Nippon Ichi Software is about to release Disgaea D2: A Brighter Darkness, and like a lot of JRPGs, the title doesn't make much sense. However, if the developers want to compete with the best of the absurdly named games out there for Disgaea 5, they need to put on their crazy caps and start brainstorming. Luckily, I'm here to help.
Disgaea's titles aren't quite as bonkers as Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts series, but Nippon Ichi has still come up with some quality head scratchers like "Dark Hero Days" and "Absence of Detention." Fans love the series for its satire of JRPGs and have been anticipating Disgaea 5 for a while now, so the developer won't want to disappoint them with a lame-o half-crazy title when it's finally time to announce the game. Here are my suggestions, along with a boardroom pitch explaining the merits of each name.
Disgaea 5: Don't
Remember To Forget
The Boardroom Pitch: Nippon Ichi loves using convoluted phrases in its titles. Why say "A Promise Remembered" when
you can say "A Promise Unforgotten"? "A Brighter Darkness" is even more
impressive – how can darkness be bright?! Disgaea 5: Don't Remember To Forget
has so many complex contradictions that it will stupefy fans into buying the
game – the Holy Grail of advertising in America.
Disgaea Returns: Absence
of a Happy Misery
The Boardroom Pitch: At
the heart of any great JRPG title is a subtitle that sounds like it means
something, but falls apart if you actually think about it. It's a dangerous
game: You don't want a name that's so nonsensical that it draws attention to how dumb
it is. Absence of a Happy Misery flies just under the radar, sounding
like something a brooding JRPG character may reflect upon while staring at the
moon or a treasured heirloom.
Disgaea C3PO
The Boardroom Pitch: The
latest Disgaea title was numbered D2, so it stands to reason that the next one
will be C3. If the executives at Nippon Ichi are really smart, they'll spring for a Star Wars
tie-in. The series' prissy robot would fit right into Disgaea's world, spitting
out worried disapproval over every over-the-top character and wacky turn of
event that happens to him. "Oh, my! What have you done?!"
Disgaea Eternity: 9,999
Ways To Say "I Love You Now DIE!!"
The Boardroom Pitch: Forget
subtlety: Disgaea has made a name for itself with its goofball antics, so it's
time to embrace the insanity. This title doesn't just underscore Disgaea's manic
humor, it also references the signature leveling system, which contains
9,999 ranks. Also, it makes no sense! I'm telling you, this one's perfect.
Disgaea V: Peanut
Butter And Fish
The Boardroom Pitch: Still
not satisfied, huh? Screw it. Disgaea V: Peanut Butter and Fish. Why? Why not? The series has an attack
called "Cat Umbrella Spin," for crying out loud. Is Peanut Butter and Fish
really that unreasonable?
Coming Up Next: More ridiculous Disgaea titles...
Disgaea Unchained: Prinny
Is A Terrorist? Oh No!
The Boardroom Pitch: Prinnies
are the peg-legged penguins of the Disgaea series, and have starred in their
own spinoffs including Prinny: Can I Really Be the Hero? This title isn't just
sensational, it's also a little mysterious; the italicizing of Oh No! could denote the severity
of the allegation, or it could just be sarcasm – like everyone has known all along that Prinny
is a terrorist.
Disgaea 5: That's No Hamster
The Boardroom
Pitcher: Here's another title that contains an enticing mystery. What exactly
is being mistaken as a hamster? More importantly, if it's not a hamster then
what the hell is it? You'll just have to buy the game to find out!
Disgaea V: Thug Life
The Boardroom Pitch: Now
that Nippon Ichi is on the fifth official Disgaea entry, it may be time for a
change of pace. Disgaea V: Thug Life is a gritty reboot of the series, exploring
the criminal underbelly of Netherworld. I'm thinking an open-world,
rags-to-riches crime story filled with gang violence and Prinnies. Just think
how badass Thug Life could be; Netherworld is already inhabited by demons, but
demon gangs? That's way grittier than anything Rockstar has ever done, and GTA
V just made a
billion dollars in three days. I'd estimate Nippon Ichi would rake in at
least twice that much with Thug Life, and you should trust me because I'm a
professional.
Disgaea's Back: Anonymous
Fever Clot
The Boardroom Pitch: Confession:
I used a random word generator for this one. However, Disgaea's Back: Anonymous
Fever Clot has a certain ring to it. It's mysterious, a little dangerous, and
open to a wide range of interpretations, none of which will satisfy your desire
for a name that just makes sense. It's like an itch you can't scratch, but in
an ironic hipster way!
Disgaea Next: Are We
Being Serious? TELL US We Don't Know Anymore
The Boardroom Pitch: Honesty
is the best policy, and this title gets straight to the point. Players can expect
a fourth-wall-shattering roller coaster of an adventure that constantly second-guesses
its own existence. You can practically hear the pain in the developers' voices
as you read the sentence – that sympathy will translate to extra greenbacks at
retail.
Prinny 2: Dawn of
Operation Panties, Dood!
The Boardroom Pitch: I
started this feature with the ambitious goal of coming up with something nuttier
than the title of Nippon Ichi's second Prinny spinoff, but nothing compares to
this masterpiece of lunacy. Prinny 2: Dawn of Operation Panties, Dood! is incontrovertible
evidence that video games are in fact art – weird post-modern art that no one
gets. My final recommendation to Nippon Ichi? Just use the exact same title for
Disgaea 5 – fans will think it's even zanier the second time around.
To learn more about Disgaea, check out Kim's RPG Spotlight on the series. Got your own funny Disgaea 5 titles? Share them in the comments below!