Naming The Next Disgaea

Nippon Ichi Software is about to release Disgaea D2: A Brighter Darkness, and like a lot of JRPGs, the title doesn't make much sense. However, if the developers want to compete with the best of the absurdly named games out there for Disgaea 5, they need to put on their crazy caps and start brainstorming. Luckily, I'm here to help.

Disgaea's titles aren't quite as bonkers as Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts series, but Nippon Ichi has still come up with some quality head scratchers like "Dark Hero Days" and "Absence of Detention." Fans love the series for its satire of JRPGs and have been anticipating Disgaea 5 for a while now, so the developer won't want to disappoint them with a lame-o half-crazy title when it's finally time to announce the game. Here are my suggestions, along with a boardroom pitch explaining the merits of each name.

Disgaea 5: Don't Remember To Forget
The Boardroom Pitch: Nippon Ichi loves using convoluted phrases in its titles. Why say "A Promise Remembered" when you can say "A Promise Unforgotten"? "A Brighter Darkness" is even more impressive – how can darkness be bright?! Disgaea 5: Don't Remember To Forget has so many complex contradictions that it will stupefy fans into buying the game – the Holy Grail of advertising in America.

Disgaea Returns: Absence of a Happy Misery
The Boardroom Pitch: At the heart of any great JRPG title is a subtitle that sounds like it means something, but falls apart if you actually think about it. It's a dangerous game: You don't want a name that's so nonsensical that it draws attention to how dumb it is. Absence of a Happy Misery flies just under the radar, sounding like something a brooding JRPG character may reflect upon while staring at the moon or a treasured heirloom.

Disgaea C3PO
The Boardroom Pitch: The latest Disgaea title was numbered D2, so it stands to reason that the next one will be C3. If the executives at Nippon Ichi are really smart, they'll spring for a Star Wars tie-in. The series' prissy robot would fit right into Disgaea's world, spitting out worried disapproval over every over-the-top character and wacky turn of event that happens to him. "Oh, my! What have you done?!"

Disgaea Eternity: 9,999 Ways To Say "I Love You Now DIE!!"
The Boardroom Pitch: Forget subtlety: Disgaea has made a name for itself with its goofball antics, so it's time to embrace the insanity. This title doesn't just underscore Disgaea's manic humor, it also references the signature leveling system, which contains 9,999 ranks. Also, it makes no sense! I'm telling you, this one's perfect.

Disgaea V: Peanut Butter And Fish
The Boardroom Pitch: Still not satisfied, huh? Screw it. Disgaea V: Peanut Butter and Fish. Why? Why not? The series has an attack called "Cat Umbrella Spin," for crying out loud. Is Peanut Butter and Fish really that unreasonable?

Coming Up Next: More ridiculous Disgaea titles...

Disgaea Unchained: Prinny Is A Terrorist? Oh No!
The Boardroom Pitch: Prinnies are the peg-legged penguins of the Disgaea series, and have starred in their own spinoffs including Prinny: Can I Really Be the Hero? This title isn't just sensational, it's also a little mysterious; the italicizing of Oh No! could denote the severity of the allegation, or it could just be sarcasm – like everyone has known all along that Prinny is a terrorist.

Disgaea 5: That's No Hamster
The Boardroom Pitcher: Here's another title that contains an enticing mystery. What exactly is being mistaken as a hamster? More importantly, if it's not a hamster then what the hell is it? You'll just have to buy the game to find out!

Disgaea V: Thug Life
The Boardroom Pitch: Now that Nippon Ichi is on the fifth official Disgaea entry, it may be time for a change of pace. Disgaea V: Thug Life is a gritty reboot of the series, exploring the criminal underbelly of Netherworld. I'm thinking an open-world, rags-to-riches crime story filled with gang violence and Prinnies. Just think how badass Thug Life could be; Netherworld is already inhabited by demons, but demon gangs? That's way grittier than anything Rockstar has ever done, and GTA V just made a billion dollars in three days. I'd estimate Nippon Ichi would rake in at least twice that much with Thug Life, and you should trust me because I'm a professional.

Disgaea's Back: Anonymous Fever Clot
The Boardroom Pitch: Confession: I used a random word generator for this one. However, Disgaea's Back: Anonymous Fever Clot has a certain ring to it. It's mysterious, a little dangerous, and open to a wide range of interpretations, none of which will satisfy your desire for a name that just makes sense. It's like an itch you can't scratch, but in an ironic hipster way!

Disgaea Next: Are We Being Serious? TELL US We Don't Know Anymore
The Boardroom Pitch: Honesty is the best policy, and this title gets straight to the point. Players can expect a fourth-wall-shattering roller coaster of an adventure that constantly second-guesses its own existence. You can practically hear the pain in the developers' voices as you read the sentence – that sympathy will translate to extra greenbacks at retail.

Prinny 2: Dawn of Operation Panties, Dood!
The Boardroom Pitch: I started this feature with the ambitious goal of coming up with something nuttier than the title of Nippon Ichi's second Prinny spinoff, but nothing compares to this masterpiece of lunacy. Prinny 2: Dawn of Operation Panties, Dood! is incontrovertible evidence that video games are in fact art – weird post-modern art that no one gets. My final recommendation to Nippon Ichi? Just use the exact same title for Disgaea 5 – fans will think it's even zanier the second time around.

To learn more about Disgaea, check out Kim's RPG Spotlight on the series. Got your own funny Disgaea 5 titles? Share them in the comments below!