Hey BioWare, While You're At It...

by Jeff Cork on Mar 21, 2012 at 11:08 AM

BioWare's Mass Effect 3 has been grabbing its share of headlines lately, though not for reasons the studio may have been hoping for. An outspoken group of fans has been raking the game over the coals for what they say is a disappointing ending filled with plot holes. Some have voiced their displeasure via petitions, while one particularly incensed gamer has taken his complaints to the Federal Trade Commission. BioWare has responded, saying that it's in the process of revisiting the trilogy's ending. But why stop there? We've got a list of things that BioWare should put on its to-do list.

1. Redo Dragon Age 2
All of it.

2. Bring Back Every Crew Member Who Has Died In The Mass Effect Trilogy
Death is sad and gamers don’t like sad things! Except for Kaiden. F-- that guy.

3. Create Explicit Sex Scenes in Mass Effect
Fox News kept insisting it was there, so BioWare needs to oblige our creepy fantasies. We won't be satisfied until we see Garrus' cricket genitals.

4. Turn The Old Republic From An MMO Into A Single-Player RPG
Nobody likes talking to other players, unless they're mobilizing support for a ridiculous petition.

5. Where's HK-47?
In the (horrible) ending of Mass Effect 3, the Illusive man needs to pull off his face, revealing that he was the fan-favorite KotOR droid all along.

6. KotOR Needs To Shock Us Each Time
Everyone knows about the whole Revan thing by now. Couldn't BioWare add a twist-generating engine, so players are surprised whenever they play it again?

7. Have male and female Shepard meet 
We've been waiting for this climactic event for three games, and BioWare managed to mess it up. How these two heroes have managed to avoid each other is one of the biggest plot holes in the history of everything.

8. New, Better DLC Strategy
All Mass Effect DLC should be released on day one, should be free, and should be distributed on the game disc.

9. Create New Dragon Age: Origins Party Members
Wardog was the only member of the team who players didn't want to smother in camp. BioWare should--nay, must--revisit the party and replace each one with a different breed of canine.

10. Casey Hudson Would Look Better As A Blonde