G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra Review

Gamers constantly decry publishers for bunching too many game releases during the holidays and failing to spread big titles throughout the year. But maybe a lack of great games during summer isn't the problem; maybe the problem is the overwhelming deluge of crap games based off film franchises we're forced to suffer through, like G.I. Joe: The Rise ­of ­Cobra.

The idea is sound enough - two players pick from 12 classic G.I. Joe characters (and four famous Cobra members, like Storm Shadow and Destro) to stop the Cobra Commander from using the M.A.S.S. Device in an Ikari Warriors ''hold your finger on shoot and spray away'' meets Contra ''shoot the turrets on the massive structure'' style game. But the desecration of the goofy '80s children's cartoon begins with a camera so poor that sometimes neither character is on the screen during battles and just keeps getting worse. The broken targeting mechanic, which ties your aim to the same analog stick you use to move, is equally frustrating; even when you flick the right analog stick to aim at another target, more often than not your bullets go toward a power-up container rather than an enemy. The sticky cover system and finicky health system round out the ­broken ­gameplay.

Those patient enough to suffer through the initial gameplay inadequacies are rewarded with horrible, low-quality cutscenes, a ''special'' Accelerator Suit ability that often drains during said cutscenes, unreachable power-ups that hover just out of grasp, the worst vehicle controls I've used in years, and voice overacting that makes the guy who says ''killing spree'' in Unreal Tournament sound understated. With these working conditions, it's enough to make a Joe go AWOL.