Rock of Ages

What if Super Monkey Ball, tower defense, and Monty Python were all shoved into a gigantic industrial blender and liquefied into a fine paste? Well, that paste is called Rock of Ages, and we recently had a chance to sample the delectable downloadable. Rolling a gigantic boulder through your enemy’s defenses may not sound so wacky on paper, but Rock of Ages presents a unique premise that you’ll want to check out.

Each course is set during artistically significant time periods such as Ancient Greece, Medieval, and Renaissance. Mix the classic art with a warped sense of humor and you get an aesthetic reminiscent of the repurposed art photographs of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. All the tomfoolery is packed into narrow routes which twist toward your enemy’s castle. One map contains a precarious shortcut, requiring expert rock maneuvering to jump across small platforms. Deciding to go the safe route or take wild chances is all part of Rock of Age’s fun.

The meat of Rock of Ages has two players placing defenses along a road leading to their respective castles. Players then guide a boulder toward the opposition’s front gate like an arty-fartsy game of Marble Madness. Arranging defenses and rolling the Indiana Jones-sized boulder creates a frenetic pace that had us shouting and cheering with every assault on our castle gates. Penetrating your friend’s fortress and squashing whatever key historical figure lies within is truly satisfying.

Investing in defenses to interfere with your foe’s boulder is key. Cows charge, TNT explodes, windmills blow, and catapults fire in an attempt to protect your castle. Finding narrow passages to cluster obstacles is fun, and seeing the disastrous results as they wreck your opponent is even better. There are also non-defensive units such as money farms, which take up valuable territory but generate extra spending money. All the purchasable defenses are available in three price tiers, with the more expensive one being the most effective.

Money can also be pumped into boulder enhancements. A sizable chunk of change will score you a magma ball for increased damage or armor for a heartier stone. Every jump, TNT blast, and fall off a ledge results in the visual deterioration of your rock. A smaller boulder results in a weaker assault on your enemy’s front gate, so keeping it intact is crucial. The constant hazards, high-risk routes, and ever-present race to steamroll the opposing leader into an art puddle keeps things energetic.

Rock of Ages also contains an entertaining skeeball mode. This high-speed game ditches strategy in favor of all-out boulder rolling, where players cruise down a course smashing targets for points. A gigantic skeeball board sits at the bottom, waiting for the fastest player to launch into one of the slots to receive a point multiplier. However, only the first player to land a boulder in the skeeball hole gets points for the round, which creates an exciting balance between smashing targets and being first to finish.

I went into my time with Rock of Ages with zero expectations and I emerged with a soft spot for the quirky, action-packed strategy title. The unique presentation, goofy sense of humor, and attack/defense rhythm has me hungry for more. I can’t wait to learn about the single-player boss fights and other surprises the game has to offer leading up to its release later this year. If you like the idea of flattening your friend with a big rock, keep Rock of Ages on your radar.