Please support Game Informer. Print magazine subscriptions are less than $2 per issue
I Heart Infomercials
I have a bizarre fascination with infomercials. I can't quite say where it comes from or why it persists to this day, but if I run across an infomercial on TV, I pretty much have to watch it. It's been like this most of my teenage and adult life. It's pathetic – especially when you consider how much time of my life I've wasted, err, devoted to such a trivial, um, worthwhile activity. Food dehydrators, all-in-one ladders, mini food processors, knives, mops, workout equipment, lawn edgers, baking equipment, sunglasses – if it's been hawked on TV, I've probably seen it in its entirety at least once. The kitschy, campy, overly-dramatic tactics most of these ads use is perfect fodder for entertaining television viewing. But it wouldn't be nearly as funny and/or horrifying if it weren't for one crucial aspect all infomercials share: they're all dead serious about what they're selling. And that, my friend, is where the trouble, or in my case the fun, begins.
I liken the act of watching an infomercial to that of driving past a car accident. You know you shouldn't look, yet you can't tear your eyes away from the wreckage as you drive by. Infomercials provide me roughly the same sense of morbid curiosity. I never know what I'll see, they give me something to talk about, the end results benefit next to no one, and I feel sorry for everyone involved. But unlike car accidents, watching infomercials is a whole heck of a lot of fun! You might be wondering, "Boy Jeff, I sure would like to see some examples to back up this argument of yours." Well, you're in luck. I've collected a nice array of tasty infomercial delights that will both delight and horrify you. Don't believe me? Then try these on for size. You may find yourself becoming a closet infomercial *** just like me.
1. The Slender Shaper
Nothing says "I'm getting in shape!" better than watching pounds of fatty flesh vibrating all around you. And yet most of the "regular people" using this product apparently don't need it at all. Or perhaps The Slender Shaper really does work? Hmmm. Check out the lady using it in her office. Yep, that wouldn't be awkward for everyone involved. Oh well, at least they got to interview people in fake outer space.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL26Vm84ImY:425:0]
2. My Lil' Reminder
For those of us who don't have access to a pen and paper, cell phone, or a brain. Especially choice is the woman using her handy dandy Lil' Reminder at the grocery store to get milk, juice, butter, and eggs. Wait a minute, how did she remember to get all of that other stuff that's already in her cart? She must be double-fisting Lil' Reminders.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r82jgqOWwxE:425:0]
3. Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask
If I ever catch my wife using this product I will divorce her immediately.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXcYVh-W14E:425:0]
4. Pieceless Puzzle
When I first saw this one I truly believed it was fake. The voiceover, the ridiculous concept, the bare-bones budget of the ad itself, the overly-zealous puzzle fanatics...it's just too much. But alas, it is true. Apparently missing puzzle pieces has become quite an epidemic. Good thing all of the pieces in this bad boy are connected together. That makes total sense. I mean, puzzles love nothing more than sliding down slides, right? So what you really have is either the world's easiest puzzle or a giant, albeit cut up, mouse pad. Mouse pad for the win!
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4YrChGyQtQ:425:0]
5. AromaTrim Crave Ender
Want an easy way curb those nasty cravings? Hold a piece of plastic up to your nose all day. Totally practical.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m-PJk9Tu8g:425:0]
6. First Alert Instant Alarm
Can you imagine what it would be like to have a mom that decks out her entire house with these things? Either she's incredibly cheap or doesn't want one iota of fresh air entering her house without her knowing it.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73Ns4wHQe9Y:425:0]
7. Fun Slides
Always remember to walk down the stairs brothers, sisters, moms, and misters.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWJI1QQvUss:425:0]
8. Listen Up
The first stage in stalker training.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CGYfES3nCY:425:0]
9. Mr. Microphone
Quite possibly the greatest way to pickup chicks ever created.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYEXBTlWf_4:425:0]
10. Tiddy Bear
Imagine if the Tiddy Bear ever got his hands on a Mr. Microphone. Unstoppable.
I would love to meet the brain wizard that came up with the name for this thing and shake his (her? impossible) hand. Oh so clever he is. Women seem to love it, but the baby seems confused and bothered by Tiddy Bear. Some day he'll understand...
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twZAGWOxn6s:425:0]
11. Hawaii Chair
I would pay to work at this office.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4:425:0]
12. Just because it's funny to watch people fall down... The Flex-O-Ladder
"It is very safe to operate. So...continue to call for it." I'm sure the phone lines lit up after that vote of confidence.
[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlgYQwf1Pug:425:0]
See what you're missing? This truly is must-see TV. And they say there's nothing good on TV anymore...
I’d like to ask you to support Game Informer’s continued coverage of games with a subscription. For less than two dollars per issue, we mail you a full year of 10 print magazines, each with cover stories and preview features filled with exclusive details about the most exciting upcoming games. We profile and interview game creators. We look back on the rich history of gaming, and we celebrate what’s next.
Here on the website, we offer much of our content for free, including game reviews, daily news, videos, event coverage, and more – all with minimal ads.
We do so with a small editorial team, alongside contributing paid writers from around the world – over 65 individuals from 9 countries around the world, just in the last couple of years.
It’s not possible without support.
In a time when game makers and games coverage have faced hard struggles and layoffs, the future of this 30+ year magazine and community is at risk. Our new standalone magazine subscription is the number one way you can keep us alive – and we believe you’ll get a pretty fantastic gaming magazine in your mailbox every few weeks for your trouble.
Thank you.
