The Hitman: Agent 47 Film Is Sitting At A Miserable 4 Percent On Rotten Tomatoes

Critics didn’t love Timothy Olyphant’s (Justified) turn playing Agent 47 in 2007’s take on IO Interactive’s Hitman series. But that film got glowing reviews compared to the imminent release of Hitman: Agent 47, starring Rupert Friend (Homeland).

We’ve learned not to expect much from films based on video games, but director Aleksander Bach’s feature directorial debut is getting positively obliterated by critics. Here’s what some notable voices had to say about Hitman: Agent 47.

“What to call it, exactly? The 47th best action film of 2015? A feature-length Audi commercial, or a promo reel for the Singapore Tourism Board? The most unnecessary artistic contribution ever made by someone named Bach?” – Justin Chang, Variety

Chang’s statement is particularly biting, as Bach’s background is in promotional video. He’s done work for Mercedes Benz and Chevrolet.

“It's so coldblooded, it's practically reptilian.” – Katie Walsh, Tribune News Service

I’m not sure if this is actually a slam. You see, Agent 47 is a trained killer. He is quite coldblooded, and that’s an asset. Given that the headline on this review calls the film “dead on arrival,” however, it’s safe to assume Ms. Walsh was not impressed.

“A decidedly more plasticized version of the same old story, replacing previous star Timothy Olyphant with Rupert Friend, though I doubt anyone will notice.” – Brian Orndorf, Blu-Ray.com

Now hold on a second, Mr. Orndorf. Perhaps you’ve not seen the beauty that is Timothy Olyphant in FX’s Justified. U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens might not be a clone or a life-long trained assassin, but he kicks all kinds of butt. I have noticed his absence, and it wounds me.

“Hitman: Agent 47 is aggressively awful, the kind of film that rubs its lackadaisical screenwriting, dull filmmaking and boring characters in your face, almost daring you to ask the theater operator for your money back.” – Brian Tallerico, Roger Ebert.com

I once asked for my money back at a movie theater, but didn't have much luck getting a refund. Apparently some people LIKED Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Also, if any movie tries to rub itself in my face, it better buy me dinner first.

“The movie is profoundly dumb.” – Kyle Anderson, Entertainment Weekly

But it’s still profound, right? 

Hitman: Agent 47 arrives in theaters on August 21. The next Hitman game from IO Interactive is due on December 8 for Xbox One, PlayStation 4, and PC.

[Source: Rotten Tomatoes]