Gamescom 2011 In Pictures. You're Welcome

Gamescom is probably my favorite event of the year. I like the way the show is organized, I enjoy the delicious pretzels, and it's hard not to get caught up in the boundless enthusiasm that the fans bring to the show. Since it's open to the public (if you buy a ticket), it's generally packed to the gills. Because I like to plan ahead, I spent much of yesterday snapping some shots of the show floor, before the masses arrived. If I tried to take the same photos now, they would be full of people, and my lens would have probably fogged up. At any rate, here's a nice dose of Gamescom for your eyeballs.

This is part of 2K's booth. It was quite large. You may think that parts of this image are out of focus, but that just betrays how little you know about photography. I'm kind of an awesome photographer.

Here's another part of the booth. I think they had a little basketball court set up last year, though I could be misremembering. Either way, does it really matter? Probably not. Moving on...

There's a lot going on in this pictures. A stormtrooper is being escorted by some other tubby Star Wars guy. Another guy is taking a picture. Meanwhile, far in the distance, Activision has a booth for Modern Warfare 3.

Metro Last Light's light has kind of a greenish hue in this picture. It's an advanced photo technique. I'd love to tell you how to replicate it at home, but it's quite complicated. On the right is a Space Marine shuttle pod thing.

What? Didn't we already see 2K's booth? Why, yes we did. But this is what you'd see if you were facing THQ's booth and then suddenly turned around quickly. That's exactly what I did, and this photo proves it.

Space Marine! I don't know why the lady is in the pod. Maybe she's trying to go back home to space. Maybe she is agoraphobic. Maybe she is getting paid to smile at people and pretend she's not disgusted by everyone in attendance. It is a mystery for the ages.

micoach.

This is Blizzard's booth. You probably figured that out because if you made it this far you are very smart. Funny story: The guy in the middle of the picture glared at me something fierce just after this photo was taken. Hello?! Do you think I wanted to take your picture, dude? I was trying to capture the AMAZING SHOT OF PEOPLE STANDING IN A LINE! Sheesh.

Get a load of this joker. Sure, I'm not the only person at Gamescom who can take pictures, but I doubt he's posting his online in a place that will get literally dozens of hits. Your move, shavepate.

I almost didn't post this picture, because it's for advance viewers only. I used a lot of filters on it and obviously worked it over in PhotoShop for a good four hours. But then I realized that the guy underneath the StarCraft II sign looks like he has bunny ears. I had to share. You're welcome.

I'm pretty sure I have captured footage of a real ghost here. I'm going to run it by some paranormal investigators when I get home. There's some more Call of Duty stuff going on in the background.

This game is called Hunter's Trophy and it's set up in a little shack. It really made me homesick, so I had to pretend that something was in my eye when I walked away really quickly.

There's some serious Skyrimming going on behind this intimidating woman. Seriously, I saw her grab a guy and throw him over to the THQ booth when he tried sneaking past.

Capcom had Asura's Wrath on the floor. I don't know what that red box is. Maybe I'll go check it out tomorrow. It's probably full of something really amazing. I'll keep you posted.

These things were at last year's Gamescom. I'm certain of it. I remember watching a grown man awkwardly climbing into that mine cart thing. It was kind of hard to see, but I stared really hard anyway.

I think this is the elder scroll that's in those games. It's all wrapped up in a shiny case. If you read it, your face would probably turn inside out.

Here are some people you don't know and will never meet in your entire life playing Resident Evil Revelations. The guy on the right was in Jacob's Ladder.

Who wouldn't want to take their Gamescom shirt, force it into prostitution, and then use violence and intimidation to keep a cut of its profits?

These two dudes walked in synchronized steps for at least 45 minutes. I stopped following them after a while, so maybe they did it even longer.

OK, enough joking around. EA had a booth.

If it's not weird enough that Europeans call soccer football, these German people have to take it a step further. Fussball? I asked the person demoing the game if this was a simulation of the bar game with little soccer players that are controlled by rotating rods. The guy said "I don't speak English," so we just stared at each other for a while.

Video games.

Video games.

Video games.

They even had a statue of the new Star Trek villain. I think he looks pretty cool.

I swear I saw a guy going into those pipes in the background, but the person at the desk didn't believe me when I told him. He said they were inflatable props. I asked if his face was an inflatable prop and then I tried to punch him but I couldn't get my hand out of my jeans pocket very quickly and it was more of a slap. Oh well. You can't win 'em all.

I really like this banner.

STAR TREK GAME!

Indoor school bus sighting.

Germans are really into wheels of fortune. Who can resist spinning things for prizes? Answer: Not Germans.

I should drag this guy over to EA Sport's booth and have him sort out that Fussball matter.

If you told me you'd ever seen this many Guild Wars shirts being worn by this many people, I'd call you a damned liar and say GOOD DAY TO YOU.

Ooh. I guess they haven't heard. Awkward...

Hey kids! You think video consoles are great fun? How about sending post to your friends?

This pro gamer was in a thoughtful mood.

Transformers Universe?! Maybe this game will explain something: If Transformers are from another planet, why do they turn into Earth cars? I always thought that was kind of dumb. That's why I live and breathe Team Gobot.

These guys are all heroes.

BBQ.

A school bus? Aw hell naw. We brought a truck!

R U L33T is stupid in every language.

I think that caution tape should be wrapped around the entire booth. :(

If you want to get hugged really hard by a German security guard, try to get into this mech.

What did I tell you?

I think it's time we take back the word "party."

Sony's booth is freaking huge. As always.

It just keeps going...

and going...

and goi... Wait a sec. It's another one of those blasted wheels!

Indoor bomb-squad car falls somewhere in between indoor school bus and indoor truck.

Risen 2 will make you GROGgy. You can use that slogan, Deep Silver. It's a freebie.

I saw vertical lines when I blinked for about an hour after snapping this picture. You can't tell from this photo, but this booth was among the loudest things going on at planet Earth at the moment I took this.

These guys were playing DotA 2 and trying to win a million bucks. I don't know if they did or not. I was asked to leave. Stupid defective zipper.

Here's one more.

This is Ubisoft's equivalent to that Green Day Rock Band.

Lots of dudes wanted to play this game.

Prediction: Some comedy star will say something like Silent Hill: DownPOOR gameplay in their review. They probably got the idea from my awesome grog slogan.

These Just Dance 3 people played a pretty nasty trick. They asked the crowd if anyone wanted a T-shirt. The guy in white on the left side raised his hand and then they pulled him on the stage and made him dance. For that, they should have given him a T-shirt factory.

Nintendo's booth is very white.

If you could read the thoughts of a 7-year-old girl and them barf them into being, you would end up with Sega's booth.

What did I tell you about Nintendo's booth being really white? It is.

This is Microsoft's booth. It's pretty dull.

These kiosks have games on them HEY WAIT, IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE RED BOXES!!!

Here's a picture.

This Hagrid is made out of LEGO blocks. I gave him a hug, and it was exactly like hugging my little brother. He's not very demonstrative with his love.

I love the German translation of this game.

Inside double-decker bus is twice as good as indoor school bus, exactly as good as indoor bomb-squad car, and not quite as good as indoor truck. Great. Now I have to say GameStop is the parent company of Game Informer magazine.

When I walked past Sonic I swear he asked me to mercy kill him. I pretended I didn't hear him and mimed like I was paddling away in that canoe.

This shirt was on the wall inside Sega's press booth. Honest.

**BRAAAHHHH** guys.