If you're reading this, you're probably GI editor Dan Ryckert. So, Dan, it's my pleasure to tell you about DrunkenNES, the game you've literally been training all your life for.
Basically, DrunkenNES is a homebrew NES game created by Batsly Adams. Adams hit upon the idea while experimenting with a bunch of sensors intended to show the possibilities of physical computing. When he found an alcohol sensor, it didn't take long for this genius idea to take shape.
The game works just like a breathalyzer -- you blow into an NES cartridge attached to the system, and it registers the amount of alcohol in your system. From there, the game assigns to a state (sober, getting started, buzzed, tipsy, drunk, wasted), a "drunk score," and then shows you a funny animation based on your state of inebriation.
For more on the creation of this heartbreaking work of staggering genius, head over to Batsly Adams' website. Also, remember not to drink and drive.