Defeat The Phallic-Limbed Sperminator in New STD Awareness Game
Well, this is certainly the headline of the day. GamePolitics hipped us to a new browser game launched by the Middlesex-London Health Unit of London, Ontario that seeks to make learning about sexually transmitted diseases fun and exciting for Today’s Active Teens.
The game, entitled Adventures in Sex City (pretty sure that was a Bootsy Collins album in the ‘80s), is certainly, um…eye catching, sometimes literally. In the interest of journalism, I completed a playthrough of the game, which is not so much a video game as an online quiz with money shots.
The evil Sperminator is terrorizing Sex City, infecting the presumably horny citizens with all manner of sexually transmitted diseases. Sex City’s only hope? The Sex Squad, who have the power to stop the Sperminator with their encyclopedic knowledge of STDs and safe sex.
From there, you select which member of the Sex Squad you’d like to play as, choosing between Captain Condom, Willy the Kid (who resembles a short Mr. T and joined Sex Squad to prove that “size doesn’t matter” according to his bio), Power Pap, and (God help me) Wonder Vag.
The game itself isn’t too involved, posing true/false questions about STD safety that you answer with a click of your mouse. It’s at this point where the somewhat amusing/disgusting part comes it. After each question, the Sperminator will shoot a sticky white substance out of his “arm.” If you answered correctly, your character will deflect it back towards the Sperminator with a Condom Shield. If not, you’ll take the brunt of the attack and exclaim one of a few phrases of dialogue that includes “Eww, that’s sticky!”, “I need a shower!” (me, too), and (I kid you not) “Ah, right in the face!”.
Not to brag, but I did pretty well, defeating the Sperminator quickly even though I purposefully got a few wrong just to write down all my character’s reaction phrases. I did learn that masturbation is perfectly normal and that most people do it, something I’m not sure will be news to the video game fans that the Middlesex-London Health Unit hopes to attract with this game.
Well, that about covers it. Your faithful reporter will now sign off and await my letter from the Pulitzer Prize selection committee.