Funny To A Point – The Great Detroit: Become Human Predict-a-thon!
Detroit: Become Human is only a few weeks away, and like all of Quantic Dream's previous story-driven adventure games, it promises to be a conversation starter. Rather than actually wait for release to have that conversation, however, I figured we'd kick things off early by guessing what we'll see in the game – contest style!
Here's the thing: I'm not the biggest David Cage fan. While I absolutely love and adore that Cage has the freedom and determination to bring his creative visions to life, his style of storytelling has always been a bit too convoluted and clumsy to enthrall me. The early demos for Detroit: Become Human did little to change my mind, but the sci-fi nerd in me still held out hope that this one might be different. It's got robots, after all – how bad could it be?
Then I read Kim's
recent preview and learned that one of the ways Detroit conveys the tension
between man and machine is that humans make the androids sit at the back of the
bus. The back of the bus! Like a robot Rosa Parks – a Robo Parks! Out of all
the fascinating themes and questions surrounding artificial intelligence and
its place in human society, "androids sit at the back of the space bus" seems
like the first idea in a spitball session that immediately gets thrown out for
better anything else!
Anyway, that little factoid got Jeff Cork and me talking about what other things we might see in Detroit: Become Human, which Cork suggested I turn into a column, because why waste this hot content on each other? I decided to spice things up by turning it a contest (Jeffs are notoriously competitive, if you didn't know), and here we are!
Since it was technically Cork's idea, he got first crack at potential guesses...some of which are less inspired than others (see prediction #5). I followed up with my own list of robot clichés that I am confident will win. Finally, I roped in Kyle as a third contestant, who took his usual half-assed approach to the challenge and just regurgitated references to other sci-fi films. It really doesn't get any more Kyle than that!
Anyway, here are our best guesses for the character moments, plot twists, and dialogue snippets we'll see in Detroit: Become Human. We'll update the story after launch to see who is the ultimate winner of the Great Detroit: Become Human Predict-a-thon!
Note: For the game's sake, we're hoping against hope that the following lists don't contain any actual spoilers.
Jeff Cork's Very Clever And Probable Predictions:
Prediction #1: A human
NPC acts surprised when they learn your character is an android
This is a solid opening guess for Cork that seems inevitable at some point during the game.
Prediction #2: An android
gets beaten at a protest and bleeds some weird-colored goo
The only way I see Cork losing this one is on the technicality of what constitutes as "weird-colored." Still, probably happening.
Prediction #3: A poignant quote from MLK Jr. is recited or displayed
I would've said this was too on the nose, but again, space bus.
Prediction #4: Someone says they think androids are equal,
but that they should live in separate societies
Hoo boy, am I going to lose this contest?
Prediction #5: Some dude f---s a robot
Not the way I would've worded it, but this is 100 percent happening nonetheless.
Prediction #6: "Wait,
if you're an android, how can you eat and drink?"
I'm sure there's going to be a billion lines of dialogue so it certainly seems plausible, unless the androids in Detrois can't actually eat or drink.
Prediction #7: A point-of-view
shot of an android dying, complete with Terminator
2-style "CRITICAL SYSTEM FAILURE...POWERING DOWN" UI text
A great guess that I'm jealous I didn't get to make myself. Also, if those are the exact words of the UI text, that's probably an instant win, right?
Prediction #8: Fake
man-on-the street news interviews with people saying mean things about androids
during the opening credits
Cork voluntarily limiting this in the opening credits is certainly a bold move, but I'm guessing he's still right.
Prediction #9: Some
android with part of his skin all gone and messed up but he don't care
This one could work both in terms of a heroic android saving someone in a perilous situation, or an evil android that can't be stopped from whatever evil thing it's trying to do. So yeah, probably happening.
Prediction #10: A
shot of a bulldozer pushing piles of broken androids into a mass grave while
sad music plays
Good lord, did Cork just guess the final shot of the game? Because it certainly feels like it...
Jeff M's Even Cleverer And More Probabler Predictions:
Prediction #1: An android
turns evil and some part of him glows red
I can't believe Cork missed this one!
Prediction #2: An android
is convinced it isn't an android
Not only that, but I'm betting it will be intended as a big plot twist even though we all see it coming hours before it happens.
Prediction #3: Some
of the androids have weird accents when saying certain words but no one
This one's a bit meta, but we never explicitly said that wasn't allowed, so I'm going there.
Prediction #4: A slow-motion
shot of an android dying with smoke billowing out of its ears, nose, or throat
It's gotta happen, right?!
Prediction #5: "We deserve the same rights as you! We may
not be flesh and blood, but we feel!"
Maybe not those exact words but the sentiment at least – and I'm feeling pretty good about my chances.
Prediction #6: An android professor waxes poetically about
the meaning of life
This is probably my riskiest prediction, but I still feel like I've got a 50-50 shot.
Prediction #7: An android
gets damaged at some point and starts making unnecessarily loud grinding/buzzing
noises to convey that it's injured
This is as safe a bet as Cork's fifth prediction. Maybe they'll happen in the same scene?
Prediction #8: A bunch
of human men make crass sexual remarks about a female robot while she silently
endures the harassment
Cue close-up of the android's face while she stoically stares into the distance. I'm totally going to win this contest!
Prediction #9: Androids looking down on other androids because
they are an older model or have undesirable service jobs
I'm not sure that the game will delve into android-on-android discrimination, but it seems like the logical next step.
Prediction #10: An android
sacrifices itself to save a human being, which sparks a change in the way
humans see robots
This is essentially my guess for the ending, though I think Cork's is stronger. Then again, with branching storylines we could both be right!
Kyle's Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Predictions:
Prediction #1: An
android peels the skin off its hand to prove it's a robot, Terminator-style
Kyle apparently felt the need to add "Terminator-style" to his guess, in case you didn't get the reference.
Prediction #2: Logic
is super-duper important to these androids, and one gets really confused about
something being illogical
This is probably going to be Kyle's best guess, and it's actually a decent one.
Prediction #3: An
android asks, in earnest, "What is love?"
Dang it, that's a good prediction too. Is Kyle a dark horse in this contest?!
Prediction #4: An
android has a dream about electric sheep
Okay, never mind. He's just regular old Kyle again.
Prediction #5: The
song "I Can't Stop Loving You" by Ray Charles plays at some point
Kyle passed along this YouTube link to inform me what he was "referencing" with this prediction, proving he in fact doesn't know the difference between a reference and prediction. You're making a different list, Kyle!
Prediction #6: There
is an off-screen million android march
Not sure why it has to be off-screen, but it's a solid guess. We'll give him credit even if they show it on-screen, because frankly Kyle needs all the help he can get.
Prediction #7: The
androids bleed white goop
This one is really close to Cork's second prediction, but we'll use the color as the distinction. White blood: Kyle wins. Any color other than white or red: Cork wins.
Prediction #8: A
human suddenly and inexplicably forgets that androids are way stronger than
Based on the wording, I'm thinking not only does an android have to display a feat of superhuman strength, but that human bystanders have to appear shocked and/or surprised by it. Seems like a decent prediction.
Prediction #9: An
android is tasked with pointing out how many cars appear in a series of
pictures and reading some weird blurry text, and they can't do it
That's actually a pretty funny joke – but a lousy prediction, KYLE.
Prediction #10: A
human says, "I almost forgot you were an android for a second there!"
I could see this one happening, but to punish Kyle for not taking the contest seriously enough, we'll make him be the one who plays through the game a hundred times to exhaust all the dialogue and branching choices. It's the only way to make sure we don't miss anything!
Be sure to check back after the release of Detroit: Become Human to find out who got the most predictions right, and share you own predictions in the comments below! For more laughs, click the banner below to visit Funny To A Point's fancy-pants hub.