Funny To A Point – 23 Strange Curios From The Game Informer Office
It's easy to get so wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that you stop noticing the things around you. That's why every now and then I like to stop and smell the proverbial roses – to take a break, clear my mind, and observe the wondrous world around me. Unfortunately, sometimes those breaks happen in the G.I. office.
Make no mistake, Game Informer is a very cool place to work. But it's also a very weird place. While I don't actually have any experience in a normal business office that I can compare to G.I., I assume they are very different working environments. Sure, your co-workers may adorn their workspaces with photos or the occasional bauble, but how many deadly weapons does your office have? Because I can count five just from where I'm sitting.
Rather than selfishly keep this hoard of curiosities to myself, however, I thought I'd share it with my dear readers by taking you all on an exclusive behind-the-scenes photo tour. So without further ado, here's a collection of Game Informer's own Stranger Things from around office. (Because season two of Stranger Things is out today. Get it? Whatever – onto the feature!)
Strange Curio #1: Disappointed Dracula
Good ol' Dracula is one of the first things you see when you get to the G.I. office, and he answers an important life question: Where do you stick a ridiculously gigantic Lords Of Shadow 2 statue? That answer is "Wherever it will fit," which in our case was the strange unused hallway outside our office door. Dracula's expression is appropriately emo, but some joker in the office gave it a hidden layer of meaning by placing our review of Lords of Shadow 2 review on his lap. Talk about a low blow!
Strange Curio #2: Bathroom
Normally I'd wait a little longer before delving into potty humor in a feature, but the abruptness is apt in this case. This framed picture of our Mass Effect 3 cover hangs directly across from the toilet in one of G.I.'s bathrooms, and Shepard's steely stare is creepy as all get-out when you're trying to do your business. Clearly someone else thought so too, hence the word bubble. Who is this anonymous joker? One thing is for sure – they have nice penmanship!
Strange Curio #3: Poison
I'm not sure why we have a poison bucket in the G.I. office, or why anyone would ever want a poison bucket in the first place. It really seems like a poorly conceived product. At least it's good to know that if we ever find ourselves with an unruly amount of poison, we have a bucket to store it in?
Strange Curio #4: Stinky
"Stinky" is technically the nickname Ahsoka Tano gave Jabba The Hutt's son in Cartoon Star Wars, but either way he's an abomination to the already-not-great Star Wars lore. I still have no idea why that motivated Jeff Cork to print out a picture of Stinky and post it on the support column by his desk, though. He's a weird guy – which is about to become a recurring refrain.
Strange Curio #5: Reserved
Before they bulldozed the G.I. parking lot to build yet another apartment condo for yuppies, Kyle stole one of our old parking signs and hung it on his desk. It didn't take long for the mysterious office prankster to modify the sign for a cheap laugh, but ultimately the joke was on us – Kyle has been farting nonstop ever since, because according to him, "The sign says I can." He's the worst.
Strange Curio #6:
Broken Zelda Statue
Kyle also has what is apparently a rare Zelda statue, which I accidentally broke because he insists on balancing it on the very edge of his desk. I mean, it was really inconsiderate of him to put me in that position – you can imagine the stress I felt after I broke it! Even worse, he didn't even thank me after I fixed it for him! Talk about rude.
Strange Curio #7:
Autographed Chewbacca Picture...s?!
As if being rude and farty isn't enough, Kyle is also super weird. Case in point: He has not just one, but TWO autographed pictures of Chewbacca hanging on his wall. I don't think he even knows it's just an actor in a suit – whenever someone asks about them, he always says "My friend Chewie signed them." I don't have the heart to tell him Wookiees don't actually exist.
Coming Up Next: More inexplicable items from my co-workers' desks...
Strange Curio #8:
Erotic Metal Gear Raptor Diorama
As weird as Kyle and Jeff Cork are, they can't hold a flame to Ben Hanson. You'd need the whole cast of CSI to catalogue all the strange and disturbing mementos he's got on his desk. I'm going to go ahead and say that Raiden and Snake gleefully riding a raptor together is among the weirdest though.
Strange Curio #9: An I-Don't-Even-Know-What
This combo of Ico hat, Raz goggles, and Planet Earth Blu-ray globe is a close runner-up, though. Not to mention the vintage William Shatner Twilight Zone action figure and NCIS mini-USB card. For the love of God, why NCIS?!
Strange Curio #10: Ponda
It wouldn't be fair to point out all the weird stuff on my co-workers' desks without also turning a critical eye to my own work space. This lovely Star Wars figure came to me courtesy of longtime G.I. reader and former Blog Herder, Saint, and he's had a spot on my desk ever since (Ponda, that is). The best part is he comes with a detachable arm! Boy, you really know you got the short shrift when your one defining feature was being dismembered by a character people actually care about. Now that's a Sad Ponda.
Strange Curio #11: F---ING
This little guy came from another friendly reader, and was meant to commemorate my nerve-wracking Ninja Gaiden Super Replay. Seriously, those hawks got me every time. The fact that he's constantly staring at me from his spot on my desk kind of freaks me out, but a reader was kind enough to send it to me, so it will stay there forever. That's just how it works!
Strange Curio #12: Billy
Mitchell Commemorative Hot Sauce (Yes, Really)
Now this one definitely counts as a curio: Famed Donkey Konger Billy Mitchell stopped by the office earlier this year, and he brought us some commemorative hot sauce, because why not? Each bottle is numbered and has the Game Informer logo on it, along with Billy's portrait and personal slogan, "Never Surrender, Never." I guess that applies to spicy food as well!
Strange Curio #13:
Dan Tack's Not-His-Dog Portrait
Whenever someone taking a tour of G.I. gets to Dan Tack's desk, they always ask if this painting hanging above his chair is a picture of his dog. That would certainly make sense, right? I mean, what kind of person would hang up a painting of someone else's dog, unless it's doing something hilarious like playing poker? I'm sure you already know that it in fact isn't Dan's dog. In his defense though, it is the same breed, so a reader made the connection and sent it in. You see? We really can't deny the kindness of readers! #NotMyDog
Strange Curio #14:
Suriel's Pervert Pad
I didn't have high hopes for Suriel being normal when he started working here – his name is Suriel, after all. But I actually didn't notice this oddity until I started snooping around for more pictures to take. I guess Suriel needed some support for his wrist, and thought, "Hey, how about Deadpool's confusingly buxom bosoms?" After discovering it, I decided to grill Suriel on where the heck his mouse pad came from, and his answer made perfect sense: It was a gift from Ben Hanson. It always comes back to Hanson!
Coming Up Next: Other strange sights around the Game Informer office – and I also uncover a potential serial killer in our midst...
Strange Curio #15:
Autographed Nic Cage Season Of The Witch
My co-workers' desk adornments aren't the only strange objects in the Game Informer office. Take this autographed Nic Cage picture that is hanging in our kitchen. It raises so many questions: Why would anyone waste a frame on this? Why did they choose a still of him vacantly staring off into the distance like he can't remember his next line? Did Season Of The Witch even come out? Who sent it to us, and how did we wrong them? So many questions...
Strange Curio #16:
Letter Of Authenticity For Nic Cage Season Of The Witch Photo
Yep. This also apparently came with it, and was ALSO FRAMED. I try not to think about it too hard lest I become consumed with madness like the doomed protagonist of an H.P. Lovecraft story. Suffice it to say, the letter is hanging right next to the Nic Cage's picture.
Strange Curio #17: Unused
Kitchen Smash Bros. Kiosk
At some point we got a Wii U kiosk delivered to the office, and Ben Hanson thought it would be awesome to set it up for daily Smash matches. It has never been used since. Funny – I just can't imagine why eight people don't want to cram in between the refrigerator and the garbage can to play Smash during their lunch break...
Strange Curio #18:
of the Covenant Smash Bros. Kiosk Crate
You know that Smash Bros. kiosk I just showed you? It came in a massive wooden box, which the sender obviously didn't want back, because what the heck would they do with an empty crate the size of a tiny home? Turns out we don't know the answer to that question either. As such, it's been sitting in the elevator landing ever since, creeping me out every time I'm the last editor to leave the office. I keep expecting Fluffy the Crate Beast to hop out of there...
Strange Curio #19: A
Picture Of Miller Marrying A Transformer
Speaking of terrifying things that you can't unsee... This picture has been hanging in the office longer than I've been working here, and I still don't know the backstory to it. I assume it was the result of an if-you-love-Transformers-so-much-why-don't-you-marry-it type of situation. I just like that not only is Miller marrying a Transformer, but he's also the bride. That seems like Juba's handiwork to me.
Strange Curio #20: Sad
And Forgotten Kinect Life Boat Peripheral
I ragged on this idiotic Kinect peripheral as much as the next gamer when it came out, but years later I can't help feeling a bit sorry for it. I mean, it could've been a real raft that people actually used and had fun with. Instead it's been sitting in a box its whole life, on a random junk shelf in the hallway that serves as its final resting place. You know what? I think I'm going to set this guy free on the Mississippi after work – be all you can be, Kinect raft!
Strange Curio #21: Leo's
Weird Computer Wallpaper
Leo is a fun guy and a great addition to the G.I. staff. But ever since he started working here, I haven't been able to shake the sneaking suspicion that something about him is a little off. So I tiptoed into the recording room one day when he was at lunch and this is what I found. I honestly don't know what it means, but at least we know he fits right in with all the other weirdos around here. He's probably harmless, right?
Strange Curio #22:
Leo's... Murder Shrine?
Yeah, I was wrong – Leo definitely isn't harmless. And the warning signs were in plain sight – he's got an entire macabre display set up right on his desk! Look at that polaroid, for crying out loud! And everything has a tag on it with some cryptic clue or poem about evil. Also, he's using random computer boxes as his standing desk. He's definitely a madman.
Strange Curio #23 NIGHTMARE
This appears to be a regular mannequin dressed up in a Nute Gunray mask and Darkwatch trench coat. I assume it also houses the soul of a serial killer a la Chucky, because I get the heebie-jeebies every time I look at it. This monstrosity has silently sat in on every issue meeting for the last five years, and I keep expecting it to walk out of the room one of these days, ensuring that I will never sleep another wink again. My guess is it'll happen during the Top 50 Games of the Year debate – no one can stand those meetings.
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