RIP: Honoring The Life And Death Of Xbox One’s Default Gamerpics

by Craig Taylor on Jul 21, 2017 at 04:30 PM

It’s a sad day for Xbox fans. With the official rollout of custom Gamerpics for all Xbox One users, this means the inevitable death of all the bizarre, nondenominational default Gamerpics.

While we mourn their untimely demise, we’ll also be trying to make sense of these fearless masterpieces of art and design.

Cue the funeral organ

Goodbye, blue football helmet. We know not what your colors stood for, but we were sure we were always on your team.

Here we had a modern-day Picasso. This piece, called “untitled: Digital Vomit,” took inspiration from the master of impressionistic art, symbolizing his loss of innocence in his early 20s.

Recycled from the canceled Disney and Pixar motion picture, Steak Boy, this was the perfect profile picture for anyone who’s ever gone through life feeling like an eager but timid piece of raw meat. 

Zombie? Or that guy on the metro train asking you for a quarter who routinely invades people’s personal space? Given the lack of teeth and bloodshot eyes, we went with the latter.

Who could forget the parade of the Snapchat ghost, a hairy hotdog, and Grimace wearing a toga. Despite their seemingly insurmountable differences, all of them came together for a common purpose: world peace.

… Jeff Cork??

What better way was there to show your fellow players what you were all about than with an angular chicken nugget. Or maybe it’s a wad of meat.

Whether you were more into plaid cowboy hats, pickles, or wobbly letter U’s, this Gamerpic represented what each and every four-lipped mutant on Xbox Live was all about.

In what was a sublime metaphor for humanity’s rat race towards the unattainable goal of perfection, this Gamerpic demanded its viewer’s brutal self-reflection. Alas, no more. 

The final boss of Microsoft’s Sea of Thieves, Gooboo the space pirate’s first appearance was, believe it or not, this Xbox Live Gamerpic. You can really see Rare’s iconic character design perfected here.

We don’t know if this is a sea urchin or a rejected Pokémon, but we do know without a doubt that it is an A1 Gamerpic.

I honestly can’t even comment.