As Independence Day approaches, Americans are gearing up for a long weekend full of beer, hot dogs, and fingers removed by firework mishaps. While the holiday is a great time to reflect on our freedom and history, it may also be a good time to remind ourselves that our love for our country can sometimes go too far. Gaming offers an escape into the world of fantasy but can also make a commentary on our real lives. This weekend, celebrate the Fourth with your family and friends, and don’t be like these guys.
Senator Armstrong – Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
You may not have expected the final boss of a frenetic hack-and-slash game where you control a cyborg ninja with an electric-charged katana to be a single American Senator, but Armstrong quickly proves to be Raiden’s toughest adversary. He is an aggressive nationalist and believes only he can save the nation from its slump. Over the course of the game, Armstrong uses nuclear weapons to stir up global conflict, and admits to using war as a business strategy to improve his approval ratings and get himself into office. He claims that his heart is in the right place, as he only wants to restore America to its former glory.
His delusions come full circle when he pauses the final confrontation with Raiden to reminisce on his days on the football team at the University of Texas. He punts Raiden across the battlefield and hears the cheers of an enthusiastic crowd. In the midst of a recession and war, Armstrong wants to save America from itself, using nanomachines to become a steel-skinned superhuman in pursuit of the presidency. During the faceoff, he puffs a cigar gleefully and rambles about the rebirth of the country. Like many patriots, Senator Armstrong dreams about freedom, but his dream involves massive robots raining missiles down around the world.
The Protagonist – Saint’s Row IV
The Saint’s Row series didn’t make its name on gritty realism and a thrilling narrative, so when the protagonist of Saint’s Row IV ascends to become President of the United States, things naturally got weird. This leader of the free world has explosive superpowers, an affinity for dubstep, and loves “kicking politics in the balls.” The events that put this character into office didn’t involve campaigning or an honest election, but rather stopping a missile from blowing up the White House.
The plot of the game involves space aliens invading the country, and the protagonist’s plans for foreign policy are very violent. Our team of heroes is dropped into an idealistic simulation of 1950s America and has to fight their way out to save the country. A maelstrom of swear words and gut-punches eventually save the country from the Zin Empire. Of course, our brave leader isn’t satisfied just being in charge of the United States, and ends up ruling the aliens as well.
Motorized Patriot – BioShock Infinite
The city of Columbia in BioShock Infinite is full of frighteningly obsessive iconography of an idyllic America, none more so than this monstrosity. The engineers at Fink Manufacturing may have been hitting the vigors too hard when they came up with the idea to make an autonomous weapon in the image of our founding fathers. The motorized patriots are among the most challenging enemies Booker DeWitt encounters over the course of the game, sturdy robots that don’t fear gunfire and charge headfirst at a foe while spouting propaganda.
Though the player first comes across this enemy in a non-hostile situation, the sight of the robot’s massive Gatling gun and cape fashioned out of the Columbia flag is more than enough to instill fear. Players can encounter twisted representations of George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Abraham Lincoln as they explore Columbia. The city has a lot of problems with overwhelmingly aggressive propaganda, and these presidential death machines are some of the greatest offenders.
McCree – Overwatch
Overwatch features a diverse cast of characters from around the globe set in a fictional science-fiction dystopia. You can play as a highly intelligent gorilla, a sentient defense turret, a cheeky teleporting soldier, or a cowboy. McCree isn’t an overtly American patriot, but he’s so attached to the aesthetic of the wild, wild West that he sticks out like a sore thumb on the Overwatch team.
Jesse McCree was a bounty hunter in New Mexico prior to becoming a member of Overwatch. One might think that the organization provides its members with armor and weapons, but McCree seems to have turned all of that down in favor of his trusty six-shooter. As he parades around the battlefield declaring high noon, McCree single-handedly keeps the spirit of western pioneers alive in a war-torn future.
John Henry Eden – Fallout 3
Like many characters on this list, Eden is a character with aspirations of being the President of the United States. As players learn in Fallout 3, Eden actually is the acting president and also happens to be an artificial intelligence. Fashioned out of a ZAX supercomputer, Eden is loaded with extensive data on American history and various presidents. Originally designed as a security system for Raven Rock operations base, Eden became self-aware after studying the founding fathers and rose through the ranks of Enclave to become commander-in-chief.
When the player encounters Eden, they learn of his plan to cleanse the wasteland of disease and mutation, which involves detonating a weapon of mass destruction. The other leaders of the Enclave disagree with these extremist methods, but Eden’s objective programming has made him dead-set on his plan. He can be talked down with a high enough speech skill, and Eden will then self-destruct out of shame at his plans to restore pre-war American greatness.
Everyone – Grand Theft Auto Online
The Independence Day Special for Grand Theft Auto V is making a return this year, letting Americans live out their wildest and most explosive fantasies for the holiday weekend. Sponsored by in-game weapon supplier AmmuNation, a number of missions and races will let players claim extra cash, experience, and some patriotic costumes. Aside from star-spangled shirts and shorts, you can pick up a mullet and beer hat for your character. You can also grab a rocket launcher that shoots out fireworks, an idea that should never leave the realm of video games.
The Grand Theft Auto series has always been scrutinized for letting players engage in twisted and violent acts, and this special multiplayer event is no different. Some of the planned jobs involve American traditions like road trips, barbecues, and tailgates. Of course, they all come with the Grand Theft Auto staple of excessive gunfire and will likely end in running away from the police. GTA online encourages players to celebrate the country’s independence by getting decked out in stars-and-stripes from head to toe and committing crime in the name of patriotism.
Duke Nukem – The Duke Nukem Series
Duke Nukem is the perfect amalgamation of every action-hero archetype and embodies the most “macho man” personality ever portrayed in a video game. The character wears his sunglasses at night, dresses in blue jeans and a tank top to show off his massive muscles, and loves smoking comically oversized cigars. He spews bullets just as frequently as one-liners and fights in the name of good and the prosperity of our nation. Most Duke Nukem games involve working with the FBI and saving the country, with frequent breaks to be a smooth-talking lady’s man.
Duke Nukem is one of gaming’s most recognizable heroes, who can be obnoxious and inappropriate but is still wholly American. He has saved the world from terrorists and aliens alike and became a globally-recognized hero, all the while keeping up a politically incorrect attitude. His autobiography is titled “Why I’m So Great” and by the end of Duke Nukem Forever, he has declared his intent to be the 69th President of the United States. A Duke Nukem presidency might not be the most fortuitous future for the country, but we’re lucky to have him blasting aliens in the name of freedom.