15 Unexplained Mysteries In The Division

The Division doesn't feature the most focused narrative, but Ubisoft Massive has built up a fair amount of intrigue surrounding the society-crashing Dollar Flu and what happened to the first wave of Division agents. However, I've run into deeper and much more puzzling questions while plundering the streets of Manhattan. Here are some of The Division's biggest unexplained mysteries.

Mystery #1: Why Are So Many Rikers Gang Members Named Alex?
Whenever I gun down a member of the Rikers gang, there seems to be about a 25-percent chance one of his buddies will respond by shouting, "He shot Alex!" How in the world does a gang contain that many Alexes? Do they only allow ex-prisoners named Alex to join? That seems like a pretty strict requirement, but given their impeccably coordinated wardrobes, not out of the realm of possibility. Or maybe there's some kind of Fight Club-style Robert Paulson situation going on? Seeing as how they all shoot at me on sight, I'll probably never know. Stinkin' Alexes.

Mystery #2: When Did Neck Tattoos Get So Popular?
The Division launched with 28 different neck tattoos that you can customize your character with. After picking your gender, you have a selection of eight heads to apply them to. I'm willing to give Massive a pass on why all Division agents look so similar, but what the heck is the lore behind the sudden popularity of neck tattoos? Given the fact that most of society has died from an infectious disease, maybe stabbing a needle into your neck thousands of times isn't the best idea. And who the heck is doing all this post-apocalyptic neck tattooing anyway? At least it's good to know that hideous body art doesn't disqualify you from landing a cushy job in a top-secret government agency.

Mystery #3: What Kind Of Super Batteries Is New York Running On?
I can buy into the premise that New York City has been ravaged by a modern-day plague and been completely abandoned. I can even accept the idea that escaped prisoners and rogue garbagemen might set up competing gangs to take over control of the city. What I can't swallow, however, is the fact that New York's ruined streets are somehow still awash in the headlights of abandoned cars. Everywhere I go, I come across chirping cellphones and glowing laptops – in the real world, I'm lucky if I can make it through a full work day without my phone running out of juice! What kind of remarkable battery technology was invented in the lead-up to the apocalypse? Because honestly it might be worth it...

Mystery #4: Is Heather Lau A Super Hero?
As any Division agent can tell you, unloading 30 submachine-gun rounds into an enemy's dome isn't necessarily a guaranteed kill. Yet when you track down your handler's missing sister, Heather Lau, you find out she somehow offed an attacker with a single swing of her acoustic guitar. Which begs the question: What kind of secret, super-human strength does Heather Lau possess, and why isn't she the one out there saving the city? Seriously, she's got plenty of spare guitars lying around her apartment...

Taking back New York would be a heck of a lot easier if you could one-shot every enemy you come across – even if your weapon of choice is a musical instrument.

Mystery #5: How Many Copies Of Discovering New York Do You Need?
I mean, even if you're new to the city, you should be able to get by with like...five copies. This guy's got eight on just two of his bookshelves! Along with other riveting reads like Banking, Real Estate, Beaches, and the number-one bestseller, Money. What a collection!

Coming Up Next: The real nature of The Division agents...

Mystery #6: Who Is This Bad At Parking?
Seriously, I know parking spots are at a premium in Manhattan, but how does this happen? And who the heck is responsible for paying the meter? I guess you could make the case that someone moved the cars there in order to clear the streets, but who? And wouldn't the process of bringing in a tow truck/crane to pile up the cars be more of a hindrance to traffic than a couple of extra cars? Speaking of peculiar automobiles...

Mystery #7: Why Were These Cars Abandoned?
Typically during disasters, people abandon their cars when they get stuck in gridlock and they have to escape the impending meteor/alien spaceship/zombie horde on foot. But it's not like anything was blocking their way. Perhaps they were both struck with the futility of driving when all of the roads off of the island have been closed, but at least pull over to the side of the street before you decide to hoof it – a civilization-ending virus is no excuse for bad road etiquette.

Mystery #8: What The Hell Did This Guy Do?
I have no idea how this Alex managed to phase halfway through a glass door, but once again he refused to tell me his secrets (seriously, these guys are the worst). If Fringe has taught me anything, though, there must be some exciting parallel dimension-hopping coming up later in the story. That's a plot twist I didn't see coming!

Mystery #9: Why Are Division Agents Extorting Homeless People Out Of Their Clothes?
The other night, some poor homeless guy staggered up to me begging for food. I gave him a candy bar...in exchange for his pants. I certainly didn't need his pants – I'm already lugging around more clothes than a department store. This is super not how disaster relief aid is supposed to work, guys...

Mystery #10: Am I Actually A Good Guy?
Robbing helpless citizens of their finest winter clothes got me thinking – I sure do spend a lot of time shooting people on sight for being suspected looters...only to then pick over their corpses for any ammo, weapons, or clothing they may have been carrying. And that's when I'm not actively breaking into people's homes and businesses to plunder whatever food and items I can find. In fact, pretty much the only place where I don't run into looters is inside of apartment buildings that I'm entering without anyone's permission. Am I really the good guy? Or just a better shot?

Coming Up Next: Unraveling The Division's biggest secret...

Mystery #11: Why Do New Yorkers Suck At Graffiti?
It makes total sense that in a post-apocalyptic scenario, New York City would be covered in even more graffiti than usual. After all, society has collapsed into a lawless state, and people need an outlet for expressing their desperation. But what is being expressed here, exactly? "I lost my family to a deadly viral outbreak and murderous looters shot and ate my dog – I'm going to scribble the hell out of this van!"

Mystery #12: ...And Suck Even Worse At Naming Their Shops?
I guess I can see putting a giant COFFEE banner above your shop if you really want people to know that you sell coffee – you gotta compete with Starbucks somehow. But at least put "Pete's" above it or something. Who shops at stores like this? "Hey honey, I'm running late. Would you mind picking up our clothes from LAUNDRY SERVICE and then grabbing some hamburger meat and beans at GROCERY on your way home? Love you!" I mean, seriously:

"Mmm, mmm, mmm, there's nothing I love more than eating at CHICKEN PLACE."

Mystery #13: What's With These Crazy-Ass Lights?
Super batteries are one thing, but I've never heard of a light that can be shot out by a bullet only to auto-repair itself seconds later. The only two explanations I can come up with are nanobots and magic, and I'm not sure which one is more plausible. I'm not actually stuck in some kind of Truman Show scenario, am I? Or maybe...

Mystery #14: Is This The Matrix?
Suddenly, it all makes sense: the repeated books and generic store names, the environments that seem believable at a glance but start to fall apart under scrutiny, enemies phasing through doors and players falling through the bottom of the world – take the red pill and escape while you still can!

Mystery #15: How Does This All Tie In To The Division?
I'm all for taking creative leaps when adapting source material, but so far nothing I've come across in Massive's open-world shooter has referenced everyone's favorite Lifetime Network show, The Division. What's going on? The show stars five tough-as-nails policewomen, so naturally I'm assuming they were eventually promoted to be Division agents. I'm dying to know how Ubisoft's story syncs up. The Division takes place in San Francisco, so maybe an expansion will take us to the west coast for the best multimedia crossover ever. Nancy McKeon (second from right) also played Jo on The Facts Of Life, which I'd accept as a compromise crossover as well. Come on, Massive – this is precisely what DLC was made for!

Have any other unexplained mysteries in The Division that are keeping you up at night? Share them with your fellow conspiracy theorists in the comments below!