Feature

Lost In Translation: Google Translates Gaming’s Most Memorable Lines

by Ben Reeves on Mar 02, 2016 at 03:00 PM

There is something I’ve been wondering for a long time: What happens when you put some of gaming’s more popular quotes through Google Translate upwards of 14 times and then translate them back to English? A lot of hilarious gibberish.

Resident Evil
Original phrase: “Jill, here's a lockpick. It might come in handy if you, the master of unlocking, take it with you."

Barry dishes out this adorable line near the beginning of the first Resident Evil right before handing Jill a lock pick, but after running it through Google Translate several times, it turns out he was trying to say:

Duke Nukem 3D
Original phrase: "It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of gum."

Duke Nukem 3D was full of one-liners that paid homage to classic B-movies. This one was originally one of Roddy "The Rod" Piper’s ad-libs from the ‘88 horror film They Live. However, after running it through Google Translate several times, it turns out he might have been even more intimidating if he’d said:

Mega Man II
Original phrase: "In the year 200X a super robot named Mega Man was created."

This title scroll from Mega Man II is one of the most iconic openings in video games, but we made it even more unforgettable:

Super Mario Bros.
Original phrase: "
Thank you Mario. But our princess is in another castle."

At the end of the first Super Mario Bros., players rescue the princess only to discover that the game isn’t really over. It’s one of the most lampooned moments in gaming, but after our game of translation telephone, it pretty much lampoons itself:

Bad Dudes Vs. DragonNinja
Original phrase: "
The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?"

The late ‘80s arcade beat ‘em up had one of the best stories in video games: Ronald Reagan has been kidnapped by ninjas, and you have to go save him. But now we’re even more motivated to save the president:

Next Up: Portal 2, BioShock, and one of the worst game translations of all time.

Portal 2
Original phrase: "I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought is could give me lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

Cave Johnson’s rant about turning life’s lemons into lemonade in Portal 2 turned into a massive Internet meme, but Google translate turns it into the crazed ramblings of a lunatic:

Oregon Trail
Original phrase: "You have died of dysentery."

This disheartening phrase greeted almost everyone who played the classic MECC learning game. It was nearly impossible to keep your entire family alive when faced with the harsh realities of 19th century pioneer life. But now that kind of life seems even more unfortunate.

BioShock
Original phrase: "Would you kindly?"

Without really noticing, players encountered this phrase over and over again throughout their time in Rapture. When you finally discover its true meaning, the phrase completely flips BioShock’s narrative on its head. However, Google turns this spine-tingling moment into a tragic romance.

Gauntlet
Original phrase: "Blue Wizard has shot the food."

When your lightning-wielding friends got too trigger-happy, it was all too easy to accidentally destroy the only resource that replenished your health. After Google Translate, it's hard not to smile at your friend while slamming another quarter into the arcade machine.

Zero Wing
Original phrase: "All Your Base Are Belong to Us"

Toaplan’s 1989 side-scrolling arcade shooter is widely considered one of the worst game translations of all time. In the late-‘90s, the game became more popular than it ever had been originally thanks to an early Internet meme, but Google makes the phrase even more hilarious and nonsensical.

For another bizarre take on famous video games lines, head here to hear Gilbert Gottfried lend his voice to a number of them. For another bizarre Google-focused feature, head here to learn, Why Does Mario Grind Luigi's Shoes? And Other Strange Google Inquiry Results.