Top Ten Excuses For Gaming During Family Gatherings

The holiday season is always bittersweet. On one hand, most of us have a string of days off from work or school. On the other hand, we're expected to spend that time with our families instead of playing video games. Fear not! Here's a list of ten ways you can sneak away from the relatives and get in some gaming.

This article was originally posted on December 24, 2012, but the advice is still just as priceless today as it was then!

Excuse #10: "I'm just testing to make sure it works."
What could possibly be worse than opening a shiny new game on Christmas morning only to find out that it's broken? No one would want their child/sibling/parent/whoever to suffer such disappointment. Before you wrap that exciting new game up, explain to the powers that be that you should really pop it into your console and play the first couple of hours just to make sure it works.

Excuse #9: A Visit From Santa
If you're a gaming parent, Christmas Eve can be the perfect time to get in some digital entertainment after the children go to bed – as long as you plan ahead. Keep a string of bells beside you as you play; if a sleepy little intruder does barge in on your late night gaming marathon, just give them a jingle, open your eyes real wide, and ask, "Is that Santa?" They'll spend the rest of the night staring at the chimney while you play into the early morning hours. God bless the gullibility of children.

Excuse #8: "I don't want to be rude..."
Most people would consider it rude to play video games when the relatives are over – but isn't refraining from playing them even ruder?

This mind-blowing excuse turns the etiquette argument on its head. Consider the facts: a loved one went out of their way to buy you a video game that they know you'll love – wouldn't it be inconsiderate to simply set it aside in the pile of other opened presents and pretend it doesn't even exist until everyone goes home? You always have to immediately try on the ugly sweater your aunt buys you in order to spare her feelings; the same rule should apply for games.

Excuse #7: "Think of the children!"
Here's another classic excuse that hinges on playing the part of the selfless relative. The rambunctious nature of little children often means that they get a free pass to do as they please at family gatherings – as long as they're not torturing the dog or breaking stuff, no one really cares. Secretly ask your nieces/nephews/younger siblings/random neighborhood kids if they want to play video games – if they say yes, you're pretty much obligated to play with them. Remember, you're not secluding yourself from the other adults to selfishly play video games; you're being the considerate guardian who's entertaining the children.

Excuse #6: An Answer For Everything
Smartphones have been a boon for stealth gaming; no one can see what you're doing on your private screen, and there's a wealth of valid excuses for why your eyes might be glued to your mobile device. Use that to your advantage during family gatherings by volunteering to answer any questions your relatives may or may not have by "looking it up on your phone."

Who invented tinsel?  How long should you cook yams? What the hell are yams? After playing a game for five minutes, reply to your waiting family member that the answer is yes. If it's not a yes or no question, just say the results are inconclusive. If someone questions why your phone is making video game noises while you're supposedly looking up answers, just say it's a state-of-the-art device like the handheld computer Al had in Quantum Leap.

Coming Up Next: Five more incredibly stupid ideas...

Excuse #5: "I'm just checking the turkey."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you're having trouble giving your family the slip in order to get your gaming fix, here's one method that's guaranteed to work.*

First, tell your family you're going to check on the Christmas turkey. Pull the roasting bird halfway out of the oven, insert your handheld console into its gaping cavity, and game away! If anyone asks why you have both of your hands jammed into the backend of the family's Christmas dinner, just tell them you're making sure that the stuffing is cooking evenly.

*This idea is completely idiotic and is in no way guaranteed to work.

Excuse #4: Spike the Egg Nog**
You don't need an excuse for playing video games if everyone is too drunk to care that you're playing video games. Get your family into the holiday spirit by spiking the communal bowl of egg nog. As soon as people start slurring their words and saying things like, "We should really gather to get more...get-togetherings," you can start your gaming session with impunity.

**Seriously, these are all horrible ideas. Don't try any of them.

Excuse #3: The Mistletoe Trap***
Keep your annoying guests at bay and enjoy your video games in peace by surrounding your gaming console in an elaborate labyrinth of mistletoe. Like garlic to a vampire, mistletoe will repel anyone who doesn't want to lock lips with a family member (if that doesn't deter your relatives, you have bigger problems than trying to find time to play video games).

If a significant other breaches your defense and comes in for a smooch, just suck all of the air out of their mouth until they pass out, then continue playing games as usual.

***Actually, this one is pretty awesome.

Excuse #2: A Tangled Web
Even after Christmas is over, there's still plenty of gaming to be had before heading back to work or school. In order to safeguard a big block of time for your hobby, tell your family that your New Year's resolution is to give up playing video games; that should give you some leeway to cram in as much gaming as you can before New Year's.

When 2013 rolls around, confess that you still intend to play a crapload of video games, but that your conciliatory resolution is to stop lying to your loved ones.

Excuse #1: If You Can't Beat 'Em...
Why are you trying so hard to ditch your family to play video games, anyway? The holidays are supposed to be about coming together and enjoying the company of your loved ones, not being a manipulative and antisocial jerkbag who selfishly hordes their digital entertainment like Gollum. You're a monster.

Why not make things right by doing the noble thing? Once the festivities are in full swing, set up your gaming console in the living room, pop in a family-friendly title, and invite everyone to play. Teach your grandpa how to bowl in Wii Sports, or help the kiddies collect studs in one of Traveller's Tales' Lego games (for real this time). Even your technology-illiterate aunts and uncles will recognize and enjoy a four-player Mario session. So quit being a Scrooge and include the whole family. If that doesn't work, revert back to the other nine excuses.

Have your own excuse? Share it in the comments section below. Happy holidays!