humor

A Poképoem About The Reasons Trainers Pick Fights In Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire

by Kyle Hilliard on Nov 20, 2014 at 09:45 AM

In the world of Pokémon, few have social anxiety, and even fewer know how to properly begin a conversation. As it turns out, the fear of strangers dissipates when everyone has the technology to command and train a small animal to fight for them. Simply walking around becomes an invitation to battle Pokémon everywhere you go – even while swimming.

These are just a few of the actual confusing conversation openers competing trainers used to introduce themselves and start battles in Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. And I decided to make them rhyme.

Destinee said she was hungry, and then threw out her creature,
Black-belt Atsushi fought me in a graveyard, because he thought I was his teacher.

While walking along the beach, Tuber Lola said an umbrella looked like a flower,
“My strongest skill is busting bricks with my forehead,” said Rob in a show of power.

Youngster Billy said, “Leaving footprints in the sand is so much fun!” then attacked,
Street-thug Blair thought I wanted his snow cone, causing him to overreact.

Dale said I snuck up on him while fishing, throwing out a wild accusation,
“Camping’s fun! You can roast marshmallows,” said Shane, enjoying his vacation.

Victor Winstrates invited me into his home, but not until I fought his family,
I was later asked by Aroma Lady Daisy, if I found a fragrance smelly.

“When you’re out on a picnic, why, you simply have to sing!” said the elated picnicker Carol,
“What do you call a man who lives among the mountain crags?” asked a man with camping apparel.

Youngster Neal charged and asked me to guess why it was cold,
Triathlete Dylan paused his race, not caring about the gold.

Clarissa promised to explain her parasol after our fight,
It was to ward off Pokémon, which prompted an uninterested, “All right.”

Poké maniac Mark thought battling in a graveyard would be an appropriate place,
Camper Drew was jealous of my Go-Goggles and wanted to rip them off my face.

Rose reminded me the aroma of flowers cleanses body and soul,
Then our pets fought one another until combat took its toll.

Through all of Hoenn, there were only a few who tried to be polite,
Willing to talk and not be weird before instigating a fight.

During my journey collecting them all, I can only remember two,
Picnicker Irene and Bug Maniac Brandon asked nicely, “May I battle you?”

Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire releases tomorrow, November 21 for Nintendo 3DS. Once we get a chance to try out the online, we will post our review.