Gaming Disguises That Shouldn’t Work But Did
Getting around without your enemies recognizing you is a key component in many games. Often times, our heroes don a disguise in order to hide their identities and sneak around. In some cases, however, the disguises are so weird or outlandish that they just shouldn’t work. We take a look at a few of those cases here.
1. Aiden Pearce - Watch Dogs
Imagine you’re walking down the street and you see a man in a trench coat, hat, and a mask covering his face as he hunches over and stares at his phone. You would be hard pressed to not assume this person was up to no good.
It’s easy to see what Ubisoft Montreal was going for; they wanted Aiden’s identity to be disguised. In that sense, they accomplished their goal. Sure his disguise prevents people from figuring out his identity, but there’s no doubt that he blatantly sticks out in a crowd of normal people. Chicago must not have a “See Something, Say Something” rule in place.
2. Agent 47 - Hitman series
Agent 47 wears many faces. The sheer number of weird and interesting disguises in his wardrobe puts anyone else on this list to shame. From the normal (police officer, plumber) to the weird (chipmunk suits and scarecrows), there’s no end to what Agent 47 will wear to get by.
All we wish for is that he could change his terrifying countenance once in a while. One would think that giving everyone a death stare would raise an eyebrow or two. His signature dome and back of his head barcode aren’t the most inconspicuous of features for a man looking to lie low, either.
3. Link - The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Link is never one to feel fear when going headfirst into a group of monsters – when he has his sword, of course. In a certain sequence in Wind Waker, Link loses his sword and is left to explore a giant enemy-filled fortress without a weapon. His character feels almost naked without his sword, and if an enemy catches you running around the tower it’s back to the slammer.
Thankfully, the Moblins have placed a number of empty barrels for Link to hide and walk around in. If you get too close to a Moblin they will turn around, but they have no inclination to check out the barrel two feet behind them as long as it’s not moving – they also never bother to figure out why it keeps moving when they’re not looking. This definitely hearkens back to a more than familiar slithering spy in a box as well.
Next up: Even more dumb disguises…
4. Sly Cooper - Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves
Sly, the world’s greatest thieving raccoon, has gone undercover several times throughout his criminal career. In Sly 3, he and his team scour the globe finding fellow master thieves to help them pull off the ultimate heist.
Early on, Sly and friends are in Venice. To get around without being instantly attacked, Sly dresses in the garb of the patrolling guards. His magenta overcoat and masquerade mask don’t do much to alter his appearance; his bushy tail also doesn’t prevent him from looking like a raccoon. But if he was ever stopped by a guard, all he had to do is give them the most recent password and he was on his merry way.
5. Red XIII - Final Fantasy VII
As a massive quadruped red lion, Red XIII is about as far from a human being as you can get. Regardless, Cloud and his party managed to stuff this creature into a human soldier’s suit. He walks around the Shinra cargo ship, bushy tail sticking out of his pants, barely keeping himself up on two feet. Amazingly, the plan goes off without a hitch and Red XIII manages not to arouse any suspicion despite his glaring appearance.
6. Ezio - Assassin's Creed series
Ezio Auditore da Firenze is about as cool as his name is. He’s worldly, intelligent, and quite the ladies’ man. He’s also one of the most efficient killers in history.
Throughout his journeys as an assassin, he wears the most stylish and extravagant clothes of anyone in Renaissance Italy. As a result, we have one of the most recognizable and cool video game character designs ever. The problem is that Ezio sticks out like a sore thumb – not exactly what an assassin should do.
You’d think any passing guard would just look at Ezio, see his swords, bombs, blades, and his sketchy demeanor (hood up and hunched over) and instantly raise the alarm. After a day of causing trouble, all the guards would get orders to look for a mysterious man with a hood covered in weapons, but Ezio manages to walk right by them nine times out of ten.
7. Octodad - Octodad Dadliest Catch
Octodad is a cephalopod for whom I hold great respect. He’s a guy just trying to get through the daily grind. Working a 9 to 5, grocery shopping, and hanging out with his wife and kids are some of the items on his to-do list. The only problem is that Octodad happens to be an octopus, suction cups, eight tentacles, and all. The developers acknowledge this fact as commentary about a father working his hardest to be the best dad he can be despite immense adversity.
Nobody seems to question his demeanor, however, as he knocks over milk jugs or gets stuck on various objects with his tentacles. People just assume he’s a bit of a weirdo but a nice guy. “He must be an octopus” would be the last thing anyone would assume, but all the signs are there if the public would just open their eyes.
What are some of your favorite terrible disguises?