The Return Of Darth Clark

Every April we run a feature in the magazine called Game Infarcer. As the title suggests, Game Infarcer is a parody magazine that pokes fun at trends in the industry, as well as ourselves. Every year, despite the fact that the cover says "World's #1 Pretend Magazine" and each page has the word "Parody" at the bottom, some of our readers think Game Infarcer is real, and get upset about the (fake!) news and (fake!) opinions that it contains. Reading their heated responses is as much of a tradition as Game Infarcer itself.

We ran a few of the responses we received in this issue's Feedback, but thanks to a particularly inflammatory editorial from Game Infarcer's returning editor Darth Clark, we have a ton of other humorous replies that didn't make the cut. We've removed the names of the responders to protect the gullible, though the punctuation, spelling, and grammar have been left intact. If you're looking for more letters from people who couldn't take a joke, check out the fallout from our Clash of the Titans Timeline joke from last year. That one still makes me shudder.

Here is the letter that caused so much trouble:

Laughing With Us:

• Ok, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. I was a little afraid that, after the mountain of stupidity rolled in last year concerning Darth Clark, he would either be scrapped or toned down. My fears were unfounded. The last paragraph of his LFTE was absolutly brilliant. You know another mountain is coming, and you did it anyway. You did it anyway. Good for you! I can't wait to see the letters from this one, and the half scathing half exasparated comments that are going to follow. Keep up excellent work guys.

• Well GameInformer, it's that time of year again when the ignorant readers begin threatening to end their subscriptions because of GameInfarcer. But I gotta say, it's worth reading ever year. Darth Clark comes off as a bit of an arse, telling us what a true gamer is. It's actually nice to be contradicted (even if by a fictional character). Keep up the good work, and whoever is writing Clarks crap, good work with the trolling. Keep me laughing guys. Please.

• Every year I look forward to the Gameinfarcer and this year was awesome. Everytime I read it I just know two issues later theres going to be someone really hurt about what Darth said and I love it. Don't listen to those little cry babies that don't know how to take a joke, you guys are awesome.

• I have never written to you guys, or any other magazine.  But today I am compelled to do so.  The Game Infarcer in issue 216, specifically the "I will educate you" editorial had my co-workers and I laughing to tears.  That was awesome!  Keep up the good work.

Almost Got It:

• In issue216 i saw darth clarks "i will educate you" column, and was just wondering if this was for real or is this guy just a big joke? His description of real gamers is ridicules, from mainstream series games to players who spend their time playing only one game. I played warcraft for 4 years exclusively because i was so in to it even though i wasnt very good at it. The end of his column i dont know if readers should take as a threat or an insult where he states that hes the editor of a massive vidoe game publication and cant be proven wrong!? This guy really sounds like hes full of crap, and i shouldnt remind him that one of the reasons why the meg is so big is because of us, the readers! If D-clark infact isnt a real person, which i hope he isnt, then discard this e mail and go on with the your lives.

• April issue pages 36 thu 39 parody section I'd like to comment on darth's education. I'm assuming its fake but I'll give you what you want anyway. Your telling me buying a mainstream game you told me with your number ratings makes me not a gamer is BS. I read you so I could save dough n not buy s***. Your editor in chief of a massive video game production big deal your job IS to play the s*** games and tell us they are s***.

Butt Tattoo?:

• I just barely opened my new issue of game informer while doing my house wifely duties and was disgusted to find some idiot dressed like a member of Greenday saying that because I like certain games I'm not defined as a gamer? Thanks for allowing your employees to insult your customers, really.

  Let me define a real gamer Mr. Darth Clark, a real gamer no matter what games they play will sit in their living room for 48 hours straight falling asleep sitting up for ten minutes at a time when the game does whatever repetitive action required to level up. A real gamer skips a house party to stay home and sit at their computer so they can see what the next level of the dungeon is. They would play a game involving picking up dog crap on Neopets if nothing else was available. A real gamer is a person with an addiction to video games even if they are something stupid like Viewtiful Joe, Barbie Horse Adventures or Babysitting Momma.

  Don't tell me what I like makes me less of a fanatic for an entertainment genre, tell my tattoo artist who stuck a NES controller with the name of the first video game I bought with my own money in the corner instead of Nintendo on my butt. You're not a gamer, you're an overdramatized nerd trying to gain power through snobbiness and bragging. Merry X-Mas, you made yourself look like a tool by working for one of the most popular game magazines in the country making you just as bad as that guy who bought Dirge of Cerberus and beat it with it's crappy shooting/battle system just because it was FFVII related. Enjoy your underground, imported, foreign games that cost a stupid amount of money because I'll be here enjoying pissing my husband off by hogging the TV with my crappy but loved Gamecube, my childrens' games on the Wii, and yes, every night before bed I play Harvest Moon for four hours because I CAN. Does it makes you feel more manly to know I never bought a PS3 just because I still have PS2 games to beat or that God forbid, I hate first person shooters and military games? I hope so because in the end I know what I like and how passionate I am about it making me: A GAMER. One who doesn't need the approval of a bunch of idiots willing to make a community of people who should enjoy all the different kinds of things our "hobby" provides into a high school popularity contest based off of what game you play and what one you don't.

Haters Gonna Hate:

• Your arcticle with Darth "the hater" was kinda disturbing, you let a little kid who thinks he looks gangsta in his photo to decide who is a gamer "wow" where do i start?!?!? To put down gamers is a sure fire way to show your not a gamer, to put down a franchise that was pumping out classics before that boy was ever born is proof he is not a gamer. To define a gamer is to apprieciate games in all its forms even if they are garbage its still a game that someone uses to escape reality, and enjoy other worlds other than their own. I know he has some smart remark but let him consider this. He is the one at the magazine company sitting behind a desk typing about gamers who play games that he doesn't like because he has no taste for games that have sold millions not because it's mainstream it's because it a good game, wow to put down something you either played and didn't like or didn't play because you knew you wouldn't like doesnt give you the right to put down the  gamers or the makers of games, becuase you think your a gamer let me see you go, and make a game better than the final fantasy series or any of the games that have come out and maybe I will consider you a gamer.

Gaming Anarchist:

• So I have just received issue 216 and I have to say after reading your description of what a gamer SHOULD be I'm a bit alarmed.This article has come across as extremely conceited.Being a gamer is defined by what you feel for games and your dedication to them no matter what genre,platform or frequency.I have played several social games,played games over and over again for months on end and I love many of the mainstream games(That's why they're mainstream!).You make it seem that you are trying to single out someone when really you have just named off about 99% of your readers.You may be the editor-in-chief ,but do you even respect games or did you work for your position to merely get the opportunity to tell gamers everywhere that you thought you were better than them?I get that you're trying to be the "Indie Gamer" and set yourself apart from the mainstream , but if you're so set on being the gaming anarchist then maybe you should be a bit more professional about it...you know since you ARE editor-in-chief and all.

The Wrong Role Model:

• I was reading what your Editor-In-Chief Darth Clark said in the latest issue about what it means to truly be gamer. I've always wanted to (but never could) consider myself a gamer since I figured I was never good at anything else and video games were my favorite thing to do in my spare time, and because I'm a girl, I feel like I need something to prove. My brother has always told me that I never was, and never could be, a "gamer" because I played games like Super Smash Brothers Brawl and Pokemon games (though I've played the other fad games and some lesser famed yet fun as heck titles) and because I wasn't as good at shooter games like Halo or "real" fighting games like Mortal Kombat and such like other people were. The only game that I own that people would consider "hard core" is Bioshock 2. Though reading what you have said about what it truly means to be a gamer reassures me because it means my brother isn't one either, this leaves me to wonder: Will I ever become a true gamer, or am I cursed to a life of a pathetic unskilled individual?

Weak Sauce:

• Dear Darth Clark... or whatever your name is, I just read your "i will educate you" column in the 216 issue and it made me laugh so hard. I agree that people who play facebook games arent gamers but why would you say that people who play mainstream arent and people who who play underground/indie games are? Your argument stated that by playing games no one has ever heard of, no one can challenge your opinion. D*** thats weak. Just because your the editor and chief doesnt mean you are the king of gamers and disagreeing with you doesnt make people less of a gamer. A gamer is someone who like to play video games and if you disagree with that then you're just ignorant or desperate for a title to give youself.

An Insult For Star Wars Fans:

• My first question would be did Darth get trolled in trade chat? I can't say I agree with insulting the same gamers that read your magazine. Is Darth even his real name? If not adding Darth to your name and insulting every other gamer out there doesn't make you cool nor do you win. It just makes you look like every other star wars fan boy the didn't get laid in high school.

"Enough Quotation Marks?":

• This letter will no doubt be deleted, however I still feel the need to compose and send it. I must disagree with your pompous definition of a "gamer" in the April, 2011 issue of Game Informer. Frankly I'm insulted at the lack of respect for those that pay your morgage, phone bill, internet connection, subscription to the "superior" obscure game you'll no doubt dump off in a couple of months as "old hat."...etc. By your definition there may only be a couple thousand "gamers" world wide.

  I speak for the multitude of finacially handicapped gamers. I don't own an Xbox 360, PS3, or Nintendo WII because, to be blunt, I cannot afford thier upkeep. If this fact drops me from your "prestigeous" definition of a gamer, then I don't want to be one. I'm sorry if my rent, car payment, phone bill, and college loan payments are more important than owning the latest and greatest. A gamer is NOT defined by what they play as you suggest. Rather they are defined by HOW they play.

  I've been playing games since I can remember, Does this make me a gamer? Certainly not!! On my first time through Ninja Gaiden for Xbox I located all of the Golden Scarubs without a guide. Did that act make me a gamer? No, but we're getting closer.

  A true gamer is one that pushes the limits of any, and every game. From Crash Bandicout, to Ninja Gaiden, to Final Fantasy (any of them), to Kingdom Conquest (I-touch), to...yes, even Pokemon for Gameboy. A True gamer jumps in over his/her head and figures out how to stay alive. A true gamer can pick up a controller to any game created, stumble through five minutes of control learning, and then WHAM, it's like he/she has been playing for 48 hours strait.

  How many games have you broken? I'm not speaking here of snapping a Nintendo cartrage in half out of frustraition. I'm talking about performing a series of actions that cause a game to stop, freeze, or reset. The other form of a broken game can be expressed by the gambit system of Final Fantasy XII. If established properly, once in range of an enemy you are free to take a bathroom break will not stressing about defeate or death....it's just to easy, thus broken.

  Your pessimistic view of your own kind calls into question your position of Editor-In-Chief. Just because you have nothing better to do than look for obscure gmes on one has ever heard of doesn't make your opinion automatically accurate. I feel that over-exposure to the gaming industry has devoured your ability to have fun, which is the entire point. Thus you synically cast your gaze down upon those of us that actually enjoy playing the games we do from an illusionary perch of unquestionable authority.

  One problem...You are wrong!!!

  Your definition may apply to the "Hyper-Critical" gamer, but what about the "elite" gamer, "casual" gamer, or "Time-pressed" gamer? For being the Editor-In-Chief of a top rated gaming magazing, your definition of a gamer falls laughably short.

  A gamer is simply, one who plays games...

But What About Phantom Dust?!:

1. To DARTH CLARK in his "I will educate you" article. I played through "Incredible Crisis" on PS1, "Godai" (horrible experience) and "Mr. Mosquito" on PS2 and one of my favorite games of all time "Phantom Dust" on xbox. Am I a gamer by your standards?

2. Is there any possibility of a sequel to Phantom Dust?!

Team Darth:

• This is for Darth on the "I Will Educate You' piece in issue #216 - Thank you! It's nice to know people still have standards in gaming. I can't begin to tell you all the none sense I deal with being a female gamer. All these little boys telling me they know games and what I should play because they play them, but when I ask what their first console was they say NES, SNES or worse still - Xbox. I tell them mine was a Turbo Grafx 16 (which I still have and play) and these 'hardcore gamers' have no idea what I'm talking about! Silly little boys, go play Halo or COD and stay out of my strategy games - it's too complicated when you can't just aim and shoot. I might have to carry this article around with me ;)

• I just want you to know that I don't disagree with you. Not everyone can be called a gamer. Then again, not everyone wants to be called a gamer. If all of what you said in 'I Will Educate You' is true, then I have never wanted, and will never want to be called a gamer. On another note, the tone you took in your column implied that the people who play many of the games that your magazine has reviewed are not worthy of being called gamers. A word to the wise, hypocrisy is not the best way to get your point across. The intimidating photo didn't help either. It only made you look like a jerk.

• So I had read Darth Clark's thoughts on what a 'real gamer' and I realized something: I am all over that. I personally can't stand why everybody plays COD games since they're coming out every 12-18 months, but instead I spend hours upon hours playing games people can't stand to hear me talk about. I play the ASCII version of the rougelike game Dungeon Crawler. Not only is it really damn long, but you have to delve through a dungeon, then climb out the whole thing again. Also: dying means all save data is lost. And I can't stop playing Dwarf Fortress, another horribly complex ASCII game involving alcohol consumption and the frequent, if not constant, death and dismemberment of dwarves. Obviously Darth Clark and I should hang out and go to local video game retailers and scoff at people who buy anything else.

  Love the magazine, keep up the satire

*Facepalm*:

• I often see reflections of my own gaming persona in the writings of your staff, but I found a true mirror image in the most unlikely of places: Darth Clark's editorial in Issue 216's GameInfarcer. I disagree that we need a label for what a gamer in general is, I'm a fan-boy for all that is Final Fantasy, and I reached Nine Lives on Modern Warfare 2, but I naturally think higher of my opinion because I turned everyone on to Katamari, think Heavy Rain was better than The King's Speech, and bought a DS just because of Atlus. I can't help it, but I do label a 'true' gamer as a very ecclectic gamer, an early adopter, a lover of all that is gaming, and not just a genre or two. How bad is it that I resemeble Darth Clark at all?

Catch-22:

• Dear Darth Clark, editor in chief. Your, “I will educate you” column. Just because people like halo, assassin’s creed or Final fantasy and we can’t be called a gamer. I like FF and it’s the 1st RPG game I played. Yes it’s your definition of a gamer but no one cant challenged your opinions just because you play a few games that most people don’t hear about by the media. So if they put the games in the media then your definition wouldn’t be right cause then everyone will hear about the games. So what does that make your definition.

Down With Hipsters:

• I was reading the Gameinfarcer article (which I love) and noticed Darth Clark's comment on what it takes to be a gamer. As I read I couldn't help but become enraged by the crap he was saying. Since when did calling yourself a "gamer" mean you have to be a "hipster?" So what if I don't play the underground games that nobody knows about. If they were to become popular would you play them again (probably not because it would go against being a hipster)? I love games and play them every day. I can spend hours with a new game and only pause when it's time to eat or go to the bathroom. Isn’t that being a gamer? It's not what you play; it's how much you play. To sum things up I think you need to go back and change the definition of what it means to be a gamer because if that's the case, this magazine is not focusing on the games "gamers (hipsters)" play.

• I love the GameInfarcer.  What's even better is when the unknowing turds write in complaining that Darth Clark is real.  While I have always found this section hilarious, I was struck by this fictional character's obsession with staying away from popular trends and only playing unknown games.  I want to you know why you made Darth Clark a hipster ?   Would he drink PBR tall-boys ?  Would he match undersized flannel shirts with skinny jeans ?  The world has suffered enough from the plague of hipsters, yet you insist upon creating one more.  Tsk tsk tsk.

Big Boy Status:

• The real reason why I'm writing to you is because of this ONE article that was written by the famous Darth Clark. I must say that the article he wrote was very "insightful" towards the term "gamer." I noticed he wrote the article as if he was lashing out at the readers who made comments on previous articles about how you guys run the magazine, how you guys pick and choose how games are ranked, and all that good stuff. From what I read and from what I got out of what I read, I kind of agree with him and at the same time shaking my head with disappointment. Reason being is how he explained it.

  I understand that you all have to sit through every game that comes out, big or not, so you can try it all out and then write an article about it for us to read. I understand that a lot of games that don't make it out as "popular crap" to the general public can be really boring and would make you break your system out of annoyance. What I don't understand is why he has to make it sound like it's a horrible career, because it's not; and he really doesn't have to go about flashing his "big boy" status because we ALL know he's an editor-in-chief for a successful video game publication.

  So really, Darth Clark, you don't have to go lashing out at the rest of us, because some guys like myself, would kill to take your position. I can honestly say, for the sake of this writing, that there is really no clear definition to the term "gamer" aside from an individual who loves to play video games. Darth Clark, you do what you do because it's what you are getting PAID to do and I assume that you love it, and how do YOU GET PAID? From paid subscriptions by who...us the subscribers. I'm not proclaiming myself as a hardcore gamer, but I do play video games a lot, and that's why I totally love Game Informer because I know you guys play all sorts of games that a lot of us haven't heard of and yet you write about these unknown games down to the very smallest detail, even helping us on what video games to buy and don't buy. But if calling yourself a gamer means exactly what you mean: being a p***k about sitting in a chair in front of a television and playing video games, traveling to places and visiting video game conventions, playing all kinds of unknown games ON TOP of the "mainstream series" games that the rest of us would play, then writing about it for ALL your readers to read and THEN slapping us in the face with an article trying to "educate" us just because we call ourselves gamers, then I guess what you're trying to tell us is that you hate what you do, and you hate it even more when the rest of us would say "Hey, I'm a gamer."

  Please don't take my feedback as a disgruntled or angry reader. It's just food for thought: please try not to write an article that undermine your readers. We love video games, and we're all gamers, hardcore or not, at least try and agree on that. We're all here to know about and play the best game available, and thats where you guys come in with your perfect articles, that I love to read, on so many games that are out there.

  I love you guys and your magazine, and I won't EVER stop subscribing to your magazine.

Some Disassembly Required:

• just read the magazine i received in the mail and for once I was disgusted at the material. A certain "wannabe" editor-in-chief "Darth Clark" printed a column that desperately needs disassembling. First off the article is labeled "I will educate you", and that is already a sign of a inferiority complex in the making. After getting past the horrible title I tried to to give it a chance, only to be slapped in the face with ignorance, arrogance, and disrepect. He claims to be the only gamer in existence and the only thing he uses to justify this is his never heard of games he plays. I have been a gamer since atari and I have always found it to be better to play games you can talk about with your friends, also GameInformer only covers games in america that are reknown so kinda ironic isnt it. Anyway this article had no intention to it rather than trying to portray him as being the best and only gamer which I find pathetic, especially the part in which your opinion doesnt matter because I can write in a magazine. My take is that he was beat horribly in a video game. Being immature and childish he decided to write an article to tell the world that he is the best......at posing as a gamer. P.S.- Gameinformer please keep the kids out of the print room so I can get articles with pertinent information in them.

A Logical Argument:

• I just renewed my subscription today, and one of the first things I read was "I Will Educate You" from editor-in-chief Darth Clark. Under Darth Clark's assumption of what a "gamer" is, I am not a gamer. So now what do I do? Do I play these games that make one a real gamer as described by Darth? Or do I cancel my gaming magazine called GameInformer? Canceling would be the more logical route. Right? I mean after all I'm not a gamer.

  I don't play just one game or one game type. I'm open to all genres of gaming but there are always games in those genres that just flat out suck. Yeah I have favorites, just like every gamer out there. Some of my favorites are mainstream. Not just because it's the hot new game but because I think it is fun.

  Please tell your readers and myself as to why you published this article. Halo series, Assassin's Creed series, the majority of the Final Fantasy games, and Red Dead Redemption have received great reviews from GameInformer staff. So since you published this rant, are we to not take you seriously? Are you going to stop reviewing and informing of mainstream games?

  Darth Clark can disagree with me, and that's fine. But while you are playing games that no one else in America is playing, I will be having fun playing Gears of War 3, Saints Row: The Third, and other awesome games.

  xP.S. Cute Pic

Money Talks:

• We don't pay to read trash that spews out of your mouth. Your "definition" of gamer is insulting to your readers and other game enthusiasts everywhere, and to lord your job, ya its a job not a status, over people is wrong. I don't look down on people who play mainstream games like halo or COD I just choose not to play them, as YOU should ALSO do.

  There is nothing wrong with enjoying a piece of art, yes games are art, that took years to create by people who have the creativity and imagination to think up these ideas. Not everyone is going to find the statue of David as inspiring or interesting as others but that's just personal preference.

  Plenty of people play less known games and share them with the rest of the community instead of saying they are lesser beings because they don't play them.

  A gamer is a person who chooses to aspire to something more then just the game, but to be the best they can be in the game and to impart wisdom to others about it and other games.

  You are not a gamer, you are a condescending person who has an over inflated ego.

  Here is the REAL little secret: By writing that column you have just insulted game creators, game players AKA your readers who PAY for your job that you lord over us and lost a subscriber, because there are plenty of other informative publications that would be glad to take my money and not insult me in the process.

  Thank you.

• I was not impressed at all with Darth Clark's article "I will educate you" in my last game informer. And I say last not because it was the most recent one but last as in I am canceling my subscription. I found his article rude, offensive, and just plain ignorant. If he had used "game connoisseur" instead of "gamer" I might have understood his concept.

  I am by no means a gamer, but I do play games on facebook, so I did take offense at his comment there. However, my husband and son are gamers (not by Darth's definition) and they do play Halo and Assasin's Creed. I would think that if Darth was to find one of his games that defines him as a "gamer", wouldn't he want to share it with his friends? Then, in turn, it becomes popular and soon everyone is playing it? Does that mean he is no longer a gamer?

  And by defining himself a "true gamer" by being original and not following the crowd, insulting readers of a magazine that pays his salary, I want to show him my originality by cancelling my subscription so as not to be a sheep.

• First of all, I am not impressed with your new Editor-in-Chief, Darth Clark. I find him to be arrogant and condescending. Borrowing his words, "I will educate you," don't insult your readers who don't play the same game as you do. As Editor-in-Chief, you should reach out to all gamers regardless of tastes to grow your subscriber base. If you only appeal to those gamers who share your unique tastes in games, you wouldn't have a magazine. You may be Editor-in-Chief, but I can trump that. I am a subscriber and I can spend my money elsewhere.

• I have always enjoyed reading GI, but lately I have been very turned off by some of the arrogant comments left by your editor Darth Clark. for example. An editor ranting about how who we should classify a "gamer". That's cute,  In fact, what was the point of that article? seriously, who cares? The point of playing games is to have Fun. Some "gamers" do not have the luxury of playing every game that is out there and let alone play a horrible one, just to call himself a "gamer". Thats where you guys come in. We rely on you guys to do the dirty work for us so we do not waste our money on crap games. And nice one on the "which one of us is the editor of a massive video game publication" comment. You're really going to win over a lot people with that remark.

  P.S. I am not going to renew my subscription with you guys when the time comes. I'll get my gaming news and reviews elsewhere

And The Longest Response Award Goes To...:

• Darth Clark sure has one thing right, defining the title of “gamer” has been a difficult task ever since the creation of Pong. It has meant different things to different people. For some, it brings images of fat, unsociable kids in front of their television screens, shooting aliens throughout all hours of the night, eating Cheetos while their classmates play beer pong and flip cup. For others, it means a dedication to a cult series, such as Halo or Final Fantasy, and yes, for many it is clicking away at computer keys on Farmville or other Facebook attractions. I do admire his attempt to clarify things for people that may not understand the dimensions of the gaming world, its industry, and its members, however, I don’t believe his list of qualifications and limitations do the trick for the multifaceted word: GAMER.

  Just as the video game industry itself, gamers have many complex faces, personalities, purposes, loves, and hates. In reality, there is no clear cut, step-by-step process to follow before someone can be dubbed with the title of video gamer, and to say that one does exist, shows complete ignorance of the human make up. One of the reasons the industry has thrived is because it caters to a wide span of people with different interests and tastes. So what if I like Red Dead Redemption and have found every feather and Templar flag in each of the three Assassin’s Creed titles? Just because one of your indie PC games can’t hold my attention or fingertips for longer than five minutes doesn’t make me any more or less passionate about gaming than you are. Those titles have gained their popularity for a reason, and it is not because a bunch of idiot kids who “claim” to be gamers buy them and acquire each of their achievements. It’s because an elite team of creative individuals, who all come from different gaming backgrounds, bring their various talents to one stage and create something beautiful, gripping and sometimes mind boggling and mystifying. Is it such a surprise that if a team of people accomplished what some companies can’t that they would be popular? Games are created for everyone to enjoy as an art form and entertainment, and to say that you can’t be a gamer because you simply loved them too is insulting to the award winning companies that created them.

  I have been in love with video games ever since my father purchased my first XBOX on Christmas 2004. I had fallen in love with Fable (sorry if that is too mainstream for you), and it sparked a passion within me I did not know I had before. It opened doors to games like Call of Duty, Gears of War, the Elder Scrolls Series, Mass Effect and Fallout. Some of the games on my favorites list may be the on the s*** list of many big name publications: The Darkness didn’t do well against critics and neither did Prince of Persia 4 or Fable III, but that doesn’t make me love them any less, because other gamers favorites may not appeal at all to me. If veryone was supposed to like one “type” of game, the video game industry would have collapsed upon itself, because who likes making the same thing over and over and only catering to a small portion of individuals? How can you be a business success by shutting your doors to people wanting to plug your discs into their consoles because they simply aren’t worthy enough or don’t fit a specific description?

  Also, what gender comes to mind when you think of the word gamer? Obviously, a male. I am proud of my gamer-hood as much as I am proud of being a woman, but I can’t tell you how many times I have been kicked out of a Gears of War, Call of Duty, or Halo online co-op because of my gender, considering some people out there think girls have two left thumbs and their high levels of estrogen make them incapable of getting a headshot with a virtual sniper rifle. I have been laughed at in GameStops because I was not shopping for my boyfriend or little brother and I myself have been called a fake gamer without being able to prove myself by wiping out my accusers on a television screen simply because of my genetics. Its people like you that make me relive those moments, because they make me feel like even more of an outcast in a notoriously outcast world. And if you can’t chill with the other outcasts, where do you hang out? The gaming world is not about its exclusiveness, it’s about its INCLUSIVENESS. You can have the most generic gamertag in the world and no one will know your face or story as your kick their ass in some shooter or have a level 80 on World of Warcraft. All they are is person behind a computer screen or with a controller mingling with the other faceless individuals in virtual outer space, an uncharted jungle, the wild West or down below sea level thousands of feet in the drowning Rapture. We share no common race, age, gender, sexual orientation, gaming likes or dislikes, but we do share one thing: a love for the game and the itch that never goes away to pound away at a controller or keyboard for hours on end because we cannot sleep until we find out what happens on the next level.

  So what if I have never had a number one spot on an XBOX LIVE chart? Or that I haven’t ever heard of your bizarre underground RPG? So what if my Gamerscore isn’t 187,977 points? Or that I buy popular titles because my friends say it was mazing? So what if I don’t play PC games (sorry, too many keys for me to keep up with, and I prove to strut my stuff better on a hand-held device)? What is to say YOU know the true definition of “gamer” any more than I do? “You’re free to disagree with me, but here’s a little secret: There’s another sign that you aren’t a hardcore gamer.” Funny, Hitler said that if people didn’t agree with him that they must be either against the Third Reich or Jewish, and look what happened to them. Are you trying to unleash a gaming holocaust? [Editor's Note: Godwin's Law is once again proven true, despite how sadly absurd it is.]

  I feel as though, Darth Clark, you are attempting to make the gaming world more exclusive, like all the kids in high school that sat in the corner of the lunch room dressed in black, pierced faces, and played Marilyn Manson music because no one else understood them as they tried “not to conform” to anything (yeah, I was one of those kids actually, thank God for maturity). News flash, no matter how much you try to scare us off with your big name editorial position, we have voices too, and yes we disagree with you and yes we have a good argument against you, contrary to your belief. And if real, hardcore gamers should only like underground RPGs and bizarre imports from Timbucktoo, shouldn’t they also read unpopular game critics? Since you’re so popular, maybe real gamers don’t read YOUR blog. You are not God of the Gaming World and it is not your job to walk around stamping “GAMER” and “NOT GAMER” on everyone with a console’s forehead. Yes, I like Red Dead Redemption, BioShock, Oblivion and Mass Effect 2. Yes, I am a girl. Yes, I am a nerd (and proud of it). And yes, I am a gamer. And there is nothing you can do or say to make me any different *sticks out tongue, makes L with fingers and puts it on forehead and chants “nanee, nanee, boo boo!”*