Top Ten Horses in Video Games
Few topics have divided the Game Informer office more than identifying the most wonderful horsey in the world of video games. When it came time for everyone to vote for his or her favorite horses, enthusiasm ranged from “I don’t get it” to “get that paper out of my face.” With their lean muscular frames and shiny manes, a horse’s beauty serves to inspire us all. They’d likely be man’s best friend if it weren’t for those mangy, overrated mutts. Wear your horse love tall and proud – these are the top 10 horses in all of gaming.
1. Epona (Legend of Zelda series) – Epona left quite a mark on our young, impressionable minds. Who would have thought when we first saw this little runt at Lon Lon Ranch that we would eventually spend so much time together battling monsters, capturing Poes, and saving the world from imminent destruction? Who would have thought that we’d then spend the rest of our waking hours drawing pictures of Epona on the back of our notebook, braiding our imaginary pony’s hair, and day-dreaming about frolicking through fields of white flowers with a giant horse? Who would have then thought we’d then sneak into the Jefferson’s ranch at midnight, put on our mom’s green tights, and feed the horses carrots while no one was looking? Who would have thought, indeed? But that’s exactly what Nintendo had planned all along.
2. Shadowmere (The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion) – After completing the Dark Brotherhood missions we were rewarded with this faithful companion. With her dark mane and red eyes she looked truly wicked, but Shadowmere stood with us through thick and thin. Except for that one time where he turned on us for no reason, and we had to climb a nearby building and knocked her unconscious with a hail of arrows and abandoned her in Bruma. We miss you, you big, demon-possessed lug.
3. Agro (Shadow of the Colossus) – When a boy spends all day with a horse – when he eats, and sleeps, and even bathes with his horse – he develops a special relationship with the lean, muscular animal. The boy in Shadow of the Colossus was so lonely that we shouldn’t have been surprised when he tried to resurrect the first dead girl he came across. The fact that Agro puts up with all the crap the wanderer puts him through as the duo murders their way up the food chain alone makes this horse one of the most faithful companions in all of gaming.
4. Ruin (Darksiders) – When you first encounter the demon riding Ruin, you think, “Holy crap! That guy has an awesome horse!” After casually murdering the rider, you think, “Holy crap! I have an awesome horse.” When you call Ruin to your side, he explodes out of the ground, and suddenly you’re riding him. Of course, a good horse needs more than a great entrance…actually, no he doesn’t. He explodes up out of the ground!
5. Invincible (World of Warcraft) – Invincible was just a glorified family pet with an arrogant name when he passed away. However, when Arthas acquired the power of the Frostmourne, the death knight resurrected Invincible’s skeletal remains, and rode the beast into battle once again. A skeleton horse with giant gargoyle wings who really is invincible – we’re a little surprised he didn’t make the top of our list.
6. Odin (Final Fantasy XIII) – Odin is just an old guy with a giant grumpy face. Gross. But when we first saw the Eidolon transform into the stunning white equine, our horse-shaped hearts nearly exploded in a rainbow of joy. What could possibly be better than the thrill of riding a horse? Riding your own inner horse. Odin shared that joy with all of us.
7. Hudson Horstachio (Viva Piñata) – Hudson has one thing going for him: he’s filled with candy. Aside from being delicious, Horstachio is also a lover. In his mating video he stares longingly at his mate while chewing with his awesome horse teeth. As the jukebox plays on in the background, he runs up and kisses Ms. Hudson Horstachio on the nose. H-O-T. We’re surprised this video didn’t get berated by Fox News.
8. Rapidash (Pokémon) – Sure Rapidash isn’t as good as clearly superior Pokémon such as Lickitung and Mr. Mime, but they aren’t horses. If something gets set on fire and it’s still alive an hour later it earns our respect, which is why we have very little respect for bees – bunch of wussies.
9. Buck (Animal Crossing) – Buck was great. He was one of the first friends we made when we moved to Animal Crossing. He had a cool 8-ball t-shirt, and helped us acquire furniture for our place. We even helped Buck come up with a new catchphrase: “Kiss my buttmunch!” Of course, we had a bit of a falling out because he was upset when we stopped visiting for two weeks, and we thought he was being insensitive because we had to go out of town for our grandma’s funeral. We moved away that summer, but Buck was the best friend anyone could have had.
10. Water-horse-crab-leviathan thingy (God of War III) – Poseidon’s mount in God of War III was no pony. It wasn’t really a horse either, but the opening battle in God of War III got us more excited than the first time we saw Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken. Horses are generally perfect specimens, but it turns out water/horse/crab/dragons are pretty ***, too. We’re sure it was the horse part that really caused Kratos to sweat during that battle, though.