The lights are on
Power Member - Level 6
I apologize for the rate at which these stupendous displays of box art wizardry are trickling out. I just don't get around to pumping these bad boys out as frequently as I used to. But fear not, as long as I'm breathing (and Game Informer gainfully employs me), I'll do my best to expose the masses to the wonderment that is Behold the Beauty. That, and I need a confidence boost every once in a while. So here we go with round six. Strap yourselves in, you might get nauseous along the way.Let's pull no punches and dive right in, shall we? It's AAARGH! that settles into the leadoff spot this time around, and what an impression it makes. I get the whole energy rush one would get from witnessing ‚Äì and controlling! ‚Äì an epic battle between a fierce fire-breathing dragon and an intimidating Cyclops with Spock-like ears and a nasty horn jutting out of his head. It's even cooler that these larger-than-life combatants are busting out of their respective arcade cabinets like a jack-in-the-box on steroids as some poor *** ‚Äì with fashionable rolled up jeans and shiny black shoes ‚Äì tries to harness their power with his wired joystick. Heck, there's even electricity coursing through and out of each arcade cabinet; this cover just screams ACTION! And what better way to aptly communicate this not-to-be-missed experience than with the brilliant title of AAARGH!AAARGH! is what I immediately think (and maybe even mutter under my breath) when I read that the title of this game is, in fact, AAARGH! The creative well must have been running critically low when the marketing wizards christened this baby with such a horrendous name. Here's hoping they never made a sequel to this masterstroke. Can you imagine the possibilities? EEEK! UGGHHH! OOOMPH! GAAAHHHHH! Ok, I'd rather not.I will say, though, that Cyclops does have some nicely combed hair. Gotta reach that female demographic any way you can.
I know, we've all seen this cover before and yes, it's probably been beaten to within one inch of its life for its insane usage of a baby wearing sunglasses that in no way correlates at all the the actual game. But guess what? It's a horrible idea so, therefore, it gets more of a beating!First off, from a technical standpoint, the Photoshopped sunglasses just look downright bad. Seriously, please at least try. And whose brilliant idea was it to put the title of the game on the baby's forehead? What is that even supposed to mean? Is someone supposedly disfiguring this helpless baby with ink or did the baby, in some amazingly ambidextrous fashion, write the title of the game on its own forehead? Last time I checked, only a mentally unstable person would tattoo a game title onto their forehead, trademark symbol and all. And here's an even more pertinent question: Why even use a baby at all?! Babies don't play video games, so they sure as heck don't play Super Bust-a-Move. And since they don't play Super Bust-a-Move, you'll never catch one rocking out to said game wearing sunglasses (wait, those aren't real?!), chewing bubble gum (last time I checked, babies don't have much in the way of teeth, let alone the motor skills to properly consume gum without choking and dying), and, oh yeah, acting oh-so cool with that game title splashed across its forehead. Wait, is that even gum the baby is chewing? The baby's blowing a bubble, right? It's always nice when the first emotions your cover elicits is confusion and anger. Poor baby, poor game. No wonder Akklaim went out of business.
The poor folks over at Sega decided Akklaim's version of cover hell wasn't egregious enough, so they went ahead and decided to go for broke. Seriously, can no one design a "proper" cover for Bust-a-Move? While the aforementioned "Too Cool for School" baby cover was Akklaim's weak attempt at being hip and edgy, Sega has decided to just go right for the jugular and scare the living crap out of everyone who has the unfortunate luck to cross paths with this abomination. No, I do not want to play a game that will, by the looks of it, force me to prop my eyes open with matchsticks. Seriously, matchsticks? Isn't this just a whimsical, appropriate for all ages puzzle game? So why do I feel like I'm watching a scene from A Clockwork Orange? Eyeballs McGee doesn't look like he's having any sort of fun and actually appears to be in a decent amount of physical pain. Just want I want out of my gaming experience ‚Äì pain and matchsticks to further elevate said pain. But at least we know there's a lot of balls; all providing even more proof that matchsticks really do an admirable job of ensuring you'll never, EVER, stop playing Bust-a-Move: Arcade Edition. I'm sold.
Mmm, walking. It's so much fun! My whole family loves walking, especially when you do it to music. Even my Dad gets in on the action even though he's more into lunging. My Mom is great at walking but sometimes trips over her obnoxiously long jeans. Oh Mom, when will you ever learn? Hee hee! My sister also adores walking almost as much as me. She especially loves it when we take a nice stroll past the fake beach under a beautiful striped sky. That really puts a smile on her face. But when it comes down to it, I like walking the most. I even tend to bring my Wii Remote and Nunchuck along because it makes me so darn happy. So happy that I tend to pee my pants. Don't tell my Mom.
Scary, possessed-looking blonde girl, please go home. The rest of you divas, find a new friend.
Email the author Jeff Akervik, or follow on Twitter, Facebook, and Game Informer.
"I even tend to bring my Wii Remote and Nunchuck along because it makes me so darn happy. So happy that I tend to pee my pants."
Lol, he totally did.
John Daly looks like the Kenny Powers of golf.
The dog one is too good. Same for the Pictionary one.
Hey, you're good at this! You should do an off-shoot series called "Awesome covers for terrible games".
Haha awesome! Are we going to get another episode of Horror Movie Lessons too? Those were amazing!
These are excellent, Jeff. I've been patiently awaiting the next installment of this series. My favorite is easily the pictionary one.
Gotta reach that female demographic any way you can.
That's what makes me what to buy a game....Cyclops men. Ladies can't resist.
Also, I didn't notice how scary that blonde is until you pointed it out...Nightmares tonight....