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And here we go again: To that wonderful place where putrid design and insane marketing strategy come together to form what can only be described as a visual abortion. This third iteration of Behold The Beauty (the first two can be found here and here) features some interesting creative choices – a rabbit, male bonding, and genetic abnormalities, to name a few – and the results are simply stupendous. Or just plain stupid.
So follow along as we uncover ten more diabolically deranged covers in our never-ending quest to find the elusive answer to that one singular question – why?
Growing up as a kid, I had ample experience dealing with misbehaving pets. Thankfully, none of them resembled the likes of Bad Cat; otherwise I would have just settled for a pet rock. Just look at him. If the Rambo-like headband, hip shades, and spiked wristband doesn't give you any indication of this feline's propensity for mischief then surely his spray-painting skills will. Never mind the fact that this cat not only knows how to wield spray paint and spell (I'm sure all bad cats and dogs and hamsters can do that), but this guy has the gumption to boldly state that he is, in fact, "bad" right there on a brick wall by which he so happens to be hanging out – Michael Jackson style. Oh, and in case you didn't know, he did you the favor of letting you know that he is, indeed, a cat. Don't want any confusion here. Good thing too, because I'm already perplexed as to what he's holding in his left paw. Is that string cheese? A stick of butter? Or perhaps a lighter? Don't tell me this cat smokes as well?! Or maybe he's into pyro. Perhaps the four debauchery thought bubbles he's throwing our way will give us some insight into his shenanigans. (Just as a side note, all great designers use bubbles as an effective and totally appropriate visual tool for delving into the psyche on an individual or, in this case, a cat.)Yet further investigation reveals that the antics found inside said bubbles do anything but reinforce the notion that this cat is indeed "bad." Falling off a beach ball? Throwing an unidentifiable object into a garbage can? Jumping off a stool? Please. I do these things all the time and never once have I had the urge to proclaim myself a "bad human" on some random brick wall. Look at how scared s***less Bad Cat is while falling off that beach ball. You've got to be kidding me. Bad Cat? More like Lame Idiot.
Oh yeah, that Rainbow Arts logo ain't nothing to write home about either. Another winner.
This cover is weirdly creepy if you look at it long enough. When did Mr. T start sporting a Peter Pan costume? Check out that dude on the left. Look at his eyes. (!!!) Yeah, I made the same mistake. Another interesting observation – when did women's legs become bigger then their midsection? She must do a ton of squats. Strangely, her left breast is twice the size of her right one. Yet her left leg seems smaller then her right leg. Good times. The artist might have wanted to consult a real life model to work out those annoying little proportional quirks. Or maybe that's how your typical elf woman is built. I mean, with her pirate eye patch, giant man hand, and Sasquatch-like legs, she's the most masculine, toughest looking elf of the bunch. Actually, it almost looks like they're posing for a WWE promo shoot. That title isn't too far off either: Elfmania = WrestleMania. Wait a minute... Over-the-top costumes, make believe characters, ripped muscles, intimidating poses, a sense of urgency in the air, the feeling you're about to get ripped off. Coincidence? I think not. This has wrestling written all over it. Elf wrestling!
Just don't look at those eyes.
The most paramount creative technique to use when it comes to the selling and marketing of games (or anything for that matter) – I just don't understand why more designers don't utilize such a proven tactic – is without a doubt the insanely large nose render. You slap a freakishly honker of a nose on your product's packaging and I guarantee people will flock to it en masse. Think about it, everyone loves a nose that's the size of baby's head. It's just so attractive and inviting. Even that dog on the cover is obsessed with it; like he's about to hump the guy's face right there on the spot. You look at this box art and start to wonder what the intended focus of the game really is. The dog? Or the schnoz that has the potential to block out the sun. That guy's teeth could use some work too. Looks like he chewed on a pen a bit too long. Mmm, ink. He needs a lady friend. But it's not like the dog is without faults of its own: Check out that giant torso. Yep, a little too big for such a seemingly small head. Poor pooch. He was also unfortunately saddled with a pair of giant bat wing-like ears. Yeesh. What kind of dog is this?Yep, "big" seems to be the theme of the day for Scrapyard Dog. Even the title itself was apparently too large and thus curves, ever so elegantly, down to the left – buckling under the weight of the ten ton boulder strapped to that guy's face. Looks great too. Nothing sloppy about it at all. Oh well, at least we've got a wonderful sun burst to help catch our eye. As if that nose wasn't enough of a focal point as it is.
A man and his love for a dog. Let nothing come between them.... other than that nose.
Aww, look how cute those little ballet shoes look all tucked away behind the My Ballet Studio logo. I'm glad they're there, otherwise I'd have a hard time figuring out just what type of studio this is. I also really like the tiara the older ballet dancer is sporting. Nice touch. And that little girl, isn't she just the cutest? Look at her graceful posture, those adorable almond-like eyes, the way she's so elegantly extending her arms...
Wait a minute, where's her right arm?!
Email the author Jeff Akervik, or follow on Twitter, Facebook, and Game Informer.
No. Just, no
The godzilla rabbit bit was hilarious!
Those elf eyes burned into my soul!
I believe the "head holes" are supposed to be some form of Shaolin head tattooing.
Still looks stupid.
Funny stuff. You need to include the game Shatterhand in one of these blogs. The game itself was amazing but the box art was absolutely horrendous. I'd love to see you tear it apart.
I was laughing so hard tears were coming down from my eyes. One of the best blogs ever. Thank you...
"Who hasn't seen this cover by now? Yeah, pretty much everyone. But that doesn't mean it's any less craptastic. And man oh man, this cover puts the "c" in craptastic."
Which C? o.o
Ha,but seriously,that godzilla bit made me cry x] Awesome blog ^_^
I feel the odd need to point out that complaining about a ribbon on the Yorkshire Terrier on the pet vet box art is kind of redundant.
A little bow on the breed is standard issue. Seriously, watch a dog show sometime, all the yorkie's will have them, as will the Shi-tzu's, the Maltese', and all the other over furred toy breeds.
Hrm. There seems to be a trend. All of these titles are oldschool, Atari, Nintendo, Super Nintendo... Wii? Wait, what? What is this blasphemy? A badly covered Wii game? Well, like most of these I'm sure the gameplay more than made up for it.
Jeff, I can't read any of your blogs without stopping to laugh my ass off! Hilarious stuff, man. Good work. And that Pac Man cover does look like something from a nightmare. Or some kind of fever dream. Either way, it's absolutely terrifying!
It's a Belgian rabbit!
Wow those are some aweful covers.Kool.lol
Mega Man needs his gat!
Bad Cat is probably a domestic cat!
I think just posting the covers without comments is enough comedy, but you take it to the next level. Bravo.
Favorite one of them all. Lol.