Behold The Beauty - GIJeffA Blog - www.GameInformer.com
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Behold The Beauty

Being a graphic designer, you can't help but pay extra special attention to the visual splendor (or lack thereof) of any particular medium. It's our job to A) communicate a particular message and B) do it in the most smart/clever and aesthetically appealing manner possible. Whether or not one achieves those goals is a matter of opinion. What seemed like a good idea at the time can come back to haunt you for the rest of your waking days. Don't believe me? Then take a gander at the following ten video game covers I've assembled for your viewing pleasure. And yes, Halloween is unfortunately over...

So mind you, I've never actually played any of these games so I can't vouch for their quality when it comes to their fun factor. But that doesn't change the visual atrocities that greet any and all that turn their gaze to these "works of art". Take, for instance, Street Sports Baseball. The title implies rough and tumble baseball played out on the mean streets of Anytown, USA. Instead, what we have here is a guy trying to rid himself of a bothersome fly or, and this is a big leap, he just smelled a fart. It's tough out there on the street.

 

There's a few things to note about the cover for Killer Kong. First, the blatant lie that this gorilla is, in any way, a killer. To me he looks like he's about to give you a hug or something even worse. What is up with that smirk? Secondly, when did this Kong (is he related to King Kong or Donkey Kong?) develop man boobs? And how does that help him further justify the moniker of being a killer? Perhaps he's spending too much time perfecting his Eddie Munster hairdo rather than hitting the treadmill. And the raging magenta background does nothing to help solidify the fact that this creature will kill anything other than your retina. I love it!

 

Drop kick a knife-wielding fool while flexing your chiseled muscles. I have officially failed in the manliness department.

 

Creepy Grandma. Pretty cool glasses. And I love how the title has a fabric texture to it. Perhaps this bionic grandma does some sewing in her spare time when she's not terrifying the bejesus out of her grandchildren. Good times.

 

Perhaps this guy will take his winnings and buy a new shirt. Perhaps the mystery box is a box full of shirts. At least he stands out in the sea of red surrounding him. It's a good thing too, it takes my attention away from that shirt. Good call.

 

Um...

 

First off, you had to love how Sega used graph paper for all of their covers during the Master System era. It helps you draw straight lines. But what is going on here? Did this guy rip off his own head? Or is it merely the fabled Headless Hank performing his patented death headlock on Bodiless Ben the Crusher? And they say wrestling is fake.

 

I don't know what's scarier – playing a "scooter simulator" or seeing this guy roll up on your ass. At least he's got the sense to wear some Timberlands as he rains death down on his opponents.

 

Get it? Karnaaj? How clever. Almost as clever as the eye shadow-wearing, blue hairstyle (and eyebrows!) styling, flesh-colored shirt sporting fool that's about to get run over by that pink death machine on wheels. And the blue capital "R"? Is that supposed to signify "rally"? Or is it the noise that poor guy is making as he's running for his life? "Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"

 

Am I the only one who'd love to punch this guy square in the head? This was the best they could come up with? It's Punky Brewster meets drunk Uncle Bill and they have a grand old time cruising around on their gnarly skateboard. Good thing he's got all of his safety equipment on. I'm not sure how much abuse that blue spandex body suit can take. Are those Papa Smurf shoes he's wearing? He looks pretty sure of himself. Kill me now.

Thoughts?

 

 

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Comments
  • LOL @ Touch DIC

    You gotta wonder how those marketing people ever got jobs.

  • Oh god, my thought hurts from laughter. I'm also getting pretty light-headed. This is the best Blog i have ever read, and ever will read.

  • This is one of the most hysterical posts you've written. I can't stop laughing. "It's tough out there on the streets." And man-boob gorrilla! OMG. OMG. Hilarious. That last guy looks like he's doing more than just skateboarding, too...

  • lol I touch dic made me burst out laughing
  • Expert

    So amazing.

  • Those are pretty funny and creepy at the same time.

  • Bionic Granny is officially the most awesomely lame thing I have ever heard. That's right, 'awesomely lame'.

  • Did they hire a high school student who took a graphic design class? No. They could do way better.

  • *Jaw agape.  No words, really*

  • Holy crap this was hilarious.  Great blog.  I started crying at the Killer Kong and just kept doing it later on down the line.

  • The first one I guess they were thinking it was a different time because that's how one would dress playing stick ball.

    As for the pro-wrestling one, as a fan, I think I got part of the metaphor as to why the guy's head was in his arms.

    Bionic Granny game me a good chuckle.

  • I have to say, the monocle in the Killer Kong image just puts the whole thing over the top. Covers like this make you wonder if visual taste escapes handfuls of people at a time, or procrastination taught by colleges across the United States is paying off here, or if some people are simply in the wrong career path.

  • Well done...very funny blog.  These covers make some of the crappy game art I came up with in 5th grade look awesome.

  • Brilliant!!! and terrifying. I can't believe the cover for Deal or No Deal. Horrifying.

  • What are you talking about, these are some of the best video game covers ever!

  • Staff

    This just blew my mind.

    I remember the Pro Wrestling Master System cover confusing the hell out of me as a kid. Well done.

  • Wow. These are abortions.

  • where can i buy these games at. better yet i'd trade all my systems for one copy of each!!!!!!!syke

  • Street sport baseball and Killer Kong, LMFAO funny!!!  

  • Ha ha! My stomach hurts. Ha ha!

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