Awkward Sex Noises Award: Every Female NPC, Breath of the Wild 
Only one thing elicited more raised eyebrows from my wife this year than the constant farting in Fractured But Whole, and that was every conversation in Breath Of The Wild. Seriously, what's with all the strange moaning and cooing that female NPCs make? I get not wanting to do a ton of voice work, but Nintendo's solution sounds like something you'd hear if you pressed your ear up to the door of a brothel. I'd like to talk to just one Hyrulean that doesn't sound like a turtle humping a shoe. Is that a Master Sword in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? And I'm done.

Most Screwed-Up Scale: New Donk City, Super Mario Odyssey
Can someone from Nintendo explain to me how size works in this game? Mario is already about a third of the height of New Donk City residents, which is confusing enough in itself. But that water tower is way too small, and the floors of the building on the right are about half the size as the one the left. Who lives in this madhouse of a city?! Oh well, at least they got an award out of it...

Surprisingly Great Award: Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle
Kingdom Battle made the Duby awards for how absolutely bonkers it looked, and the quality of the final game is equally surprising. It's not just that the XCOM formula somehow works for the random, family-friendly mash-up – it's that Kingdom Battle actually goes beyond the inspiration and carves out its own enjoyable niche. The team-up actions and heavy focus on melee makes Kingdom Battle a much faster and freer turn-based tactics game than XCOM – and you also don't feel like you just got kicked in the crotch when your entire squad wipes. Well done, Ubisoft!

Moby Dick Award: The Mighty Thunderjaw, Horizon Zero Dawn
Gamers have faced off against plenty of massive creatures in video games over the years, but few demand the same respect as Horizon's Tyrannosaurus rip-off, the Thunderjaw. The towering robot is capable of smooshing Aloy faster than you can say "Holy crap is that a dino--" and requires you use all of the skills and weaponry at your disposal if you want to survive.

I still have fond memories of my first 30-minute showdown against a Thunderjaw – even if some stinking Carja soldier came in at the last second and stole my kill. Regardless, a great enemy in an even greater game.

Best Shameless 180 Award: Fortnite
Fortnite's development cycle has lasted WAAAAAY longer than an actual fortnight, but the biggest challenge facing Epic's ambitious open-world crafting shooter has been getting players to notice it. That is until a few months ago, when Epic made a rather shrewd course correction in the form of a 100-player battle royale mode, which launched the game's popularity into the stratosphere.

And you know what? That's okay; Fortnite contains a lot of new and exciting ideas, so if it has to regurgitate one from PUBG (which didn't exactly invent the concept) to remain viable, I'm cool with that. Epic is already branching out with its own 50-vs-50 team mode, so hopefully Fortnite can legitimately make a name for itself moving forward.

Besides, I'm sure we'll see PLENTY of much more egregious PUBG ripoffs in 2018.

Not Up To Code Award: What Remains Of Edith Finch
I enjoyed What Remains Of Edith Finch a lot, but let's face it: There's no way this house is passing inspection. No wonder those damn Finches are dying all the time! How is that thing even standing?!

In fact, it's a bona fide miracle that they all didn't get killed by the house a thousand times over. The Greenbriar residence ain't got nothing on this baby. 

"Lifetime Achievement" Award: Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee
This special commendation goes to the classic puzzle platformer from Oddworld Inhabitants. In this case, the "lifetime achievement" is ensuring I will never correctly spell the word "odyssey" for the rest of my life. Due to Mario's new adventure, it was a bigger issue than usual this year. Thanks a lot, Abe.

What The Hell Is Going On Here? Award: Night In The Woods
I can accept a game about anthropomorphic animals getting into all sorts of depressed millennial drama – it is an indie game, after all. But this is where I draw the line, dammit. If Mae is a walking, talking, sentient cat, then what the hell is sleeping next to her on the roof? This is a hundred times worse than the Goofy/Pluto paradox! It would by like if you just casually strolled by some naked feral beast child sleeping on the sidewalk on your way to work. Night In The Woods is a weird game.

The Golden Heart Attack Award: PlayerUnknown's BattleGrounds
Forget horror games – nothing made me launch out of my seat in sheer terror more than PUBG this year. My wife worries all the time about how startled I get while playing games, but PUBG was the first time she seemed generally scared for my well-being. There's nothing like having 20 minutes of tense but mercifully uneventful scavenging interrupted by thundering gunfire or a deadly headshot out of nowhere. Full-body cringes are a common occurrence in PUBG, even when I'm the victor in a given skirmish! Does Razer sell gamer-branded defibrillators? 

Goat Of The Year: Assassin's Creed Origins
This is what it all comes down to, ladies and gentlemen. There were plenty of amazing GOTY contenders this year – the mountain goats from Breath of the Wild, Jackie from Night In The Woods – but none of them could hold a flame to our nubile nanny (I am assuming it's a female goat purely for the sake of alliteration. PROVE ME WRONG!). Assassin's Creed Origins' goats would make even the most limber Olympic gold-medal gymnast blush. Just look at that half-twist upside-down head tuck – and perfect tail formation to boot! Congratulations little buddy, you truly earned the honor this year!