Forget your typical genre categories and "Best In Show" – these are the awards that really matter. See which developers and games earned themselves an illustrious/infamous Duby at E3 2017.

E3 is always a magical time for gamers, and that goes double for those of us who are lucky enough to cover the show. Seeing all the new games, smelling the unforgettable smells (God, if only they could be forgotten), and trying to stomach cab rides in L.A. are just some of the experiences that define the show year in and year out. The biggest tradition of them all, however, doesn't start until the show ends: coming up with G.I.'s Hot 50 list and the accompanying Best of E3 Awards.

While fighting over arbitrary game rankings is always fun, over the years I've become disillusioned with the typical awards that outlets hand to publishers and developers. Genres are becoming less and less relevant as gaming experiences change and evolve, and exclusives simply don't hold the same weight they once did (not to mention handheld awards, which are pretty much a gimme for Nintendo at this point).

Rather than just complain about awards like every other yahoo on the Internet, I decided to do something about it. Introducing Funny To A Point's First Annual Dubious E3 Awards! Not only did I single-handedly pick every winner for these soon-to-be renowned awards (so you know they're good), I also made up every category! And unlike the usual generic E3 award categories, these awards are designed to encapsulate everything that was good, bad, and just plain weird about this year's show specifically. So without further ado, here are the award winners:

Worst Reveal Award: Some Dumb Car, Microsoft
With second-place hardware sales and a lack of console exclusives, Microsoft knew it had a lot to prove going into this year's E3. That's why the company came out swinging during its press conference with the world exclusive reveal of... a new car.

Look, racing games are a hard-enough sell during press conferences when you're blasting gamers with high-speed car chases and massive explosions – no one wants to see an actual car slowly rotate on stage like you're at the opening of your least-favorite uncle's used car dealership. I'm sure someone gives a crap about the Porsche 911 GT2 RSPPXLMAOSMH, but for the rest of us it was about as riveting as the year EA made Pelé read the phone book on stage for an hour.*

Making Good On A Gaffe Award: Battlefront II, Electronic Arts
I don't know if you heard this, but gamers think Battlefront didn't launch with enough content. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course you heard it! Even Finn from The Force Awakens unwittingly served up a big bowl of crap soup to EA when he called for a dedicated story mode after launch, in the politest, Finn-iest way imaginable.

But you've got to give EA credit: Not only did they acknowledge the criticisms of the first game on stage at E3, they ladled themselves a second serving by getting John Boyega himself to talk up the game. While Finn's endorsement doesn't hold a lot of weight for me (now BB-8 on the other hand...), I'm encouraged by the single-player campaign and EA's vow to launch the game with three times more content than Battlefront I, and provide multiple seasons of free DLC afterward. In fact, it almost sounds too good... what's the catch? Will all the free DLC star Jar-Jar Binks? I'm still waiting for Lucy to pull the football out from under Charlie Brown on this one, but either way, EA did a solid job of turning one of last year's biggest gaffes around to work in its favor.

I'll Believe It When I Play It Award: Anthem, BioWare
Everyone knew BioWare's new game was going to be at E3, but I don't think anyone expected it to look so good. The totally not-live demo showed your typical space marines jetpacking around a lush alien world (though their sluggish top speed made them look more flying squirrels than Iron Men) and engaging with alien lifeforms in the only way we know how: by blasting the crap out of them.**

Seeing Anthem really put Mass Effect Andromeda's woes in perspective. Who wants to keep working on a 10-year-old franchise when you've got a brand-new sci-fi series on fire in the next room over? I imagine that one by one Andromeda dev team members strolled past the Anthem crew, did a double-take at what they were working on, and then silently scooted their desks over when no one was looking.

All that said, Anthem needs more than a flashy reveal video to overcome Andromeda's stumbles, and the lack of a hands-on demo (or even live hands-off demo) relegates it to wait-and-see purgatory. The fact that everyone wants to see more, however, is a very good sign.

Best Dramatic Performance Award: Terry Crews In Crackdown 3 Trailer, Microsoft
Few thespians have ever exhibited the range and emotional depth that Sir Terry Crews brought to his moving portrayal of Commander Jaxon in Microsoft's Crackdown 3 trailer. From screaming to maniacal laughter to jumping off a building, Crews' subtle performance turned Commander Jaxon into a living, breathing human being right before our very eyes. I feel sorry for whoever is up against Crews in the Oscars this year, because his performance was one for the ages.

Could've Uploaded That To YouTube Award: Bethesda Press Conference, Bethesda
People gave Nintendo a lot of crap when it first started forgoing big live E3 press conferences for pre-recorded Nintendo Direct livestreams (philosophical side note: if something is pre-recorded can it really be livestreamed?). It must have been a brilliant idea, however, because practically all the other publishers followed suit this year. Sure, they still hired out giant auditoriums and had the occasional talking head on stage to grovel for applause – but most of the demos were just videos, with varying levels of bullshottery.

As such this was a crowded category, but I'm giving the award to Bethesda; not only did they wrap all their demos into a single over-produced video, they lacked any kind of announcement from Bethesda Game Studios proper – i.e., the one thing Bethesda fans were really hoping to see. All that adds up to one heck of a "I stayed up for this?!"

Not Holding My Breath Award: Cuphead, Studio MDHR
Let's be clear: Cuphead looks amazing, and I can't wait to play it – probably more than the industry's "game changers," who aren't even old enough to know what cartoons actually used to look like before Flash was invented. This award is purely to keep my expectations in check, because I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE ANOTHER DELAY!

Coming Up Next: See who wins the coveted Duby in the categories of Didn't See That Coming, World's Worst Dad, and much more!

*I blacked out during that press conference, but I assume that's what he was doing. (back to top)
**Seeing as how it's BioWare, I guess sexing is also an option. (back to top)