The lights are on
Nippon Ichi Software is about to release Disgaea
D2: A Brighter Darkness, and like a lot of JRPGs, the title doesn't make much
sense. However, if the developers want to compete with the best of the absurdly
named games out there for Disgaea 5, they need to put on their crazy caps and
start brainstorming. Luckily, I'm here to help.
Disgaea's titles aren't quite as bonkers as Square
Enix's Kingdom Hearts series, but Nippon Ichi has still come up with some quality head
scratchers like "Dark Hero Days" and "Absence of Detention." Fans love the series for its satire of JRPGs and have been anticipating Disgaea 5 for a while now, so the developer won't want to disappoint them with
a lame-o half-crazy title when it's finally time to announce the game. Here are
my suggestions, along with a boardroom pitch explaining the merits of each
Disgaea 5: Don't
Remember To ForgetThe Boardroom Pitch: Nippon Ichi loves using convoluted phrases in its titles. Why say "A Promise Remembered" when
you can say "A Promise Unforgotten"? "A Brighter Darkness" is even more
impressive – how can darkness be bright?! Disgaea 5: Don't Remember To Forget
has so many complex contradictions that it will stupefy fans into buying the
game – the Holy Grail of advertising in America.
Disgaea Returns: Absence
of a Happy MiseryThe Boardroom Pitch: At
the heart of any great JRPG title is a subtitle that sounds like it means
something, but falls apart if you actually think about it. It's a dangerous
game: You don't want a name that's so nonsensical that it draws attention to how dumb
it is. Absence of a Happy Misery flies just under the radar, sounding
like something a brooding JRPG character may reflect upon while staring at the
moon or a treasured heirloom.
Disgaea C3POThe Boardroom Pitch: The
latest Disgaea title was numbered D2, so it stands to reason that the next one
will be C3. If the executives at Nippon Ichi are really smart, they'll spring for a Star Wars
tie-in. The series' prissy robot would fit right into Disgaea's world, spitting
out worried disapproval over every over-the-top character and wacky turn of
event that happens to him. "Oh, my! What have you done?!"
Disgaea Eternity: 9,999
Ways To Say "I Love You Now DIE!!"The Boardroom Pitch: Forget
subtlety: Disgaea has made a name for itself with its goofball antics, so it's
time to embrace the insanity. This title doesn't just underscore Disgaea's manic
humor, it also references the signature leveling system, which contains
9,999 ranks. Also, it makes no sense! I'm telling you, this one's perfect.
Disgaea V: Peanut
Butter And FishThe Boardroom Pitch: Still
not satisfied, huh? Screw it. Disgaea V: Peanut Butter and Fish. Why? Why not? The series has an attack
called "Cat Umbrella Spin," for crying out loud. Is Peanut Butter and Fish
really that unreasonable?
Coming Up Next: More ridiculous Disgaea titles...
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