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Naming The Next Disgaea

Nippon Ichi Software is about to release Disgaea D2: A Brighter Darkness, and like a lot of JRPGs, the title doesn't make much sense. However, if the developers want to compete with the best of the absurdly named games out there for Disgaea 5, they need to put on their crazy caps and start brainstorming. Luckily, I'm here to help.

Disgaea's titles aren't quite as bonkers as Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts series, but Nippon Ichi has still come up with some quality head scratchers like "Dark Hero Days" and "Absence of Detention." Fans love the series for its satire of JRPGs and have been anticipating Disgaea 5 for a while now, so the developer won't want to disappoint them with a lame-o half-crazy title when it's finally time to announce the game. Here are my suggestions, along with a boardroom pitch explaining the merits of each name.

Disgaea 5: Don't Remember To Forget
The Boardroom Pitch: Nippon Ichi loves using convoluted phrases in its titles. Why say "A Promise Remembered" when you can say "A Promise Unforgotten"? "A Brighter Darkness" is even more impressive – how can darkness be bright?! Disgaea 5: Don't Remember To Forget has so many complex contradictions that it will stupefy fans into buying the game – the Holy Grail of advertising in America.

Disgaea Returns: Absence of a Happy Misery
The Boardroom Pitch: At the heart of any great JRPG title is a subtitle that sounds like it means something, but falls apart if you actually think about it. It's a dangerous game: You don't want a name that's so nonsensical that it draws attention to how dumb it is. Absence of a Happy Misery flies just under the radar, sounding like something a brooding JRPG character may reflect upon while staring at the moon or a treasured heirloom.

Disgaea C3PO
The Boardroom Pitch: The latest Disgaea title was numbered D2, so it stands to reason that the next one will be C3. If the executives at Nippon Ichi are really smart, they'll spring for a Star Wars tie-in. The series' prissy robot would fit right into Disgaea's world, spitting out worried disapproval over every over-the-top character and wacky turn of event that happens to him. "Oh, my! What have you done?!"

Disgaea Eternity: 9,999 Ways To Say "I Love You Now DIE!!"
The Boardroom Pitch: Forget subtlety: Disgaea has made a name for itself with its goofball antics, so it's time to embrace the insanity. This title doesn't just underscore Disgaea's manic humor, it also references the signature leveling system, which contains 9,999 ranks. Also, it makes no sense! I'm telling you, this one's perfect.

Disgaea V: Peanut Butter And Fish
The Boardroom Pitch: Still not satisfied, huh? Screw it. Disgaea V: Peanut Butter and Fish. Why? Why not? The series has an attack called "Cat Umbrella Spin," for crying out loud. Is Peanut Butter and Fish really that unreasonable?

Coming Up Next: More ridiculous Disgaea titles...

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