The lights are on
BioWare takes the extensive lore of its flagship sci-fi franchise
very seriously, expanding its fiction across various games and mediums.
recent departure of Mass Effect lead writer Drew Karpyshyn is disconcerting
for fans, as is the unrelated controversy surrounding the Mass Effect: Deception novel and its many
While we have no doubt that Mac Walters and BioWare's
talented writing staff will continue to do the series justice, we couldn't help
but ponder what Mass Effect 3 would look like if the developer decided to shoot
the moon and hire George Lucas to finish off the trilogy.
Casting CouchThe first thing George will do is make some pretty drastic
cast changes. For example, in the first two games Garrus was always portrayed
as a calm-headed and loyal companion, willing to fight for justice regardless of
whatever dangers may arise. In Mass Effect 3, Garrus' main attributes will now
be a new speech impediment and his penchant for accidentally stepping in piles
Legion, the geth robot introduced in Mass Effect 2, will now
be witty and British, and will always be accompanied by a robot companion (and
possible lover – the jury's still out) who beeps and buzzes at all the right comedic
Wrex will still basically be Wrex, but will speak with Yoda's
goofy speech syntax.
"Your face I will crush if cross me you do."
Diplomacy In ActionThe next thing George will want to change is the story. Forget
about Shepard trying to prevent the Reapers from destroying Earth and wiping
humanity from the galaxy. Mass Effect 3's new story will focus on the Reapers
threatening mankind with a galaxy-wide trade embargo, due to the discriminatory
hiring policies Cerberus employs under the leadership of the Illusive Man. It
will be Shepard's mission to oversee the ensuing diplomatic talks. If you're
lucky, you'll be able avoid the embargo and convince the council to repeal any
outstanding intergalactic tariffs and sanctions. Brace yourself for the excitement!
Love ConnectionIn the first Mass Effect, many players pursued a romantic
relationship between Shepard and Liara. In Mass Effect 3, George will reveal
that Shepard and Liara are in fact brother and sister – now you know why she
gave you the cold shoulder in ME 2.
If you manage to take enough space showers to wash away the
guilt and shame (expect a QTE-based puking/sobbing minigame), you'll be free to
pursue a new romantic partner. However, any and all love scenes in Mass Effect
3 will be limited to brief shots of closed-mouth kissing, followed by a slow
pan to Shepard's window drapes billowing in the breeze. If you're confused as
to why there's a breeze in space, you've already put more thought into it than
Face/OffConsidering the fact that Mass Effect 3 is the final
installment in the trilogy, many gamers are hopeful they will finally get a
glimpse of Tali's face. With George overseeing the sequel, Tali's unmasking
will reveal that she's the species of alien seen in E.T., a cameo that will be
too irresistible for him to pass up. Fans may pick up on the twist earlier in
the game, however, based on the fact that Tali will now sport a greatly
simplified vocabulary and glowing fingers.
"Well, that's one of my favorite childhood movies ruined forever."
Stay of ExecutionOne of the more intriguing aspects of Mass Effect is
BioWare's willingness to kill off main characters at various points in the
story, leaving players with the feeling that no one is ever truly safe. That's a
little dark for George, so in Mass Effect 3, players will find out that any of
the main characters that died under their watch didn't really die, but will instead
return with shiny new robot hands. In the event that some characters absolutely
can't be brought back from the dead, their spirits will hang around on the
Normandy as glowing blue auras, happily dancing along to whatever music EDI is
playing over the ship's PA system.
The Eternal ParagonAnother core aspect of Mass Effect is the ability to make Shepard
a good or evil character based on your choices. But how can an evil character
save humanity from destruction trade embargos? That's not exactly
kid-friendly, so from now on George will insist all Renegade moments be tweaked
so Shepard will always be clearly justified before doing something bad.
Decide to throw another random alien out of a skyscraper? Don't worry; he was
actually a terrorist with a bomb strapped to his back! You saved the day again!
"Don't worry, he totally shot first."
Up Next: More ridiculous changes...
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