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Succeeding In Ow, My Balls!
Succeeding in Ow, My Balls! has much less to do with performing in-game
tasks well, and much more to do with orchestrating humorous nutshots.
Sure, there's a full scoring system, an assortment of achievements, and
27 targets to hit, but that all plays second fiddle when a cartoon man's balls
are woefully un-racked.
While my achievement lust has been
well-documented lately on this site, a few arbitrary points mean nothing
to me when put up against hilarious nutshots (my priorities are in order). Therefore, this guide is
not about how to rack up the highest score, bur rather how to make your
nut-crushing adventure as humorous as possible.
After an unknown
assailant kicks you off the roof, it's your job to fart yourself towards
as many painful environmental objects as possible. I will name most of
them below, in order of Least Hilarious to Most Hilarious.
Least
Hilarious
Trash Can
Antenna
Sawhorse
Satellite
Dish
Bird (unless farted on, which puts them significantly closer to
Most Hilarious)
Car
Flagpole
Fire Hydrant
Power Lines
BBQ
Grill
Fence
Hot Dog Stand
Wrecking Ball
Blimp
Unicorn
Most
Hilarious
If you'd prefer to get the money shot out of
the way as soon as possible, I suggest starting things out with a light
ball kick. Done properly, this should direct your character's testicles
directly down onto a red car, humorously triggering its alarm.
Those
looking for more advanced nutshot maneuvers will need to hone their
farting abilities to direct your character towards beans and more
objects. Birds are frequent in the environment, and farting on birds is
funny. Because of this, I suggest using these as both a source of humor
and a method of propelling yourself towards more testicular pain. Even a
slight fart on a bird's head can be enough to inch you ever closer to
the next bean pickup. Once this is acquired, you'll have a new lease on
your farting life.
A crucial ally in your quest will be the BBQ
grills. As any physics professor or cartoon will teach you, farting on a lit grill
will cause it to emit a miniature mushroom cloud and propel you dozens
of feet into the air. This will be a key gameplay maneuver that you will
need to master if you wish to maximize the amount of nutshots per
attempt (also necessary for the "Roasted Nuts," "Roasted Nuts x5," and
"Roasted Nuts x10" achievements).
Your first several attempts in
Ow, My Balls! will likely land you far short of the wrecking ball at the
far right of the map. It is recommended that you practice until you're
able to consistently reach this, as it can propel you towards other
objects and beans. In addition, it is notably humorous to see a man be
struck in the testicles repeatedly by a wrecking ball. If you have
enough gas built up, you can even use your momentum from the wrecking
ball to reach the unicorn at the top of a nearby building. This is
especially recommended, as farting on a unicorn is a funny thing to do.
Advanced
users should be directed towards the "Record Effects" option on the
main menu. With this, you can record your own voice for use in-game. You
can make your character yell anything you'd choose during the initial
ball kick and up to three unique impacts. It is also possible to record
your fart effect, but the stock sound is certainly adequate. Only
venture into the "record fart" option if you have a particularly
impressive one on deck.
As
previously stated, striving for high scores or achievements should be
discouraged if you're a true nutshot connoisseur. However, there is one
invaluable reward for playing at the top of your game. The game features
22 unlockable videos, and all are predictably hilarious. Here's a taste
of what to expect:
Like Mass Effect, Heavy Rain, or the Fable series, your experience with this game is very much your own. Your decisions as you play have great consequences, and fully determine how entertaining your experience will be. One highlight of my experience was farting on a blimp, causing it to go into a fiery decline. While that moment struck a particular chord with me, others may find similar joy in racking themselves on a flagpole or crushing a picket fence with nothing more than the force of your descending testicles. Regardless of your approach, the game comes highly recommended for anyone who's ever laughed at that dude on America's Funniest Home Videos who totally nails himself in the balls with some nunchuks.