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The Inquisitive Blogger 19/31: Is Game Development an Animal's Business?

It's no secret that the game industry is one of instinct. . . animal instinct. Yes, at our hearts, we're all just animals waiting to burst out our shells, even game companies. So let us take a look at who's who when it comes to finding a company's true spirit animal in the wonderful zoo of pets we share our world with. Get ready for a bow-wow good safari of game developer folks and hang onto your PetSmart treats 'till the end. You'll need 'em. 

Activision/Infinity Ward [Call of Duty]: Parrots

Why?: Your first glance told you that parrots were cool, hip, exotic, and a rare pet you thought nobody else in your block had and playing with one would never get old. The first time you sat down and taught it something to say back to you, you were knocked out of your seat with awe. It's only after that that you realized that "FPS" and "licensed properties"  were the only thing two things they could say. It's still remarkably cool that each time they demonstrate their voice chat to you, but it's progressively less cool every time you hear every long night again and again.

Square Enix [Final Fantasy Series, Game Publishment]: A Squirrel


Why?: At first it would seem that it doesn't get anything done with the guaranteed next-gen classic that it still has in a hidey hole waiting to be finished, but it's more of a matter of hyperactive indecision. Its so constantly publishing Hitmans and Tomb Raiders left and right that it seems like its trying to do everything at once while forgetting about what it was trying to do in the first place. Let's see, first that request about FF VII remake, no, wait--I have to finish that X/X-2 remake first, ah, now I have to sort out that FF XIV mess downstairs. . . Arrgghh! And I still have to organize all of those nuts next to. . . (*yawn*) hibernation time. Oh well, see you next E3. 

EA [Need for Speed, Battlefield, Sports Games, The Sims]: Race Horse


Why?: It's undeniable that it's a high-class breed with great talent behind it, but it's so expensive that it hardly seems like a pet so much as a money hole. Its vet bills in the form of on-line passes and DLC take their toll on your wallet and the amount of time you spend with it competing against other players makes you reconsider how much of a pal it is.The only time you spend with it is in sports events or competing against screaming rivals on-line and some people are still mad as heck about how you finished with it. Still, it does get you some great social time with the ladies at the finish-line, so it's not all bad. The alternate ending you told about it probably didn't matter that much.

Ubisoft [Assassin's Creed, Farcry, Prince of Persia, Splinter Cell]: Mountain Goat


Why?: The company's a sturdy, dependable breed albeit it with just a few hygene issues. Though it has plenty of games to milk, plenty of them are just a bit chalky tasting in parts and it'll eat up nearly any game to a fault just to churn out another franchise. You'll find it in the most beautiful, open expanses in the world but it smells funny every time you bring it to a conference. You know it has to love you behind its cranky noises and odors, alas, when your bring Mr. Caffeine into picture, the gassy consequences are not pretty. Maybe it's a great company underneath, but it has strange ways of showing it with that smirk it gives you before a head-butt.  

Quantic Dream [Heavy Rain, Beyond Two Souls]: Exotic Fish


Why?: It's an outrageously expensive pet and people would say that it's a perfect, "cultured" pet for the intellectual. Nevertheless, your experience with it mostly amounts to watching the brilliant fishy colors swim around as you tap the glass on its tank and make them move occasionally in the direction you want them to go. You can decorate the aquarium with awesome voice-talent and graphics, but at the end of the day, you won't do anything more than look at it and want something you can cuddle with. You fish can, however, make about a million different facial expressions while your friend's cat only seems to make one. That's cool, right? 

Sega [Sonic the Hedgehog Series]: Hamster


Why?: It used to be the fastest thing alive, and it is. . . on the wheel called the past. Every time it seems to betting somewhere, it remembers that it's still stuck in this thing also called a redundancy and it can't ever seem to stay steady on its feet without falling off into floor glitches. You want to just take it out of its container and play with it at your friend reboot's house, but you're afraid that it might just escape on you and you'd never find it again. In the end, it's like the work that's put into keeping it alive is a lot less than the fun you remember about it as a little tike, but you still feel an obligation to love it anyway. Maybe those whiskers would look better on a Wii U screen. . .  

Valve [Half-Life, Portal, Team Fortress]: Tard the Grumpy Cat 


Why?: It's a creature that everybody seems to have an inherent love for despite the fact that it pouts about everything around it, even if comically. Can I haz Half-Life 3? No. Can I have more Team Fortre--No. So where's that next Portal ga--NO. Hey, Consoles just died yesterday! Good. Nevertheless, there's a certain charm and humor in every one of its games that still makes you laugh every time you play with it. No matter what it's face seems to tell you, it loves you deep down and that's what counts. That, and there's an unmistakable resemblance to Gabe Newell before he's had his coffee in the morning.

Kojima Industries [Metal Gear Solid]: Chameleon


Why?: Hideo Kojima only seems to have it make something every 4-5 yrs. and in between that time, it just. . . disappears. You just seem to lose sight of it any other time in the decade with its almost obsessively stealth demeanor and any time it does come out of the tree-branches, it always does something. . . weird.  You hardly get why it changes its colors for almost no reason, but you just go with it, because that's just how it is. Sure it has a different voice, and sure it has a funky sense of story-telling, but that's exactly what makes you fascinated about watching it crawl around in odd environments in real-time. You still haven't seen how its tongue-physics look yet, but that's to come with the next-conference. . . if it admits the info. . .

Thatgamecompany [Journey, Flower]: Guinea Pig 


Why?: Some other pets are high-maintenace and all it requires of you is to simply look at its addictive sweetness. It doesn't run, or jump, or really do tricks at all, but just holding it close to you puts you in a calm, loving state that you're addicted to. It's nothing but a sweet fluff of cuteness and you play with it again and again just to revisit something simple and heart-warming.

Microsoft: [Cash] Cow 


Why?: The animal is clearly a vital staple of the industry, but all the same, work seems to be more involved than pleasure. It's probably not without its cute titles, but those never lasted that long before it grew into a mammoth born for milking Halos and service fees from. You really just don't like that look it give you when you come close to it to ask about spyware or PR decisions and if it's any indication, it's old farmer just jumped ship for that Ant-Farm. You might get your money's worth if you need achievement farming, but watch out when it kicks you in the groin with a nasty hoof-kick to your family policy changes. 

Rockstar [Grand Theft Auto, Red Dead Redemption, Bully]: Raccoon

Why?: This critter has an unhealthy obsession with crime if the amount of knocked over dumpsters and time in the grimy, gritty back-alleys have shown you. Technically its too feral for you to bring in the house to show your parents. It doesn't care about offending your tastes; it's its own boss and bites you if its feels like it. Its encounters with you have pretty much just revolved around theft and mini-arson, but why are you still allured to it anyway? Is it just the thrill of being naughty that attracts you? Whatever the case, you're gonna spend a ton of time looking at it in the great outdoors of its massive open-worlds maybe more than you will for next-gen. 

Up Next: Volition, Nintendo, Naughty Dog, and more! 

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