Dear little poopsicle,

I was having a very enjoyable time fake shooting people on the internet the other day in COD: MW2, but then you started talking. At first I thought you were a whiny girl. That was, until you started laughing whenever you said words like poopy, anus, or butthead. Yes, I realize that I did not veto the map when you were whining at everyone to vote against it. What I don't understand, however, is your logic. I fail to see the connection between my lack of vetoing and my weight. I'll have you know that I am by no means a 'fatty'. In fact, I take very good care of myself. I'm like a modern day Achilles, minus the whole, weak ankle thing or whatever. I tried to convey this information to you in a civil manner but you kept interrupting to ask if I "liked it up the butt". Now, I don't know what 'it' is but I would like to assure you that I would not appreciate anything all up in my butt's grill. The way you pursued this topic relentlessly makes me think poorly of your education. If I had to guess, I would say that your intelligence is woefully underdeveloped. Much around the same level as this woman:


Anyways, I then proceeded to murder you several times in-game and you then started asking me if I was a homo. I mistakenly assumed this was some kind of new fangled word for homo sapien. I was dreadfully wrong, when you informed me that you meant you thought I was a 'homosexual'. Suddenly, many of the references you made before were blisteringly clear. Now, I tried to assure you that I was not, but you kept insisting. I will take this opportunity to say again, "I like women." (Especially lady gamers)

So I would just like to tell you that you, not I, are the poopy-faced butt-head.