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We compiled a list of the stupidest
video game titles of all time a few years ago, but that doesn't mean
developers have magically stopped coming up with terrible names to afflict
their games with. Here are the best of the worst for 2014.
Ar Nosurge: Ode to an Unborn StarThere's really only one place to start a list of dumb video
game titles, and that's Japan. Gust's latest offering perfectly illustrates the
two central tenets of eccentric Japanese video game titles: made-up words that
you can play the entire game without figuring out what the heck they mean, and nonsensical
subtitles that sound intellectual, but fall apart if you think about them for
more than two seconds. First of all, if a game has "Ar" in the name, I better
be playing as a pirate. Also, I'm not sure what an ode to an unborn star would
sound like, but I'm guessing it's even lamer than most poems.
Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk SkyHow many nonsensical titles can one developer come up with
in a year? In addition to Ar Nosurge, Gust released not one but two Atelier
games in 2014: Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky and Atelier
Rorona Plus: The Alchemist of Arland. Kim, our resident JRPG expert, tells me that Atelier is a French word that means workshop. Turns out English also has a word that means workshop – it's workshop. Hey Gust: It's okay to translate your games directly into English next time; save the French for the PAL version. Throw in a couple of ridiculous character names and you have the perfect recipe for feeling like an idiot when you ask the clerk at your local video
game store for one of these games.
Bravely DefaultGiving your title a deeper meaning can be tricky, and Square
Enix flew a little too close to the sun with this one. The title refers to the
game's Brave/Default system, which allows you to perform powerful multi-hit attacks
by borrowing actions from subsequent turns ("Brave") or saving them up in
advance ("Default"). Without that knowledge, however, Bravely Default just sounds
like the most boring game ever – as if doing the most basic, expected thing is
somehow courageous. Actually, that's the perfect title for a JRPG...
Fencer FApparently at some point JRPG fans must just stop asking
questions that they assume will have stupid answers – like what the deal is
with the "F" at the end of Fairy Fencer F. I'm guessing Compile Heart was trying
to go for a triple alliteration, but just ran out of ideas for the third word
and said screw it. One thing is for sure, though: If I'm not stabbing fairies with
an epee in this game, I'm going to be sorely disappointed.
Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1Okay, I've tolerated a lot of stupid
JRPG titles in the past, but Idea Factory has finally gone too far. I'm willing
to assume that Hyperdimension Neptunia is just the name of the planet that's
overrun by oversexualized anime girls. I'm also willing to give Idea Factory the
benefit of the doubt for why there's no space in "Birth1" – maybe someone's
spacebar was just broken; it happens. What I can't accept is the semicolon breaking
up "Re;Birth." Seriously, a semicolon?! It's time to shut the factory down,
boys, because you're clearly out of ideas.
Coming Up Next: We go
from the absurd to the confusing with a handful of ambiguous and misleading
Email the author Jeff Marchiafava, or follow on Google+, Twitter, and Game Informer.