The lights are on
There's a war being waged on Christmas, and I'm not talking
about the one that political pundits are always blabbing about – this one
is real, and some of our favorite video game characters are behind it. Don't
believe me? Check out this incontrovertible evidence.
Exhibit A: Mario Beheaded Frosty The SnowmanAnd we thought Frosty had it bad when Professor Hinkle
locked him in that greenhouse. Turns out that was only the prelude to Mario
decapitating him and sticking his head on some kind of creepy shrine.
Unfortunately, Frosty is only the first casualty of the war on Christmas.
Exhibit B: Minecraft Steve Burned Down All The Christmas
TreesWe don't know who this jerk Steve is and we're pretty sure
we didn't invite him into our world, but the first thing he did when he got
inside was burn down all of our trees. Looks like we'll have to put our
presents under that dumb floor plant we always forget to water.
Exhibit C: Nathan Drake Ate All The Christmas CookiesHe also ate the Christmas ham, Christmas goose, Christmas pies, and everything else
he could get his hands on. However, you've got to give Drake props; despite the
added weight, he's still incredibly agile.
Exhibit D: The 3rd Street Saints Stole Our Christmas
StockingsThe Saints are loaded, but that didn't stop them from going
around and stealing everybody's stockings. Aren't the Saints supposed to be the
good guys? If you can't trust violent gang members nowadays, who can you trust?
Exhibit E: Skyrim's Dragonborn Stole Everyone's PresentsApparently greed is one of the prerequisites for being a
Dragonborn, because this jerk has selfishly hoarded every cool present you
could ever hope to get on Christmas. If there's any justice in the world,
Minecraft Steve will show up and burn his house down.
Coming Up Next: The war on Christmas turns tragic...
Email the author Jeff Marchiafava, or follow on Google+, Twitter, and Game Informer.