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Top 10 Family Businesses

Sometimes the tasks of heroes and villains stretch beyond one person. Sometimes a task takes more than a single lifetime to complete. Sometimes you have to pass your business obligations onto your children, and they have to pass those obligations onto their children. Like a family-owned sushi restaurant or a local hardware store, these are the top businesses that stay in the family.

10. Driving heavily armed versions of vehicles that typically aren't heavily armed (Twisted Metal)
Sweet Tooth drives an ice cream truck, and his father drove a taxi cab. In Twisted Metal Black, Sweet Tooth had a brother who drove a cab. All of these vehicles are heavily armored and capable of impressive firepower. I don’t know how the family makes money though. Sweet Tooth certainly isn’t selling ice cream, and neither his father or brother are picking up fares.

9. Drilling (Drill Dozer)
In Drill Dozer, you are part of a bandit gang named The Red Dozers. They are in the business of drilling stuff and stealing diamonds. When Jill’s father, Doug, the leader of The Red Dozers, gets beaten up by a rival gang, Jill takes it upon herself to pick up where her father left off while he is healing.

8. Fighting Andross (Star Fox)
If movies like The Green Lantern have taught us any important life lessons, it’s that if your father is a pilot, you'll be a pilot too. Fox McCloud is no exception. Not only did he follow in his father James McCloud’s footsteps, but he took over his mercenary group Team Star Fox after he disappeared into a black hole – or was captured by Andross, depending on what you consider canon.

While we’re talking about Fox and his pals, I wanted to pose this question: did James name his son Fox? Isn’t that kind of like naming your own son Human?

7. Collecting bananas (Donkey Kong Country)
Donkey Kong and his son once made their living stealing girlfriends from Mario, but they quickly learned that it was a fruitless endeavor. Now they and all of their family members work together to collect bananas, a much more fruitful business. Oddly, none of the Kongs seem to have parents. There are sisters, uncles, and cousins, but no children or parents among them. Something weird is going on over in Donkey Kong Country.

6. Taking on the God King (Infinity Blade)
When you decide to take on something known as the God King, you have to assume it’s going to take a while. Maybe even a few lifetimes – and that’s if you're patient. The heroes of Infinity Blade pass along their experience and equipment to their offspring so they can each throw themselves at the God King and hope for the best. At a certain point you should really just cut your losses and move on.

5. Stealing (Sly Cooper)
The Coopers have been stealing for centuries, and are among the few on this list who actually pursue it like a business. The Coopers have squirreled away enough wealth from their successful heists to make Sly a spoiled, inheritance-squandering brat, but he loves stealing too much. It’s in his blood.

4. Fighting plumbers (Super Mario)
Bowser has a handful of children, but only one who gets to be called Bowser Junior. The others have boring names like Larry and Roy. It’s not very surprising that they don’t show up often to help out their father with the family business. They're probably too busy talking to a Koopa Psychiatrist about how their father doesn’t hide his favoritism.

3. Destroying or utilizing nuclear bipedal robots (Metal Gear)
Something about bipedal tanks with nuclear capabilities really appeals to the Snake family. Whether they’re using them to cause global turmoil or trying to stop them, they just can’t get away from them. One of the Snakes tried to retire to Alaska and live in the wilderness, but he just got pulled back in. If it’s a giant robot with legs and a nuclear weapon, you can bet there will be a Snake nearby. They might be hiding, so you may have to look really hard.

2. Killing Templars (Assassin's Creed)
The Assassins have been fighting The Templars for as long as time can remember. From our own firsthand experiences, we have seen as far back as the Third Crusade, leading up to modern day. Killing Templars is a family tradition, and it doesn’t look like it will be dying off anytime soon.

1. Killing Dracula (Castlevania)
The Belmonts just can’t get over Dracula and his penchant for evil. You would think after a couple hundred years, they would give up and move onto whip manufacturing. Clearly they are not doing it right, because the man keeps popping up every couple of full moons to make the world go crazy with his wacky castle. Someday, one of the Belmonts will get the job done, and then they can finally kill some other unkillable entity.

Did I leave any businesses out? Let me know in the comments.

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