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Spoilers For Stupid People

No matter how trivial a piece of information for an upcoming game is, there's always a gamer out there who will complain that it's a spoiler. It's annoying, and while we could try resolve the problem by devising a list of criteria that defines what a legitimate spoiler is, we figured it would be more worthwhile to mock these crybabies with a list of humorously obvious spoilers instead. Warning: Don't read this if you are stupid.

Halo: Reach
Spoiler: Halo: Reach will end with the fall of the planet Reach.

We begin this feature with the biggest spoiler of them all - the ending to Bungie's last Halo game. Halo: Reach is going to end with the planet Reach being destroyed by the alien Covenant. It's as big of a shocker as Snape killing Dumbledore, and we're just getting started. We have it on good authority that Master Chief will escape the destruction of Reach. Pretty juicy info, huh? 

Mass Effect 3
Spoiler: The third installment of BioWare's sci-fi RPG will have aliens in it.

Mass Effect 2's final sequence depends largely on the choices you made while playing the game, so it would be hard to spoil all of the ending permutations that are possible. Instead, we'll blow an even bigger fact about Mass Effect 3: it's got aliens. Big aliens with little beady eyes; little aliens with big oval-shaped eyes; at least one humanoid species that you can have sex with - the sequel is going to have so many aliens that you'd think it was set in space or something.

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