I'm proud of my writing. Some of it sucks, but most of it is acceptable. Still working on getting it to "good." That's another story. However, even the laziest blog written on my worst day does not compare to the story I'm about to republish for you. Seriously, the aforementioned short story is one of the most atrocious pieces of writing I've ever made. It's hilariously terrible.

A bit of backstory:

One of my friends is an editor for a small-time literary magazine. They publish reader-submitted short stories. The problem is that they don't get enough submissions. As soon as I heard that, I immediately challenged my roommate Abraham to a contest. We would each write the worst short story we could. We would then submit it to the literary magazine. The winner was the person who got the worst story published in the magazine.

The stories had to follow two additional rules. Each story had to feature the other writer as the protagonist. The main character of my story was my roommate, and his main character was me. Both stories also had to feature a mutual friend, Kevin. This is why he is a predominant part of my plot.

Picture unrelated.

Our stories were very, very bad. He wrote about a romance about a lonely clown (named after me) who finds love. Have you ever read a clown romance where one of the characters speaks in nothing but puns? No? There's a reason for that. They make terrible stories.

I wrote a space opera starring Abe as a voluptuous Amazonian warrior princess named "Baberaham." If that doesn't make you cringe, the rest of the story will.

My story "Baberaham's Battles IV: The Next Baberation" has been reproduced here for your reading pleasure. It's on the next page. Just click that "2" link at the bottom of this blog. Here's a teaser for what's ahead:

It is said that only few men have the courage to do what is right, even when the Darkness approaches. It's a good thing then that Baberaham Schnake wasn't a man!

"Forward into battle!" Baberaham (Babe for short) shouted. "Tonight we will feast on ramen dipped in the blood of our foes!"

Her troops gave a roar and charged forward. The air was thick and squishy with lasers and shouting. The Galactic Federation of Unified Resistance Forces For Freedom and Justice soldiers were armed only with slingshots and crossbows. Their enemies, the Dark Evil Empire of Tyranny (the Darkness for short), were armed with high-tech laser cannons. In any other battle, the GFOURFFFAJ troops would have been annihilated...

...any battle, that is, without Baberaham Schnake!

Read on, if you dare.