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You know, if there's one thing I don't like, it's wasting time. There's
already so many ways for me to screw up my schedule; why not save me the few
extra minutes? That time I wasted could have been a bathroom break, you jerk!
Anyhoo, as such, I'm baring all in this bio. It's amazing how much you'll learn
to not be ashamed of certain things in your life when you realize how
unimportant they really are, and the only way to realize they're unimportant is
to not place any importance on them. This is a brief summary of me as a person,
but not me as an individual; I'm much more than the random pile of crap that
life dumped on me. If you want to know about that Nick, read this, message me,
and learn for yourself.
My abusive father killed himself in the beginning of 2012. My mother was also
abusive (that's fun), though she had already lost custody of me when I was
eight. I've been living on my own since then, cutting off ties to all relatives
on both sides of a seriously heinous family tree.
I have Cystic Fibrosis. Spoiler alert for those who know nothing about CF:
it's a genetic terminal illness. Awful, right? But wait, there's more! I also
have PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic
disorder, and Type II Bipolar disorder.
At this point I assume you're wondering whether I've actually copy and
pasted the plot of a "Lifetime" television movie to come up with this
bio, but sadly, that's not the case. It's too bad though, right? I mean, can
you imagine what a hit that would be with people who like garbage? Ah, well.
Now we can move on to the good stuff.
I currently write for three publications, only one being focused on video
games. I got my start when I was 16 and still remain on staff on that
publication, though I plan to leave after reaching my three-year anniversary
with it for career reasons. I have well over 120 published articles in my
How much do I make from my jobs, you ask? The aforementioned publication
pays me $10 an article (Guess who's never had to file taxes? THIS guy!), one
pays me nothing, and the other doesn't offer pay but does offer press release
copies of games. That might sound terrible, but I have years of experience, which
is good for someone who's 18. I also have a great portfolio and recommendations.
Remember kids, you have to start small. (On a side note, make sure you refer to
everyone else as "kids," even if you're only 13; it TOTALLY doesn't
make you look like a pretentious ass, and people will think you're extremely
likeable and not condescending in the least! Trust me.)
That pretty much covers my personal history. There's more to it, obviously, but
why bore with the details? Details are saved for people I consider friends. And
if this is what I'm willing to share with the public, think of how much more
depressing those are! What an incentive! How am I still single and friendless? It’s
Oh, also, I'm gay. I tried super hard to casually fit that in somewhere
to avoid devoting an entire section of my bio to three sentences about my sexuality
(which is unimportant but still a part of who I am), but I couldn't. So I guess
I'll have this nice, awkward closing paragraph instead.