GameInformer

I have numerous technical issues with this website, and although I'm sure they are nice people in real life, the people in charge of making it work are not doing their jobs correctly. I posted about it in the forums, and my thread was subsequently locked. How's that for free speech? Oh, also, I did a review once! It's really long winded!

Update: Apparently I'm "Level 8." Based on my extensive knowledge of number theory, I can only assume that this is a single level above "7" and one below "9," although I can't be sure there aren't fractional levels.

Another update: I've gone up another level since then, although I can't really say I did anything to deserve it.

Doomsday predictions: Halo 4's gonna suck, but Microsoft will make mad dosh off it so five more equally shit sequels will be made (not counting spin-offs.) People will get sick of it around the fifth, but Microsoft won't notice. Nintendo has blown their chance to come back, and the casual public got tired of their "wee machine" about halfway through the generation, so I give them about four years before they go bankrupt and find themselves alongside Rare visualizing the future of Xbox Avatars™. Eventually, entire games will be composed of day-one on-disc DLC. Handhelds will be killed by the iPad. Gabe Newell will die before Half-Life 3 is released. Nuclear war will eliminate video games as an industry, leaving only indie developers banging out code on salvaged netbooks. This will of course lead to a cultural and physical rediscovery of the 1983 classic E.T.: The Extraterrestrial, which will gain a cult following as one of the few games left from before the fire.

Also, let it be known that however much I might rightfully accuse Game Informer and the GI staff of being corporate shills of EA, Activision, Sony, Microsoft, et al., I do love their magazine and their stories, and occasionally even trust their opinions on games, bought as they may be.