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Judged purely from a filmmaking standpoint, Silent Hill is probably the best videogame movie adaptation ever made. And yet it's still not a great movie, only a good movie.
You know what's fun? Following an Uwe Boll movie with Doom, and then following Doom with another Uwe Boll movie. I hope you all appreciate the brain cells I've sacrificed to bring you this!I'm not sure what to say about BloodRayne that I didn't already say about Alone In The Dark. Boll has this strange talent for making action scenes seem really dull. They're not edited tightly enough, and always go on too long. And he fills his movies to the brim with them, because he loves action scenes.
Doom is a pretty decent mindless action flick for the first two thirds of the film, but when they reveal the "twist" in the third act it takes a sharp turn into stupid.Admittedly, the Doom games don't give you much plot to work with. Someone opens a portal to hell, resulting in soldier(s) have to fight through endless demons. Works well enough for a game, but there's not enough there for a story without inventing some characters to talk to each other, and developing some sort of arc and climax. The difficulty in adapting the story while trying to remain 100% faithful to the game is likely what led the two writers who tasked with writing the Doom comic to fill sixteen pages with crazed ranting in the style of The Tick's Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight.For the movie Doom's the writers' solution was to go with the stock action/horror plot of "a group of soldiers get whittled down to just a few survivors." They then took two elements from Doom 3 -- demons from hell and zombified scientists -- and combined them into one: zombified scientists who transform into demons.
A pattern begins to emerge. Paul WS Anderson directs several movies based on videogames, Uwe Boll pursues directing videogame movies. Anderson directs a zombie movie loosely based on Resident Evil, Boll directs a zombie movie loosely based on House Of The Dead. Anderson directs a movie with xenomorphs called AVP: Alien Vs. Predator, Boll decides to put xenomorphs in Alone In The Dark.
According to the poster, Resident Evil: Apocalypse is a movie about a woman wandering a graveyard in a bath towel, who has a photographic memory. I hope no one was disappointed.
I had never seen an Uwe Boll (pronounced "oo-vah Buhl") movie before this. I remember wondering, maybe his movies wouldn't be as bad as I'd heard?
Jan de Bont is best known for directing Speed and Twister, though he also directed Speed 2: Cruise Control and The Haunting. After Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle Of Life, he hasn't directed another film in a ten year period, and I'm not sure whether it's a coincidence. Angelina Jolie declined doing a third movie after this one. It's one of the most comically absurd action movies I have ever had the "pleasure" of watching.
Pokémon Heroes was the fifth and final theatrically-released Pokémon movie, and thus the last one on this list. While not as bad as the first three, it's an extremely forgettable movie. It's a good thing I jotted down some notes immediately after watching it, because I did actually later forget completely what it was about. Ash & Co. travel to a city loosely inspired by Venice, Italy. Once upon a time in this city, there was an evil Pokémon trainer trained his Pokémon to attack humans, for the lulz. Then a guardian Pokémon entered the city and defeated them, but died in the process. However, before he died he managed to create a defensive weapon for the city that would be powered by his soul in crystal form -- because he was planning ahead -- which is protected by his two younger Pokémon children. Meanwhile, the two evil Pokémon have been fossilized and put on display in the same building as the weapon.
Like Wing Commander, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within was directed by its series creator, and like Wing Commander, the result is disappointing. But where the two differ is that The Spirits Within isn't terrible. The script, by screenwriters Al Reinert (Apollo 13) and Jeff Vintar (I, Robot) -- in collaboration with Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi -- perfectly inhabits that space right in between "good" and "bad," where movies are instead just mind-numbingly dull.
Directed by Simon West (Con Air, The Expendables 2), Lara Croft: Tomb Raider features Angelina Jolie speaking in a British accent and future Bond star Daniel Craig speaking in an American accent.