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The group for lovers of Fanfiction. Write and Discuss all of the GIO members Fanfiction here. Original Works from GIO members!

Fighting Fate Itself

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  • So this is my new Star Wars Fanfic, Fighting Fate Itself, that I just posted in the blog section.

    This is kind of an example. What I would like, is for anytime someone writes a story, a forum post be created, with a link to the story, so that it can be further discussed. It's just a way for everyone to see it and then be able to comment and discuss, outside of traditional comment systems, since those are rarely checked after a while.

    Okay, so let discussion begin...

    (I don't care if every, or any post, has a poll. It was a test for me.)

    Do you like the first chapter?

    • Yes (100%)
    • No (0%)
    • Total Votes: 2

    Creator of The GIO Fanfiction Group!

  • My only criticism is this:

     

     

     

     

    You do a good job with sentence structure, but I feel like you use too many simple sentences(not sure if you're grammar savvy, but that means one subject, one predicate). I think you would do good to combine other sentences a LOT more, but from when you showed me the story the first time you improved a LOT, so I'll give you props for that.

     

    Also, in the beginning you say that Solus has no real friends in the Order, but then you say that he trusts Aeron and Solari. I don't think that exactly lines up. I think you might have meant to say that he doesn't trust any of his fellow students, but you said that he didn't have any friends in the order. Maybe I'm just nitpicking...

     

    Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed it. :) I hope you work on this more.



  • Thanks. I'm gonna have to go back and look at that. Adjust it a little. I plan on keeping it up, and the next chapter introduces his Master.

    Creator of The GIO Fanfiction Group!

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