Nothing but a Screaming Headache - User Reviews - www.GameInformer.com
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Nothing but a Screaming Headache

This is an abomination. Avoid like the plague. All the fun of an intense migraine, which is exactly what I am suffering after several hours getting nowhere. Launches "trial and error" gameplay into the stratosphere like never before. Planning, preparation, strategy, tactics, and skill do *not* apply. Controls are gimped. Game constantly blindsides you and even out right cheats. Absolutely **ZERO** enjoyment factor to be had. Slow, plodding, lots of waiting around in dark corners for nothing to happen, only to go out on a limb and get screwed by something you never saw coming. It amazes me the limitless number of ways in which this shite seems programmed to screw players over and disrupt every best laid plan. Resorting to "*** all let's see if it works" is your only option. The chances of whatever working are exceedingly thin. You stand a better chance of breaking Vegas or Monte Carlo. Story is secondary and trite. Dull. Boring. Asinine. Characters are obnoxious. Dialog is bland. Graphics are sub-par and mostly black. Even the bloody text is too small and can't be read from more than three feet away. Cookie-cutter environments look like one trashy gutter after the next. No aesthetic or art direction. Level design is poor and confusing, uninspired and *far* too limiting. Animations are choppy and spastic. Virtual camera is a wreck. At least you can pan it 360 without leaving cover like other games. Sound effects are obnoxious and sound ques are imprecise and misleading. Music is repetitive and obstructive. It's like this abomination dragged itself out of the dark ages of gaming on the NES. Easily compared to something the AVGN would make a web video about (Dragon's Lair/Dark Castle etc). I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. For as good a time, roll eight 20 sided dice. When they all land on 7, you win. As painful to play as banging ones head against an uninsulated steam pipe. Zero thought or consideration went into production. This thing is a mess. I am officially instating my "NO Ubisoft" policy and canceling my preorder of AssCreedIV out of sheer fear of suffering more $60 torture. Sloppy, trashy, broken, garbage. An excruciatingly bad time.

Comments
  • The sad thing is that I know the person who wrote this review and it's ironic that someone who has so many secrets about their own sexual fetishes is willing to wear their emotions on their sleeve when it comes to reviewing this game. Personally, I could care less if the guy is into My Little Pony plushies-- but still, it brings a lot into question.
  • I think you may have overreacted a bit. And this game is far, far, far, far from as bad as you say it is.
  • are you serious?
  • Wow. I haven't seen someone this full of *** in a long time. I don't have two hours to go line by line through all his/her ***, but any of you with half a brain and a functional pair of eyes can learn all you need to know about his/her credibility by reading these two lines, "Graphics are subpar" & "no aesthetic or art direction", and then checking out ANY video of this game you can find. He/she even goes on to use the "text too small" line, so it wouldn't surpise me at all if this twit isn't even playing on an HD television and/or has no harddrive to install the HD graphics pack. Honestly, the pack wouldn't even matter because even without the pack the graphics are better than most. With it, they are outstanding. "Resorting to "*** all let's see if it works", is your only option, huh? Maybe if you had a clue as to how a sticky cam, tri-rotor, sonar goggles, or EMP worked you wouldn't get your ass handed to you. If you're friends with this "Gimmick" person, I feel sorry for you because you no doubt have to listen to endless whining and complaining about things that have no basis in reality. Do yourselves a favor and take the exact opposite meaning from whatever this moron says.
  • You mention "flawed logic" a couple times and throw around the words "asinine" and "trite" in an attempt to elevate yourself above others as well as your intellectual image. But however expansive your vernacular; it's irrelevant when you use it insultingly, arrogantly, condescendingly, and ignorantly. I'm in no way saying you're not entitled to your opinion because you are, despite how incredibly moronic and blind it is. What I am saying is you have no place reviewing games when you CLEARLY lack any semblance of objectivity. You said it yourself in a couple of your responses "I'm thinking Blacklist will appeal to Stealth Game fans". Just because you don't enjoy a game and its style of play does absolutely *** not mean its a shite game. I despise EVE, WoW, GTA(1-4), Gears of War, Warhammer, and many other games whereas millions of other people adore them. I don't think or say that they are shite, I say I don't enjoy them and there is a MASSIVE difference. The key to reviewing is objectivity and recognizing the merits of a game even when you don't particularly enjoy it... It's what GI is all about and what IGN used to be about. You use the fact that a game displeases you or frustrates you to color your entire image of it when you need to look at everything individually. The graphics, story, characters, dialog, art, level design, animations, etc. are in no way "bland", "trite", or "asinine" as you so put. The fact of the matter is you are the one throwing a tantrum because you suck at the "niche" stealth genre. The reason the only "stealth" games you've enjoyed are the Arkham games is because the Arkham games are DISGUSTINGLY easy in every aspect. They are incredible, phenomenal, fantastic, and every compliment under the rainbow games with rock solid(or steady :D) controls/mechanics, characters, story, art, environments and atmosphere, and mother *** BATMAN... but they are 2 of the very easiest games in existence after only a few hours of practice tops and the shallowest learning curves in a while. You said "If this little freak had offered up some *intelligent* counterpoints I would have addressed them respectfully" but I seriously doubt you are capable of uttering anything anywhere near respectful. But hey, maybe you'll prove me wrong. Most likely not though... you seem the epitome of internet troll what with the caustic and ignorant opinions you have and statements you make.
  • You want to talk about a shite game let's talk about the Tomb Raider reboot. "I am starving and weak so I must hunt, kill, and consume this deer... BOY was that fun... Now let's completely throw out a potentially amazing survival mechanic (and... you know? *** it let's completely ditch the idea of survival mechanics altogether!) and never be required or even remotely inclined to hunt another animal or survive anything more than gunfire, wolves, and falling again!" "Oh me oh my, looks as if I'll have to murder someone to stay alive" *murders someone* "Oh that was horrible! What have I done?! I may be sick!" *minutes later* "BANG headshot. OOOooo I stabbed that guy in the throat with an arrow. HEY! I threw dirt in his face and *** brained him with my climbing pick and I've yet to show another guilty or troubled emotion about it!" "Hey. My friends are gone. OH lookie loo, there they are. *** another one died. Was it the Asian one? No? Super! Now she and I can be conveniently used and placed throughout the rest of the game for this bland and sub-par mysticism and magic story arc with one of the most cliched villains in a Tomb Raider game to date, which is saying A LOT!" Tomb Raider was a gorgeous, generally well acted, and functional platform shooter with atrocious story, characters and character development, pacing, and missed or squandered opportunities.