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Zombiiiieeeess!!

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  • Well, for English, I wrote a zombie story. Just a what do you think thread.

     

    Domingo entered the room. Dark. He took out his flashlight and flipped it on. He was all by himself. He was starting to get a horrible feeling in his gut. What had happened to all these people?

    Domingo Ortega had been sent by the Marines to investigate something odd that has occurred the night before. There was an island in the middle of Raccoon Lake, a lake isolated by the rockies. On that island was a small town called Millerton, a mining town. Mostly isolated from the main world, was an incredibly low crime rate. So, when a local ferry driver, which was on the opposite side of the lake, called reporting that he was hearing weird moaning and screams from the island, Domingo knew something was afoot.

    “What the hell could have happened?”thought Dom. He looked at his watch. 5:56PM. The sun was almost gone. He would go until 7:30PM or so and then pack up for the day. This was one of the biggest mysteries he had ever had to solve. He walked out of the room. It looked like this was a big family's house by the size of it. Where were all of the people? There were no bodies. Were they all killed? Abducted? It seemed impossible. Think, Dom, think! Where could they hide all of the people? Domingo sat there thinking for what seemed like hours. Then, finally he got it! The Mines!

    He headed for the mines. Walking down the streets, it seemed disturbingly quiet. The streetlights were dim and flickering. He listened intently hoping to hear anything. Silence. Looming in front of him, was the dark but quiet mines. Walking forward as stealthily as he could, he entered the mines. It was way too dark for him to see. He took out his flashlight and tried to turn it on. For a second, the light lingered, but the battery had run out. Crack! His breathing quickened. He heard something far off in the mines that had echoed to him. He took his trusty colt out of the holster and readied his aim. He was becoming unsure about what he was going to find.

    “C'mon Dom, snap out of it,” Dom said to himself. For some reason, the atmosphere had darkened. He felt like the air weighed 100 pounds. Something didn't smell right in the air. It smelled... It smelled of flesh, of decay, of death! “That means... Oh god!” Dom felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He didn't want to go on. The mines seemed to wind on forever, as if purposely trying to get him lost in the labyrinth. Finally, he got to a large area that echoed his every step, no matter how stealth. Mmmmooooooooaaaaaaaaannnnnnn... The marine cringed. The sound was only, say, 10 feet away. Domingo cursed under his breath, with both anger and indescribable fear. He looked in all directions, in vain, for it was dark, save for a sole lantern still burning in the corner. Whoever it was, the person or... creature wasn't of this earth...

    Dom couldn't see the tip of his nose in this sunless cavern, which only encouraged the horrible feelings in the depth of his stomach. But that meant that the creature in the room was vulnerable too, right? Surely, it couldn't see in the dark. He had watched far to many horror movies. There was a standstill that lingered for a number of minutes. He felt like a deer standing still in the brush, hoping his prey would not see him. Then, suddenly, he heard a little bit of shuffling near him. After a moment of hesitation, he decided he had to move to stay alive. He started creeping the opposite way of the sound. He tripped on a piece of wood and lost his balance! He fell and plummeted through the old, decomposing wood floor. 

    There were many bodies next to him. Surely they were dead. Then, out of horror, he realized the were moving! They made the gruesome and painful sounds of hells deepest levels. He started shooting with his colt but it was too late... The unholy legion of the undead had already seized him and were devouring him bite by bite by bite.

    Domingo Ortega was never seen again...

  • Nice, I hope you make a second one.

    Add some background on Domingo, like Kris^ said.

     

  • Thanxee :D

  • Dude nice work!  Little background and you would be set good sir.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Those who wonder with a purpose have no purpose to wonder.

    Check the Blogs and Reviews kiddies...

  • Wait, do you mean, tell more about Domingo?

  • don't quit your dayjob, unless it happens to be writing. in which case quit your day job immediately.

    Mmmmooooooooaaaaaaaaannnnnnn... The marine cringed.

    oh. oh wow.

     

    ok though, seriously, you're probably young and everything and this is very english class calibre but there is an entire universe of problems with this story that you'd need to work on before it's worthy of showing to human beings who aren't paid to read it

  • Don't worry, I don't even have a day job.

  • Well a little background info would be nice, and i think that he was killed too suddenly try to lead up to his death, or if you wanted to you could have him escape(just barely) with his life.

     

     

  • Lol, nice story! What grade did you get on it?

  • I got an A-! xD I got inspiration from RE4 and L4D.

  • "Don't worry I don't even have a day job"

    Haha.

    "You're annoying and you cry about everything, like sending a message to someone on game informer whining about it."

     

    <3

  • Well, it could use polish, but it made me read all the way to the end. Good job!

    And don't mind Knuckles. He's just cynical about everything. It's kind of annoying, but at the same time it makes for some great blogs of his.

  • I felt like a zombie reading it.

    I'm better than you.

  • Overall, an average story. Good basic information though. Nice picture though, beileve I saw that in a zombie comic. lol. Just needs polish. Should have come up with a more original name for island, but understand the allusion. Overall nice work

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