The lights are on
As a response to your text, I also am unable to write a review, and am also level one. However, this website says that level one is able to write reviews... ( http://www.gameinformer.com/p/rewards.aspx ) As a response to your quote, (forgive me if i rip off iFunny- my friend told me this, but,)
Step 1: Buy a sword.
Step 2: Name it Kindness
Step 3: Kill people with Kindness