While Metal Gear Solid has its share of serious moments, the games are also unbelievably stupid at times. Bee-shooting tommy guns, cyborg ninjas, and evil british clones are all standard plot points for the series, but it can get much crazier than that. Join me today in this spoiler-filled blog where we will be checking out the weirdest MGS has to offer.

Johnny (Metal Gear Solid 1, 2, and 4)

Acting as a recurring character during the Metal Gear Solid series, Johnny is an incompetent GENOME soldier who suffers from frequent diarrhea, can’t look under beds, and mistakes ketchup for blood. That would be fine if he was just a one time deal, but he actually is the focus of one of the main Metal Gear Solid 4 subplots.

Johnny and Meryl plan their wedding while shooting people (Metal Gear Solid 4)

Not only did Johnny return in Metal Gear Solid 4, he also returned with about an hour of cutscene time devoted to him. He keeps his usual level of absurdity, but things really go over the line when he makes his last stand with Meryl… While planning their wedding. The two exchange quirky dialogue and shoot up FROGs while talking about some appropriate subjects like how big it will be, and if Meryl will wear a dress.

Crotch grabs (Metal Gear Solid 2 and 3)

So Raiden meets the president of the United States captured in an oil rig. What’s the first thing he does? Grab his crotch and then act surprised when Raiden’s a man. In case that wasn’t classy enough, the gag is reused multiple times during Metal Gear Solid 3. These scenes act as a harsh wake up call to remind the players, yes, these are very Japanese games.

Vamp’s Crotch Knife (Metal Gear Solid 4)

Metal Gear Solid 2 established that Vamp is bisexual, and Kojima really wants you to remember that. So, for subtlety, he has a knife strapped over his groin which he uses to stab Raiden in the groin, spilling… White blood. And then he licks it in a very seductive manner.


Naked Raiden Doing Cartwheels (Metal Gear Solid 2)

Enough said.

Iroquois Plisskin (Metal Gear Solid 2)

Who is Iroquois Pliskin? Lets see… He’s voiced by David Hayter, he looks like Solid Snake, acts like Solid Snake, he sneaks around in boxes, and shares the same last name as Snake Plissken from Escape from LA. But don’t worry, he’s totally not Solid Snake. He’s just some random Navy SEAL. Nothing suspicious about that.