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As you know, I am a sucker for mythology. I spend my time
researching monsters and gods from multiple cultures, and I love how games get
creative and make their own. I will be mixing this up a bit, because I will do
much more then explain why these gods deserve their spots. As you know, whenever
there is a god, Kratos is not far behind. That’s right; I will also tell you
how Kratos would deal with these gods. Also; these have to be gods invented by games.
So there will be no Zeus, Amaterasu, Minerva, or Thor. And finally, this list
contains massive spoilers for God of War III and Final Fantasy VI. You have
10-Palutena (Kid Icarus)
Who she is: Palutena is the goddess of light and ruler of
Angel Land. She worked with Medusa, the god of darkness. While Palutena would
spread happiness to humans, Medusa hated them and tried to harm humans.
Palutena banished Medusa to the underworld, but many years later Medusa
returned and attacked her. However, her servant Pit defeated Medusa and brought
light back to Angel Land.
How Kratos would kill her: Kratos would rip off Medusa’s
head and freeze Palutena with it. He would then break the statue of Palutena
into bits with his Nemean Cestus.
9-You (Black and White)
Who he or she is: You are the god in Black and White. Yes,
you. You can either be good or evil, but you have one simple goal. You want to
kill every other god to be the complete master of the universe. To do so, you
will need to spread your influence across the world and get more monsters that
you can use to take down other gods.
How Kratos would kill him or her: Kratos would quickly take
care of the monsters and defeat your giant hands that you use to interact with
the world. Once your only interaction to the mortal world is gone, you would be
powerless against any other god that wished to kill you.
8-Talos (The Elder Scrolls)
Who he is: Talos was a Dragonborn who brought piece to
Tamriel. Not much else is known about him after that except that he eventually
became a game. In the fourth era of Tamriel, worship of him was outlawed.
However, some rebels in Skyrim wanted freedom of religion so they formed the
Stormcloaks. If they won the civil war, they would lift the ban on Talos
worship and stop the religious oppression.
How Kratos would kill him: Kratos would dodge Talos’ attacks
and slice him up like a normal opponent. After all, Talos isn’t some giant or
monster. He is just a god that takes the form of a human.
7-Din (The Legend of Zelda)
Who she is: Din is the goddess of power and the creator of
life. While her sisters created worlds and water, she made every living
creature on the planet. Din is rarely seen in physical form, but she is usually
pot rayed as a giant Oscar award that floats through space.
How Kratos would kill her: Kratos would easily punch right
through the gold and release the goddess within. But before she could float
away, Kratos would consume her soul with the Claws of Hades.
6-Kefka Palazzo (Final Fantasy VI)
Who he is: Kefka is an insane magic user that got so
power-hungry that he literally turned into the God of Magic. In his godly state
he destroyed the world, but left some people alive. He created tons of monsters
during his time as a god, but he was eventually killed by the protagonists. But
since he is the god of magic, all magic disappears from the world when he dies.
How Kratos would kill him: Kratos would climb the symbolic god
and attack his lower forms before climbing up to the god’s face. He would then simply
stab Kefka with the blade of Olympus right between his eyes.
5-Zilean (League of Legends)
Who he is: Zilean was the lone survivor in a city torn by
war. He lived in the clock tower where he experimented with time magic in hopes
of being able to see the future, but he was so focused on his work that he
couldn’t see the destruction outside. After viewing the horror, he realized that
he had a curse. He is immortal, but he is no longer attached to his body and
must watch wars from the sidelines. He was reconnected to his body by the
League of Legends, and he fights in hopes of finding a cure to his curse.
How Kratos would kill him: Kratos would kill the summoner
before he could complete his ritual. Zilean would never be reattached to his
body and would be forced to float around the space time continuum forever.
4-Doshin/Joshin (Doshin the Giant)
Who he is: What’s that? Never heard of Doshin the Giant?
Shame on you, because Doshin the Giant is one of the best import-only games I
have ever played. But that’s for another blog. Doshin himself is the god of
happiness who grows bigger if he does good deeds. Sounds like a happy guy,
right? Well he also has an alter ego; Joshin, the god of hate. Joshin rampages
across the island and not even the locals can stop him.
How Kratos would kill him: Kratos would kill the islanders
so that nobody can supply him with hearts for his good deeds. Doshin will
slowly shrink until Kratos can take him in a normal one on one fight.
3-Arceus (Pokemon Platinum)
Who he is: Arceus was the first Pokemon to ever live. In
fact, he was the first THING to ever live. Arceus created the earth and
everything on it, including every other legendary Pokemon. The weirdest thing
is that the Pokemon most people use isn’t even Arceus’ final form. Pokemon
Pearl’s Pokdex said that Arceus created the universe with his 1000 arms,
something that his in-game sprite obviously does not have.
How Kratos would kill him: Kratos would quickly dismember the
god’s 1000 arms and finish him off by ripping out his soul with the Claws of
Hades, which would be Super Effective because the Claws of Hades are Ghost
2-Kratos (God of War)
Who he is: Kratos is the god of war and son of Zeus. He
butchered millions of humans and monsters on his way to the godly throne, but
that was not enough for him. After being betrayed by Zeus, he went on a bloody
rampage across Greece until every god was dead. Through his conquest against
the gods, he actually caused Armageddon and killed every human on earth.
How Kratos would kill himself: Well, he already did at the
end of God of War III. After seeing the destruction he caused, he stabbed
himself in the gut with the legendary Blade of Olympus.
1-The King of all Cosmos (Katamari Damacy)
Who he is: The King was a young boy who was raised to be a
perfect son. However, one day he came in second in a junior league boxing
match. After that, The King trained to be the best fighter in the universe. The
King inherited his father’s crown and had a baby named The Prince. One day, The
King got drunk and accidently knocked the stars out of the sky. He then sent
his sun to roll up balls to replace the stars, and he has been doing that ever
How Kratos would kill him: Kratos would roll a Katamri up
the king and push it into The King’s mouth. The King would choke on the giant
Katamari and crumble.
Well, there you go. The ten best gods and gaming and how
Kratos could kill them. Tell me if I missed any of your personal favorites,
because I had to leave a ton of good ones on the cutting room floor. And as
always, thank you for reading and have a great day.