The lights are on
Veteran Member - Level 13
31, 2012 - -
- In the wake of the released iPhone 5 (September 21) and the announcement of
the iPad Mini as of October 23, Apple diehards cheered around the world in
piranha-like excitement for the tech Goliath's next product.
international surprise, the fruit-company-that-isn't-about-producing-fruit held
its annual WWDC conference and its subsequent, "We lied and didn't show
everything off two months ago" press release to great critical acclaim. Not
only did the public learn that Apple is the leader in the smartphone market,
but they also received stat-charts telling them useful facts, such as "More
Apps Downloaded Than Last Year", or "Best Phones Ever, Since Last Year's Ever".
Much to the crowd's shock, the iPhone 5 (not the 6!) was unveiled, and was,
according to CEO Tim Cook, "The most amazing, magical phone ever". [Author's
Note: Having used each iPhone, this really is the best one so far!]
not more than five months after the release of the New iPad, Apple
underhandedly debuts to the world the iPad Mini. Meant to be a budget device
that competes with the likes of the Amazon Kindle Fire, the product will only
charge you $329 for two-year old technology and a smaller screen. Competition
looks pretty measly, with the Kindle Fire going for $159 and the Google Nexus 7
at $249. If you know anything about the tech industry, paying less money for
something obviously means that it's not as good, and you won't be as socially
cool if you don't own the new iPad Mini. Along with marginally upgraded iPod
lines, and new laptops updated with technology that's been present for two years,
Apple is at an all-time high. In every single aspect of the market, the
organization manages to offer similar experiences and specifications to
competing products, at consistently steeper prices, breaking records in good-willed
consumer and market tyranny. A civilian at the press conference, named Kathryn,
chimed in, saying, "I'm so excited for the iPad Mini. It's all I ever wanted in
an iPhone or an iPad, at just the right size. I'm so happy they made it just like
their other gadgets". Kudos, Apple.
Tim Cook has since recently announced to its private stockholders, that the
company will be moving towards "new bounds in creativity and originality" with
their products. Not stopping there, Cook hopes to donate 1% of their yearly
earnings towards charity. "It will be hard on us financially," he says, "but I
believe that Apple will be able to win over the market again". Recent plans
have been set in motion to lower production costs of their technology in China
from $10 to $3, in hopes of maximizing consumer profit by 300% when sold back
in America for $900.
drastic turn of events is appalling, to say the least. For starters, what will
consumers have to look forward to every year if they can't expect the same
product to be released from last year? If Apple really sticks to their new "creativity"
plan, then at the very worst the products will be so refreshingly unique and
different year-after-year that the public will be unable to recognize what's
what. How will we maintain a consistent social status if we can't brag how we
own the iPhone 5, the iPad, the Macbook for charging, and iPad Mini for when we're
on the go? That kind of brand exhaustion is what kept the company moving
forward. This unexpected new turn will hurtle the company into dark places,
nothing for me to waste my money on, if I don't know what I'm buying," added
top of the frustrating new approach to "original" product design, how will
Apple be able to stay afloat when their giving away a margin of their profits
to those in need? After their record-breaking achievement of becoming a $100-billion-a-year
company, the 1% giveaway will mean that they're losing a whopping total of $10-thousand
dollars - those are profits that should be going towards boosting the
productivity of Apple employees, not helping the poor. With any luck - and for
all you Apple cultists out there, cross your fingers - the new price increase of
their products will help them maintain even with their quarterly earnings.
only Apple could take a look at themselves more closely, and realize that they
don't need to give us better things, they need to give us what popular culture
wants - more of the same. We don't want speed, we want style. Don't make us
switch over to Windows Phone 8.
*Small Note* This is a satire of the position that Apple holds in technology today, and some of its common fallacies that could be reprimanded. It's partially written as an assignment for school. If you have any pointers for improvements, or think it was over the top, please feel free to tell me. If you liked it however, still send a comment!