The lights are on
Veteran Member - Level 13
Every now and then, life
decides to present itself in unlikely ways. We as people don't always see it.
Some people don't even choose to take what life has to offer. Yet, all it takes
is for a person to just simply, go for it.
I'd like to think, that I've
taken up with life and many of its wonderful gifts. Nay, I have taken up with life. If I even look a few years ago, stand
where I am today, and take a couple steps back, there's a world of noticeable
From the beginning, my own life
has been one filled with prosperity. I'm lucky enough to live in a home
environment that can take care of me, and perhaps even support some of my
hobbies. However, that's not to say that I'm one without struggle. I would be a
fool, to claim otherwise.
While I do live in an
economically stable home environment, it hasn't been just one, but two homes.
Ever since I was two years old, I've had to deal with the complications of
having two sides of what was once called a "family". When I was five, I had to
get in an airplane for the first time, by myself. I've ridden in an airplane
every two weeks since, for eleven years.
Even though I wasn't hurt much
by the emotional fallout of those problems, it affected me in little ways,
which I had yet to learn.
The reality of my split
lifestyle, was one in which I could never fully accustom to what I was supposed
to be. My father, who is a figure of rock-steady balance and foundation, was
unable to be around for me one-hundred percent of the time, and as a result I
had to grow to things on my own, without the help of a dad. In addition, I was
always moving back and forth between homes, which led to my un-assurance in
making friends out of people.
During elementary school, I was
personally made fun of. I didn't act quite the same as those in other groups, I
strove to want to be in the "popular" groups, and I struggled to find a way to
fit in. Things just never seemed to work out for me.
Be it from liking geeky things,
happening to be a little too smart for my own good, or just being a plain dork.
I wouldn't know what judged charisma and character anymore, from back then.
What I do know, is that it affected me so much, that I had developed a
self-afflicted case in which I couldn't make friends. Heck, much to my own
dismay, I was forced to go to a re-assurance therapy that had me interacting
with farm animals, to warm up to the concept of "acquaintances".
After that little escapade, it
seemed like my problem would alleviate itself after finding a fresh start in a
new town. And for the most part, it did. I made my start in the band program,
and discovered the complexities of middle school and what it meant to have "choice".
However, it couldn't have been
more than two years before I closed up the hole that I tried to hide in once
before. That time, I tried to find a way out through 'artistic expression'; I
suppose you could call it by that. I meant, dark poetry, changing hairstyle,
sketching, and writing.
By the time high school rolled
around, things began to open themselves up again. Band was becoming more and
more of a personal investment, choice had shown itself to be even broader than
originally imagined, and personal maturity had finally reached my ultimate realization
- I am my own person.
Told more eloquently, the
epiphany was that, you are what you make
of yourself. Not anybody else's judgment, not anyone else's accusations,
not any pre-determined expectations. What I do with myself, is entirely up to
The fact that only a few words
could mean so much was revelatory to me. I could like whatever I wanted to
like, act however I wanted to act, and aspire to be whatever I wanted to be.
As a result, I began to put
more time into my musical talent. While I'm a self-proclaimed jack-of-all-trades,
it wouldn't hurt to put a little more attention into what I thought would
really count. Now, I'm one of the top twenty trombone players in the state of
Texas, which is the most musically competitive area in the country.
I got my grades back up, fixed
my attitude, changed my outlook on the way things could be, and even found a
girlfriend. I tried out for a leadership role in band, and it has completely
changed me. I understand the obligation of leadership, the weight of having to
take care of two-hundred other people, and to keep things running smoothly. It's
made me more responsible, happier, and more open to people. I can make friends!
Skip forward a year or so, and
I discovered a magical little place called Gameinformer.
Remember how I said that I
would write to express myself during my dark phase? Well, that's not to say
that I let my talent go to waste. Writing in school was always fun to do. It
was one of the best things to do, really. But there was never enough of it.
That's why I decided to try my shots at the mysterious "Blogs" section on a
My debut was not without a
rocky start, as can be said with many people (I hope), as well. I didn't know
what to think of it, and I didn't receive much in terms of public feedback. I
thought that maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead, and not put too much
attention into something that wouldn't really return in the long run. Man, was
The first person I met was a
user called mojomonkey12. He posted
on my main page, telling me that it was cool to see a new person around those
parts, and he appreciated what I'd tried to do. That had a world of impact on
me. To this day, Jeremy supports me in ways that really have a way of boosting
my self-esteem. I'm sure you'd all agree, but more personally, he's like a
father to me on GIO, and acts like my own. It's nice, and re-assuring.
So, I gave it a couple more
shots, and wrote an official introduction of sorts. It was then that I found
out about Saint, who has proven to be an effective role model for any aspiring
writer on Gameinformer. Knowing that there were people who were legitimately
kind, and even more who were very experienced, I continued on in my upward
battle, consisting of self-motivation and the goal to really polish myself as a
It wasn't without its hardships
too, though. I had a time-crunched schedule that didn't allow for much extra
time at home, and after I felt that I had made a pretty good mark on the net, I
faced a permaban on my log-in screen.
Just randomly one day, I was
permabanned without any reason other than, "Other". After some asking around, I
learned that it was either a glitch in GI's system, or one of the mods deciding
to be a jerk. I worked around with a couple things, talking to Jack Gardner (who
was at the time an accidental mod) to get me unbanned.
Because of the incident, I lost
all of my previous blogs. It was pretty demoralizing, and I almost didn't want
to continue on. That was obviously a stupid thought, and I knew it. There was
too much to live up to, so many acquaintances made, the start of something in
which I had developed a name for myself. I couldn't quit then.
So I worked my hardest to come
back strong, writing more often, more diligently, more effectively. I was proud
of myself. In a way, I kind of see of what had happened as a sort of test, and
I had risen out of the ashes. Who wouldn't be proud of a self-achievement like
After a month or so of really
getting into the swing of things, a new opportunity came out of the blue. A
user named Stranger, with a really
creepy-yet-cool Gorillaz avatar picture, left a message on my wall saying that
I seemed like a really cool new guy, and thought it'd be great to talk to me
more often. He invited me to his idea of a Skype Chatroom for Gameinformer
Online members, and opted to add me as a chatroom moderator. He encouraged me
to get a Twitter account, just to be able to talk to everybody on GIO. More
often than not, he's done things to really bolster my position in this
community, and feel like a part of everyone.
Since then, the journey of
writing and social interaction with faceless, yet strangely kind and
considerate, people had become prominent, and even a norm for me. It's been
strangely enjoyable, extremely fun, and wonderfully helpful to me as a person.