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We all love a good romance story, but sometimes, well, these things can get complicated. That’s not always a bad thing, but it can lead to some precarious positions. Here are the Top 10 Love Triangles that gave the participants more than they bargained for.
10. Batman, Oracle, Talia al-Ghul (Batman: Arkham City): The next Batman game is going to suck, and it is going to have nothing to do with Warner Bros. development chops. In the first game, Batman handled his business. No distractions, just a single man taking care of business. I mean, Oracle is there, but there is not the least bit of sexual tension. In Arkham City, Batman gets inundated with women, and they invariably all make things difficult for him. Talia is nothing but trouble anyway, but Oracle's consistent nagging is far more deadly than any assassin could ever be. And don’t even get me started on Catwoman. I don't see how he's going to get anything done at this rate.
9. Shepard, Liara, Ashley (Mass Effect): Yes, technically Shepard has like a love octagon going on, but no relationship showcases Shepard’s pimp-osity better than the male romance options from the original Mass Effect. The series was still new to us at the time, and we didn’t know the depths of Shepard’s disdain for commitment. Of course first-time male Shepards were hitting on both chicks available, blissfully unaware that this is a problem, until Ashley confronts you about what’s going on. Naturally, you have three choices. You can outright choose one, or you can test the limits of your persuasive abilities.. Who says video games don’t make us make tough moral choices?
8. The Hero, His/Her Spouse, That Prostitute (Fable 2): My Fable 2 romance was rocky at times, but it didn’t start off bad. I was something of a ladies’ man early on, but the first time I saw Jenny the bartender, I knew she was something special. Or maybe I was drunk. Anyhoo, I popped the question, she said yes, and me and Jenny began our new life together. After about two minutes, I realized that I didn’t want to be married, so I left. Simply left, and completely forgot about Jenny. A few weeks later I’m wandering around Bowerstone, drunk, and come across a certain lady of ill repute. Grabbing her, I stumble into the closest available house…right into my wife. That halo above my head shone a little less brightly that day.
7. Maxim, Tia, Selen (Lufia II): If you haven’t played this SNES masterpiece, go buy it off eBay and play it right now. Seriously, I’ll wait……..Done? Gameplay-wise Lufia II didn’t do anything groundbreaking, but it did feature one of the most detailed and emotional stories in gaming. In particular, protagonist Maxim and his relationships with childhood crush Mia and future wife Selen presents one of the more mature and heart-breaking tales around. It’s kind of like The Notebook , with monsters and stuff.
6. Cloud, Tifa, Aeris (Final Fantasy VII): One of the most recognized trimances around, the Cloud, Tifa and Aeris triangle has been examined from every angle. I still refuse to believe that two awesome chicks like Tifa and Aeris would fall for a skinny loser like Cloud, but I guess that whole emo/James Dean attitude is irresistible in Midgar. Even Barrett falls for it. Of course, if Cloud was really the good guy he claims to turn out to be (that’s confusing), he would stay away from those two and not completely destroy their lives. Maybe hook up with Yuffie; I’d like to see Sephiroth try to stab her through the gut.
5. Kratos, Whore, Whore (God of War): One of the finest examples of true love in video games, the Kratos-Whore-Whore triangle is one of the most artistic, subtle and powerful relationships in the medium today. I think it works so well because, besides its social commentary on the nature of monogamous relationships in today’s often polygamous world, they have such a solid give-and-take. Kratos gets a nice experience boost, and the, er, consorts get a little taste of Kratos. One thing, though: These scenes don’t usually last too long. Quick-time events indeed, eh Kratos? Ah, I’m just joshing. You could murder me.
4. Vincent, Katherine, Catherine (Catherine): Catherine isn’t winning any awards for flawless game design, but one facet the game does handle well is the relationship the story centers around. Catherine, a young, nubile blonde girl, for some reason gets attracted to slacker Vincent. Vincent is kind of a ***, so instead of living peacefully with his probably pregnant, but still pretty hot, current girlfriend Katherine, he gets mixed up in this huge demon-infested, sheep-populated dream-tower-thing. It’s confusing, but it is well-realized.
3. Nathan, Chloe, Elena (Uncharted): Oh Nathan Drake. You do have a way with the ladies, don’t you? It’s not enough that you get sweet, gentle Elena to follow you around like a puppy, but you have to get caught up with femme-fatale Chole? Seriously? Are you trying to be a stereotype? Well, yeah, I guess you kind of are, but that is beside the point. Thanks to state-of-the-art animation work and top-notch writing, the love triangle in Uncharted 2 is one of the best, and most complex, relationships in gaming.
2. Bowser, Mario, Peach (Super Mario Bros.): I’m going to tell you a story. Boy meets girl. He is looked down upon by most everyone around him, but something about this boy makes the girl interested. She is no normal girl herself, though; she’s a princess. The unlikely pair eventually fall in love, and retire to his modest abode to live their life. Outraged, the King sends his most trusted employee to kidnap the princess. All of the boy’s friends rally around them to try to protect her, but the King’s man is too powerful, and the princess is eventually torn from her lover’s arms. Devastated, she knows she has no choice but to pretend to thank her father’s lackey, and bide her time until her lover can return. Thus is the story of Super Mario Bros.
1. Jimmy, Billy, Marian (Double Dragon): Truthfully, there is nothing humorous about the fall of the Lee brothers, and the deception of the succubus Marian. After fighting their way through an entire city of badly-dressed thugs, the duo finally rescue Marian from the clutches of the evil gang lord. Instead of being a good damsel in distress and thanking them for rescuing her, what does she do? Makes them fight it out right there to see who would get to take her home. Since this was the early ‘90s, they oblige her and pummel each other to a pulp. Really makes you wonder what was going on before they got there.