Surviving the Zombie Outbreak:

Left 4 Dead Style


You know that zombie survival guide that everyone's reading nowadays? The one where it tell you to head north for colder weather? Well, forget everything it ever told you, because Left 4 Dead has its own ideas on how to survive the zombie outbreak.


Survivors: There are several easy ways to stay alive as survivors.

First off, it is better if you don't have regular, white-collar job. People with more interesting backgrounds such as con men, Vietnam vets, and bikers all tend to have a lower infection rate than others.

Weapon-wise, the only gun you'll ever need is the pistol. This is because, miraculously, you will always have infinite ammo. If you need another gun, don't bother wasting your money on it. There are guaranteed to be tables with powerful, military-grade guns on your way to safety.

Make exactly 3 friends with whom you can survive the apocalypse. Anything below means less chance of survival. Anymore than 3 and the spill-over will become zombies.


Zombies: And then there are those of you who will be infected. If infected, these tips will ensure that you make life as hard as possible for the survivors.

First off, if you are a member of the majority where you live, prepare for a life of hardship as a common zombie. Minorities are more likely to become special variants.

There is a way you can escape your fate though.


Special Infected

If you want to be a Smoker, then all you will need to do is start chain-smoking right away. The more the better. There's a higher chance if you've been a lifelong smoker. Also, work on strengthening those tongue muscles.

If you want to be a boomer, then all you have to be is a big fat guy. There's a higher likelihood if you cut your hair short and wear a blue shirt that doesn't quite fit.

Those aiming to be jockeys will need to be short, but have surprisingly long and strong arms. If you are balding and you wear short pants and sleeveless shirts, expect to become a jockey in short order.

The spitters of the zombie world will have been the foul-mouthed women of ours. Wear your head in pigtails and wear white clothing.

Hunters will find that they need to be fit. Wear a hoodie, preferably blue, with the hood pulled over your head. If you exhibited a stalker vibe in real life, you might want to consider being a hunter.

Chargers will most likely be minor league football players and those big people you see around that don't play sports. Wear coveralls if the above description fits you.

Tanks are the major league football player or the genuinely huge. That is why there are so few of them. If you took steroids, you will have a higher chance of being a tank. Wear some sturdy pants. You're gonna need them.

There are several ways to become a witch. It helps if you are depressed. My personal theory is that in real life, witches were prostitutes. They gained alot of STDs while doing their business. Then the STDs reacted with the zombie virus to create an abomination. That is why they wear skimpy clothing and are so sad. Of course, it's my personal theory. You may not agree.