The_Wampa_King Blog

Modern Warfare 3 Midnight Launch!

Wampa King — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:27:00 GMT

Say what you want, but you can't deny that MW3 is this years biggest game. Maybe not the best to some people, but definitely the biggest seller. To say Call of Duty has a massive group of fans is an understatement. SO! In that case, Who here is going to the Midnight Launch!?!? Me and my brother have the Xbox 360 and the Hardened edition pre-ordered and I'm dressing up in camos and a gas mask, and he's dressing up as Ghost from MW2.

Post your plans in the comments if you're going! Be nice and don't troll!

P.S.: If you're dressing up send me pictures via email to thewampaking@hotmail.com and I'll post them to my blog after the games release!

Superjail!

Wampa King — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 13:36:00 GMT

Sooooo...Where to start? This has gotta be one of the craziest/violent shows I've ever seen. And that's very much a good thing.

It's basically a black comedy set in a huge prison , where the crazy warden gets some crazy idea that ends in total mayhem. That's basically the premise of it all. Unfortunately it's not at all as popular as [adult swim]'s other series, most likely due to its strangeness. I seriously cant think of any other comedy like this. It starts with the Warden's helper Jailbot capturing Jackknife, the criminal and taking him to the jail. It's usually always amusing to see him get taken whilst doing something stupid. And it's always nice when a shows intro changes every episode.

It also has beautiful animation, and is really detailed. You can tell it takes a while to make this show. I hope it gets a third season because it deserves one.

I seriously wish this show was more popular. Most people I've shown kinda just get grossed/weirded out.

I'M SURE YOU'RE DIFFERENT!

Of course though it's one of those shows you just have to watch so here you go. Airs on [adult swim] Sunday nights at 12:30 AM (est)

Warning: If you're offended by any cartoon violence then don't watch this. Seriously. The show is TV-MA for a reason.

Season 1 Episode 4 "Cold Blooded"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHTgrNITihY

Season 1 episode 1 "Superbar"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8NQrfaQXzw&feature=related

Season 2 episode 6 "Ghosts"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bNS75Ng7iE

Like or dislike? Post in the comments

(I do not own Superjail! All rights to adult swim and augenblick/titmouse studios)

Santa Claus: The Ho-Ho-Horror story

Wampa King — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 16:15:00 GMT

Billy tossed and turned all night. He couldn't sleep if his mommas fried chicken depended on it. He had that feeling that something would happen that night. Something.....HORRIBLE!!!!! (dramatic music)

He was 19 and lost all faith in Good ol' Saint Nick years ago when he received and lump of coal for Christmas years ago. From then on he doubted Santa and bashed his name. Santa didn't like this. Not one bit. Little do people know that Santa is the red and white wearing fat elf with an appetite for destruction and death!

He decided to give Billy a visit. (scary music) He figured he wouldn't take the sleigh since it was too noisy. He took his Red Ferrari instead. He drove to Billy's house, but parked a few houses down because he was smart like that! He took a ladder from the trunk and climbed to the roof of Billy's home. He looked down the chimney, then looked at his stomach. He decided the front door would be better.

He picked the lock with his super beard and went inside. He stuck his Cuban Cigar in his hat for further usage. He examined billy's home. Suddenly, he heard footsteps! He jumped and stuck to the roof because he was awesome like that! He saw billy walk through the house to get some sleeping pills. Santa dropped from the roof behind billy quietly. He pulled out his nunchucks. "Ho-Ho-Hola, Billy!" said Santa as he whacked billy in the back of the head with all his might. "Or should i say....Ho-Ho....Goodbye!" Billy hit the floor with a thud.

Santa felt and realized he still had a pulse. This was not in Santa's favor. He pulled out his cigar and gave out a chuckle. He tossed it into a pile of newspapers. (evil music) He grabbed some cookies from a jar and left the house. He went to his Ferrari and started to drive away. He smirked as he saw the home in flames through the rear view mirrors.

Suddenly he heard sirens. This would be a Winter to remember!

End of Part 1

(don't ask)

the tale of nothingness chapter 8: walrus king makes new friends!

Wampa King — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 21:39:00 GMT

The walrus king had made 2 friends. Uncle ben and Dr. Philrus. He had no idea fridge raiding would make you friends, but who cares? Unfortunately he was left 2 friends no normal person would want.

The philrus was still raiding his fridge, while uncle ben was on the couch, not shutting up about power and responsibility.

"Got any mustard!?" said the philrus. Walrus king quickly replied "No." because he hated mustard.

“Well, no dog has ever peed on a moving car!" said the philrus, flinging his arms in the air. Uncle ben pulled a bottle of mustard from his jacket, and handed it to the philrus. "sweet dana carveys i love this stuff!" said the philrus, who continued to eat the mustard in spoonfuls.

Meanwhile, uncle ben made his way to the walrus ball. He took it, and yelled: "With great balls come great responsibility!" He then smashed the ball and ate the..ball debris?

Philrus then said "Don't make me put your head in a blender!”

The walrus king had no idea what to do at this moment. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. Suddenly, uncle ben was on a segway with a paper. "Hot n' spiceh news!" he said and handed it to the philrus.

Philrus took the paper and gasped. "Sweet holy moly! Metro PCS is offering unlimited talk and and text for only 40$, all taxes and fees inlud-"

Ben then slapped him. "I don't mean to lecture and I don't mean to preach. And I know I'm not your father..."

Philrus then replied "THEN STOP PRETENDING TO BE!" and ran off sobbing.

"some people just dont like 5$ foot longs but i am rather fond of them. Someone get me norton antivirus protection to protect my subs!" said ben.

What the heck was going on?!

Suddenly the door bell rang....Who would come this late?!

It was the pizza man. philrus then ran back with cash in his hand and hung up the phone. "I eat when im upset!" he said and took the pizza.

"“Are you doing what you're doing today because you want to do it, or because it's what you were doing yesterday? I ate pizza yesterday and i think im addicted.” said philrus and ate the pizza.

Suddenly ben came over. "Hot 'n spiceh pizza!" he said, and realized it was gone.

Tears began flowing.

Philrus shot him with a revolver.

He staggered back a few feet, then fall on his back. :O

He then got up, took a ladder, climbed up it and replaced a light bulb above him. ""Let there be light. There is light. Forty soft, glowing watts of it!"

He then fell off and died. Poor ben.

END OF CHAPTER 8

Not sure what happens in chapter 9.

The tale of nothingness chapter 7: OMGITSPHIL.

Wampa King — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:27:00 GMT

The walrus king didn't know what to do. He had the walrus ball, but he had no real use for it. What was he going to do with a bunch of walruses?! He decided he was done. He covered the ball with a sheet, and left the room. Done deal. Say bye to the walruses. Story is over.

OR IS IT?!?!?!?

Just then, someone broke through the window. WHO WAS IT?! It was Dr Philrus!

He started to look around, looking for something to steal, when suddenly he spotted the ball.

His expression:

He took the ball and laughed! He would have his own army of Philruses!

Meanwhile, in CA:

The walruses were having fun; eating people, eating food, drinking beer, the usual. Suddenly, andy was someone else. A philrus! He saw some guy crying. He wen't up to him. "You're a sad person!" He said. He looked up. "Yes, I am.". "I could tell you were sad, because I have a a masters degree in experimental psychology, so I'm way smarter then you'll ever be! How does that make you feel?"

He continued to sob. "I asked you a question, maam, AND I WANT IT ANSWERED!" He continued to sob.

He became very angry, and started kicking him. "I AM THE LORD THY PHIL, AND NO ONE IGNORES ME!" he said, pulled out a alligator tail, and started whacking him with it. "Awareness without action is worthless!" He said, and continued to whack him until he died.

He walked over to some fat guy. "Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become!" Said philrus. "Shut up, baldy!" said fatty.

He became very angry. He grabbed the nearest lamp post and ripped it from the ground. He whacked the man with it! "Hey man, that hurts!" said fatty. "NO ONE CALLS ME BALDY!" said phil, and continued to whack him. "THE MOST YOU GET IS WHAT YOU ASK FOR, AND YOU'VE BEEN ASKING FOR A GOOD BEATING!" he said and killed him on the spot. He went on giving people 'advice' on how to live life, even though none were living after they met him.

BACK IN THE LAIR:

The walrus king heard something. He went into his living room, pig leg in hand, and peeked around the wall. It was a philrus! And it was raiding his fridge! "What you doing in mah house/lair thing?!?!" said the king. Philrus looked up, and replied: "You cannot be who and what you are unless you have a lifestyle, both internally and externally, that is designed to support that definition of self."

They stood staring at each other for a few seconds, until uncle ben came flying in a super suit through the window! "With great fridges come great responsibility!" he said, and started raiding his fridge also. Walrus king didn't know what to do. He decided to eat. Why not? He could always use friends.

Whats next? I DUNO!

The tale of nothingness chapter 6: this is bad.

Wampa King — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:13:00 GMT

The walrus king was messing with the walrus ball. Suddenly, Bruce Willis jumped through a window! "Yippie kie yay m-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !. He exploded. The walrus king looked back, and saw that the walrus ball had blown up! Oh noes! That means, the walruses... Would be different! :O

BACK IN CA:

The walruses were chasing a mouse taunting them with a cookie, and ate him (and the cookie). Suddenly, the walrus felt different. He felt...Human. How did he know? He had an extreme urge to buy MW2. He ran to gamestop, and got in line. All the people ran off, though. They wen't in, only to find that they were out. He cried. Oh well. Sucks for him.

The walruses felt more human then ever! They got good jobs, and have been having a nice life. One of the walruses, Andy Mcwalura, started some video game thing, but who knows how that went. Yes, life was good for the walruses.

UNTIL: The walrus king was tired, he had just super glued the entire ball back together. He started reading the instruction booklet that was glued to the back on how to restart it. After a few mess-ups, he managed to restart it. Good, now the walruses were back to their zombie like selves!

Andy felt like he just got punched in the face. He was hungry, and he didn't wanna play MW2. Him and his buddy, Andrew Weiner, started eating all the humans once again. Life was better for the walruses. After some delicious hoomans, they decided to go get a beer. After that, they saw someone walking along. IT WAS LUNARSTARFOX! "OMG!" said andy, remember that she killed his child and ate him. He chased her, and ate her. Poor star. :(

What is next? Who will be eaten? WE DONT KNOW YET!

The tale of nothingness chapter 5: It's korean time! (with translated version, for all ya lazies)

Wampa King — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:40:00 GMT

The walrus king looked at his walrus ball. It was like a crystal ball, but it controlled walruses, not other stoofs. He has multiple crystal balls (of steel), but this one was different. He wasn't too savvy on controlling it. He whacked it with his hand. A bunch of buttons came up. He pressed all of them. What harm could it do?

한편 캘리포니아에서 :

바다 코끼리가 술에 취해했다. 바다 코끼리가 높은 것으로 밝혀졌다. 그들은 무엇을해야할지 모르겠어요. 그들은 배트맨과 포커 게임에서 모든 무기를 잃어버린, 그리고 그들이 무엇을해야할지 모르겠어요.

Ughhhh, 정말 취했어요." 랜스 완두콩했다. 뭔가 잘못됐다. 그는 바로 말을 안했다. 그가 바로 들으 셨어요? "Ughhhh, 난"남 진짜 취했어! "고 말했다. 오, 이런. 그는 한국말이 였어! 도대체 무슨 일이 일어 났는지? 다른 코끼리 얘기를 시작했다 :"나, 아빠 피트에 버터와 함께 축배를 원하는거야! "고 말했다 그들 중 하나.

그들은 혼란스러워했다. 그들이없는 동안의 계속 : "나는 내 엄마가하고 싶어", "난 너무 많습니다!", "난 맥주가 더 좋아." 왜 이런 일이 일어 났는지? 해마 주위를 실행하는 시작했다. 그들은 또 뭘 할까? 누가 알겠어. 갑자기, 랜스 완두콩 경찰에 의해 촬영됐다. "거기에 문제가, 경찰인가?" 랜스 고 말했다. "그래, 거기이다." 경찰 더군. "누가 내 쿠키를 먹을 수 있다고 말했어요?!"

랜스는 그의 손을 보았고, 거기에 쿠키가 거기 있었을 깨달았다. "무슨 헛소리!" 그는 말했다. 경찰, 소리 총을 꺼내 : "쿠키 내리기! 당장 입어!" 랜스, 경찰관, 그것을 데리고 도망 쿠키 내려놔. 랜스 혼란스러워했다. 언제나처럼. 오, 그럼. 랜스는 좀 더 실행 시작했다. "버디 버디 트윙키 유인해야 해!" 그는 소리쳤다. 왜? 나도 몰라.

한편, 해마 왕들의 굴에 :

해마 왕 지루했습니다. 그는 경찰이 해마에서 쿠키에 대한 초코와 맥주를 엄청 마시고 노래를 지켜 보았다. 그는 자고, 타격 기록 switch and turning everything back to normal. What a relief! :D

Here's the link to google translate: http://translate.google.com/translate_t#

Make it Korean to english, and copy the sections of the story to translate them. It really screws it up.

EDIT:

I'll put the translated version down here, for the people who find it hard to do:

Meanwhile, in California:

Walrus was getting drunk. Walruses were high. They do not know what to do. Batman and they lost all the weapons in a poker game, and they do not know what to do.

Ughhhh, really drunk. "Said Lance peas. Something was wrong. He did not say that. Did you hear he is?" Ughhhh, I "M really drunk!" He said. Oh, dear. He was a Korean! What what happened? Another elephant story began: "I, I want to toast with butter on the feet are!" Said one of them.

They were confused. While they continued: "I want my mother," "I have too many!", "I like beer." Why I got it from happening? Started running around the hippocampus. What else do they do? Who knows. Suddenly, Lance peas was shot by police. "There is a problem, a cop?" Lance said. "Yes, there is." Cop her. "Who told you you were to eat my cookies?!"

Lance saw his hands, there were cookies there realized. "What nonsense!" He said. Police pulled a gun sounds "making cookies! Put on!" Lance, a police officer, take it away down the cookie. Lance was confused. As always. Oh, yeah. Lance started running a little bit more. "Buddy Buddy Twinkies to pull it!" He yelled. Why? I do not know.

The kings of the hippocampus oysters:

King of the hippocampus was bored. He's a cop on the hippocampus, cookies, chocolate and beer, watched a lot of drinking songs. He's asleep, hit record switch and turning everything back to normal. What a relief! : D

The tale of nothingness chapter 4: The walruses have been captured! :O

Wampa King — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:37:51 GMT

Lance peas awoke from his unconsciousness. He was in a dark room. He looked around. Darkness. Suddenly, a light came on. He was in a room. With walruses (and narwhals) in it. "I'm scared" said one of them. Lance peas was scared deep down, but he couldn't show it. He was one tough fishy on the outside!

One of the walruses started singing: "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me! WHAT DOES IT SPELL?!"

Suddenly, they all yelled: "ARM AND HAMMER!" and started brushing their tusks and dancing. Suddenly someone emerged from the only door! "Who's there?!?" shouted lance peas. Suddenly, in a deep, MIGHTEH voice, he replied: HO HO HO! it was Santa clause!

He punched the walrus near him in the face, and kicked the one next to him! Suddenly, lance felt a pinch! He looked over to discover a Hermit crab! He screamed. Santa looked at him, and said: "That's just my crab!"

Lance replied: "Your crab? YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!"

"MAH CRAB!" Santa replied. He pointed at the crab and said: "CRAAAB!!!"

"What did we ever do to joo?!" Said lance. Santa handed him a picture. It was the noth pole. And his workshop. And a bunch of Walruses eating elves intestines. "oh." Replied Lance. Suddenly, one of the walruses in the room said he was hungry, jumped on Santa, and ate him. "********************!" Said Santa.

"So i'll have you for breakfast!" said the walrus and he continued to eat. All the walruses got up, and left the building.

"wasnt the beer party tonight?" Said one of them. Lance replied: "it was canceled, due to extremely underage potatoes. they don't grow fast as fast as you'd think."

"dangit" said the other walrus.

They went to the walrus king corporation, and ate everyone there. As they left, they wondered what to do next. Lets just say, "GIANT CAKE SIZED SUPCAKES, ORDER NOW! JUST FILL, BAKE, AND DECORATE!!!."

"walrus gumbooooos." said Lance peas, and then he shouted: "I NEED HEAVY DOSAGE OF APPLE SOFTWARE UPDATES!" *BLAAAAAAAAARGH!* It was going to be a long day.

Whats next? I have no clue...

The tale of nothingness chapter 3: The walruses are here! OH NOES!

Wampa King — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:21:30 GMT

The walruses (and narwhals) made their way toward California. Why, you ask? Because only the largest fast food chain was there! (and it was the closest). Yes, California held the incredible fast-food chain: Walrus King!

The Walruses didn't want to be eaten, so they went there to destroy it! Unfortunately, the walruses couldn't help but make a quick stop at the bar (walruses love beer). They drank and drank and drank and drank, until they were all drunk! The lumbering walruses left crashing through buildings and through Will Ferell filled semi-trucks! Meanwhile, they spotted an UNDERGROUND SKYSCRAPER! They started to eat it, when a gorilla came out of nowhere! "You shouldn't eat that." Said the gorilla. Lance Peas, the half walrus half Narwhal asked him why, and the gorilla replied: "Cause I'm allergic to grapes, but what do i know, I'm just an 800 pound gorilla in the room."

Lance peas pulled out his LMG and blasted the gorilla to bits, while the other walruses starting eating the gorillas insides. The walrus spotted an Elvis Presley look-a-like (he couldn't tell), and quickly asked for his autograph. (Walruses love Elvis,and they believe in the myth that he's not dead) "Heeeey, pretty walrus!" Said the Elvis dude. After a performance of "Hound dog", one of the walrus accidentally killed Elvis. :O The walruses quickly ate him and moved on.

Meanwhile, a runaway chicken (He was in jail for a terrorist bombing) was running (duh), and ran into the walruses. "A llama is to a grill as a bean-cake is to a pacifier!" he exclaimed. He started to drink a whole cup of coffee, and said some more stuff.

The walruses moved on. And then they found it. THE WALRUS KING CORPORATION! They moved in, only to be tackled by an unknown source. Who? Why? Where? When? How?

No one knows yet! BUT THEY WILL IN CHAPTER 4!

The tale of nothingness chapter 2: The Walruses strike back!

Wampa King — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:51:53 GMT

It was a cold, dark, night in the bowling alley. On the floor lay a massive crater, measuring 20 ft in diameter and 30 feet deep. The presence of bubbles was sooooo filling, you could pop them without even TRYING! :O A dark figure emerged from the west. Scanning the area, he exclaimed his love for Twinkies and paddle ball. Spotting the magic walrus ball, he gasped and picked it up. He laughed in a dark evily way. (squeakier then he had planned, BUT EVIL NONETHELESS!). THE WALRUS ARMY, WAS COMING!

General Rusty Bottoms, was looking at his super, complex military radar, when he spotted something! A leftover heath bar on the floor! He gulped it up like Rosie O' Donnell, and checked the radar again, and gasped!

The shape was odd, but he recognized it instantly. Under his breath, he muttered: "walruses." He gathered his troops to prepare for a mighty battle. IT WOULD BE EPIC! He had lotsa tanks, soldiers, and gumballs of steel! He certainly was a happy general. After a nice game of non-gravitational melon rugby, they went to the battlefield!

On came the walrus's, with their pink LMG's and all. The batlle was EPIC, and many walruses fell, and many tanks asploded like an apple in a grammas freezer. But then, a tank wen't boom way too fast! Was that a rocket? IT SURE WAS, FOR THE NARWHALS WERE JOINING! The fierce, fat narwhals were shooting rockets with their bazookas like their dinner depended on it! After blowing up all the tanks, the leader, Sir. Lance Peas, picked up the general. He gazed into his eyes, and bellowed in a deep mighty voice: "It's not delivery, ITS NARWHAL!" And crushed him. Poor general. :( <- (sadface)

What will happen next? WHO WILL SURVIVE THIS MASSIVE EMERGENCY??!!?!? WHY IS BRAILLE ON A DRIVE-THRU ATM?!?!?

FIND OUT NEXT, IN CHAPTER 3!

The tale of nothingness

Wampa King — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:20:23 GMT

One day, a man named Dobo was busy counting the weeds in his lawn, when he discovered something. A big fat ball with a walrus on it. Dobo took the ball and wen't bowling with it. Just then, a group of walrus's came. They were discussing who would buy the beer for the party they were planning, when they spotted Dobos SPECIAL Walrus ball (it's in caps so it has to be good).

They slid after it, but Dobo ran for his pathetic little life! They didn't give a rip though, so they all pulled out their walrus guns (An LMG painted pink with glitter) and fired away! Poor little Dobo ran as fast as he could from the bullets yelling "BLOODY MURDER!" over and over again. He wasn't very fast though, and was ripped to pieces by the LMGs. The walrus's quickly came and started eating his intestines, while one grabbed the mighty walrus ball, and ate it. Just then, all of the walrus exploded into bubbles! Yes, glorious bubbles.

The bowling place's owner wasn't very happy, but the bubbles made him slightly cheerier. What were the walrus's plans? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN NEXT?

TO BE CONTINUED!, IN THE TALE OF NOTHINGNESS CHAPTER 2: THE WALRUS'S STRIKE BACK!

Stay tuned, Episode 2 will come in 1-3 days!